Amen Journey

My Words Took Wings and I Found a Halo Rainbow

2011-08-17T16:17:00.000-05:00

Just a few days before we left for Yei, Sudan, I read these words by Charles Spurgeon that summed up what was happening in my life. I was getting the focus off myself and on to the One who really mattered in all of this. This quote is taken from "The Gospel Coalition Blog" by Ray Ortlund dated October 3, 2009. He quotes Charles Spurgeon as saying,

"Our faith is a person; the gospel that we have to preach is a person; and go wherever we may, we have something solid and tangible to preach, for our gospel is a person. If you had asked the twelve Apostles in their day, 'What do you believe in?" they would not have stopped to go around with a long sermon, but they would have pointed to their Master and they would have said, 'We believe him.' 'But what of your doctrines?' 'There they stand incarnate.' 'But what is your practice?' 'There stands our practice. He is our example.' 'What then do you believe?' Hear the glorious answer of the Apostle Paul, 'We preach Christ crucified.' Our creed, our body of divinity, our whole theology is summed up in the person of Jesus Christ."

Within two days after I read these words, we left for Southern Sudan. I was about to experience a journey that I will always treasure. I was getting to go in peace and gratitude without the baggage of struggle that had erupted in my life. I could go with a sense that God was at work. I could do that because of the prayers of my wife, Betty, and many friends. I knew they would be praying for us and for the pastors and workers that we were about to meet. On the Sunday before we left, Betty had asked our home group to write notes and letters for me to take. They did and I got to take those notes with me along with other encouraging words from family and other friends. By the time we left, I had been blessed beyond what words could describe and it just got better with every passing day. I am thankful to God for all of this and for how He used others to help keep me moving forward.

I know others have made trips like this without struggles. I know that I have had to face up to some things about what it meant to want Christ to be the center of my life and what it meant to live for His glory. This experience became the place for that to happen. I have had to face up to my own sense of inadequacy and see that God is my adequacy.

As I write these words, I know there is much more to this story than me. I didn't fully know how all of this would unfold. I didn't know that I would see in even a fresher way the role that my wife, Betty, would have - even after I left for Sudan. I didn't know that I would see how God was working in her life through what I was experiencing and would experience.

Rather than being a story about me, it would be a story about the men with whom I journeyed and what their lives came to mean to me. It would be about the pastors in Southern Sudan, their courage and devotion to God and their willingness to suffer for the sake of the gospel. It would be about worshiping God in a new culture and about studying together with joy filled, gospel empowered believers across the ocean. It would be about coming to grips with the many foundational truths of the gospel and then seeing first hand how the gospel had impacted lives.

But in all of this unbelievable experience there is another thing that I would sense in a deeper way. It was the glory of God. As I watched events unfold over the next several weeks, I knew I was seeing God's glory being manifested in the hearts and lives of others. For the first time, I really begin to feel the weight of it. After all is said or could be said, I knew that only one thing ultimately mattered. It was His glory as revealed in Christ through the power of the Holy Spirit. I am glad I got to see that. As I think back to those days, I still find it so astounding that we got to be used to present Jesus in the glory of His gospel - to see something of His glory, to relish in it and, communicate it. We got to behold a multifaceted diamond of unbelievable radiance as the gospel was unfolded and as we saw how it touched lives and laid the foundation for future work among people hungry for and desperately needing Christ.

So on October 5, 2009, the words I had been laboring over for several months, together with the work of the other 6 men in our group, literally took wings as we lifted off from DFW Airport at 3:40 in the afternoon. Not only were the words in our minds and hearts; they were in 60 notebooks that would be our gift to the pastors in Southern Sudan. We take things like this for granted, I am afraid; but, as I would soon learn, not so among these pastors. It was awesome to watch the Sudan pastors as they received this material and begin to read. I have to fast forward at this point to mention a scene late one afternoon after a long day session of teaching. We looked across the grounds to a building where some of the pastors were staying and saw one of the pastor sitting off by himself pouring over the note book - examining each page. Words can't describe that scene and many others like that.

The flight to Yei, Sudan was long. I learned quickly that it would be a sleep depriving excursion for me. There were two 9 hour flights divided by a several hour waiting period in Amsterdam - not to mention what seemed like countless security checks. Those moments for me at security check points and customs became a team joke. I was always the last one to clear through security. We eventually arrived in Entebbe, Uganda late in the evening and by then I was not sure what day it was. As we entered the airport, I got my first glimpse of something I had never seen - soldiers armed with assault rifles. I remember, Jeremy Pace, our team leader saying just look straight ahead and follow him through the airport. Believe me, I did exactly that. All the time I kept thinking of the old movie, "The Raid at Entebee" and the scenes at that airport. For us though, it was nothing like that. I would not say I was afraid, but I stayed aware of the many assault rifles.

There was a thought that had been with me even before we left home. From the beginning of our meetings in preparation for the trip, I was aware that the flight from Uganda into Southern Sudan would be by way of a two engine, 19 passenger plane that had serious weight restrictions. I knew that on the previous trip by a team from our church, the pilots had not been able to find the dirt runway. They called for the help of the passengers. I know that I started this portion of the story on the high note of God's glory but there was another battle that I had to face that was obscuring higher thoughts of the gospel and God's glory - it was an overloaded two engine plane and an hour and half flight over a jungle that looked like a scene from a Tarzan movie. I had no idea how God was about to handle this and introduce me to Southern Sudan. I had no idea He had a simple lesson for me about His glory.

After a day and night of rest we returned to the airport to board our "little" plane. Once again, it was the check point routine. I remember getting to the desk and presenting my passport. I evidently had missed the words, during our time of preparation, about being asked why I was leaving Uganda and going to Southern Sudan. So when I was asked why I was going to Sudan, I began to stumble for words. I finally said, "'Er, we are going to work with a church and uh..." Fortunately, one of our team members step up and told me to say. "teach." Relief. I made it through and we finally boarded the plane. I sat on the one seat row next to the window overlooking an engine. I would have a good view of any oil leaks and I would also be able to see the jungle below. Comforting.

I still remember sitting in an almost fetal position with my carry on bag in my lap. Come to think of it every thing was carry on, included the duffle bags filled with heavy notebooks. I tried to take comfort in the fact that our flight would last about an hour and a half. I did not reckon though on the fact that the flight would require one stop. Our first dirt runway landing was uneventful except for the mud puddles. As we descended, I could see a small school yard near the runway. A fence separated the school yard from the runway. Along the fence, children had lined up to watch us land and then take off again. Another scene caught my eye. The field next to the runway was covered in tall grass. Women, holding children, were either standing or sitting in the grass. I was not sure which. Only their head and shoulders rose above the grass. It was a puzzling sight but it did say something about life beyond most of our experiences.

It was on the last stage of the journey into Southern Sudan that something happened that forever marked that phase of the journey. It still is in my thoughts today. I had been filled with apprehension. I remember closing my eyes and trying to pray but I was continually drawn back to the window, to the ground below - and to the jungle and the roaring engine. We were about 20 minutes out from the air strip in Yei, Sudan when I notice the shadow of the plane moving with a rippling effect across the ground below. It was the clear shape of the plane. I followed it for a few minutes and then looked away. When I looked back, I saw the shadow of the plane again but this time there was something remarkably different. Around the shadow of the plane was a halo rainbow. I later learned that the halo rainbow is an unusual occurrence that requires a certain angle of the plane to the sun and the right amount of water droplets. Believe me, this is an over simplification on my part. I found out that this phenomenon is appropriately called "glory." All scientific explanation aside, it had a much deeper meaning for me that went beyond just the happenstance of occurrences in physics. For over 15 minutes I looked at the shadow of the plane inside the halo rainbow - a shadow that had now taken the shape of a cross - the tail wings were no longer showing. I am not trying to get mysterious here, but I do know the impact that scene had on me regardless of whether anyone wants to give it a natural explanation.

We were on our way to talk to men and women about the cross and the promises of God - promises that He kept and fulfilled in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus. I thought of that as I looked at this scene outside the window of that plane. I thought about the privilege God was allowing me to experience and about the life of the men with whom I traveled. I thought about the silliness of my anxiousness. God had provided me with a remarkable visual reminder that there was something more important than me or the journey. It was a fresh reminder that this was, like everything else, about His glory - glory portrayed in the cross, in His Son dying upon the cross, and in the promises fulfilled. It is amazing what God's glory will do for you. It is amazing what getting just a glimpse of His glory will do. It will capture your thinking and your life. It will drown out anxiousness and needless worry. It will do that and much, much more. I am thankful He opened my eyes that day in the skies above Sudan, through a halo rainbow, to the thoughts of His glory. What will it be like one day to live continuously in His glory?

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

I Am Still Lord of all You Do

2010-09-13T14:00:00.006-05:00

This title may seem strange at this juncture of the story of my trip to Sudan. It came to have a very important meaning to me toward the end of my time of preparing for the talks that I would be giving. The decision to go to Sudan and the preparation to go over the next several months brought a number of battles or points of struggle. I could gloss over these, but then the story would not be complete. I initially thought that once I decided to go on the trip the struggle would basically end. I was wrong.

Almost immediately I was hit by a life-long struggle of a sense of inadequacy. I began teaching in Sunday School shortly after I got out of college and entered the United States Air Force. Over the years I spent many hours studying God's Word. It was not like I had never taught or had limited knowledge and yet when the reality of what I would be doing in Sudan begin to dawn on me, this old sense of inadequacy came back. This new manifestation of the struggle related to our teaching assignment. I learned that each member of the team would be writing two papers of at least 25 pages each and then teaching about two hours on the topic covered in those papers. This was to be followed by a question and answer time. All of the talks would be through an interpreter which meant - well, I wasn't quite sure other than somehow we would have to speak in a way that accommodated the need for translation.

In order to understand this phase of the journey, I have to digress and look at something God was doing in my life at the time. Even now when I think about it I am astounded.

Through much of my life as a Christian, I had an incomplete view of the place the gospel had in the life of a believer. I had no doubt that it was the key to the entry into salvation. I discovered much later how far short that view came to the real truth. I have written about this in more detail in an article entitled, "What Does It Mean to be the Clay?" That post includes an unpublished May 23, 2009 post explaining how I had spent many years understanding that the gospel was primarily for the unsaved. I never heard about the on-going importance and relevance of the gospel to my life as a Christian. There was some irony in this discovery. I had been hearing this truth since we became part of The Village Church in July 2008. I am sad to say that it took awhile for me to grasp this new understanding - at least, to me it was new. At about the same time I began to pick up on phrases like, "gospel centered living." I did not understand living in those terms for the simple reason that I saw the gospel as primarily relating to one's entrance into salvation. I remember trying to formulate questions to ask men like Geoff Ashley and Josh Patterson, pastors in our church. Those questions were very ineptly worded. I was wanting to know how did you live a gospel centered life and what did that look like. Was I living such a life and didn't know it? I am not sure what day I came across a book by C. J. Mahaney, entitled, "The Cross Centered Life." It was within several months of departing on this trip to Sudan. I know that when I began to read it, I couldn't read it fast enough.

Little did I know that some things were converging in my life at this point. God was about to show me more than I ever expected concerning the gospel. I was going to learn and witness first hand gospel centered living. I was going to be part of helping a group of Sudanese pastors understand, in greater detail, the gospel and its ramifications. I was going to learn much from them what gospel centered living was all about. It turns out that it was going to involve a process that would immerse me in the gospel both in terms of studying, the presenting of the lessons and seeing the gospel at work in the lives of people in a different part of the world who were really living regardless of their outer circumstances.

At our first team meeting in July 2009, I learned that each member of the team would be teaching two topics. Those topics related to the foundation of the gospel, the matter of first importance Paul referenced in 1 Corinthians 15:1-8. Geoff Ashley told each of us to "think of yourself as the team's subject matter expert on your particular nuance of the overall theme of the gospel." That is when the weight of what I would be doing started to grow. Each of us were asked to name four areas out of the 14 topics that we would like to present. The list of 14 included: the gospel at 30,000 feet (a version of a sermon by our lead pastor, Matt Chandler); of first importance or thinking through 1 Corinthians 15:1-11; God is the Gospel (based on a book by John Piper); the atonement, part 1 (multifaceted aspects) and part 2 (penal substitution); consequences of the gospel (putting off the flesh and dying to sin), sin (part 1, Genesis 3) and part 2 (Romans 1); the incarnation, consequences of the gospel, part 2 (Christian unity), part 3 (social engagement, evangelism and good works); justification by faith; the importance of regeneration and the resurrection. If that wasn't enough I learned that we also would be helping lay a foundation for future trips by teams from our church. I had no idea what that meant.

After praying and thinking about which topics I would choose, I submitted four. One involved the history of redemption - similar to our pastor's message on the gospel at 30,000 feet. A second one related to the atonement and the aspect of penal substitution. From my perspective, I think part of the reason I chose these particular topics had to do with my love of history and the nature of my work as a judge in the criminal justice system. As it turned out these were the two topics Geoff Ashley assigned to me. The months of August and September became a blur as I began to read, study and write. Many times it seemed as if my head was spinning from all the reading and thinking. I am not sure how many "completed" drafts I came up with only to discard and revise them. My days were literally consumed with reading and writing - no arithmetic, other than adding up the few hours I had left to finish the project. It was like I left on the trip two months before I actually did. My wife, Betty, was very gracious and never made me feel guilty about the time it was taking me to complete the work. She was praying and had others praying as well. I could not have made it without her prayers and support. In a real sense she was and would continue to be part of that trip. That is another story that I look forward to sharing.

In the midst of all of this writing effort, I came under attack with another sense of inadequacy. Not only was I struggling to put all the vast amount of material together in a very short time, I became burdened by a new form of inadequacy. The more I learned about the pastors to whom we would be speaking the more I started to realize the extent of what we would be doing. Each of these pastors with whom we would be teaching and worshiping, were prepared to lay everything on the line for Christ and the advance of the gospel - including their lives. They were willing to and probably were already suffering for that purpose. I learned how true this was after we arrived in Sudan. I began to think about the fact that I would be part of helping them do that - that we would be equipping and encouraging them to make that kind of sacrifice. I never taught a group who would face such adversity. The gravity of it all began to weigh on me. I struggled with thoughts about whether I could make the kind of sacrifice they were willing to make. On July 24, 2009, I wrote Matt Elkins, the Mission Pastor, at The Village Church, about this struggle and what I had concluded. "I have been trusting in my own adequacy. I was reading how Paul, when he was contemplating the mission of presenting the gospel, had asked, "Who is adequate?" I agreed with him that no one is adequate. It has taken me awhile to move to the peace that Paul had in his conclusion that God is adequate. He is our sufficiency. I am thankful that the opportunity to go is uncovering areas of my life that need to be brought before God. I am glad that he is allowing me to see that He is working in my life. I am grateful to God for the role of the leadership of our church in making this step possible in my life."

Things finally started to come together in September although, I was being pulled in other directions. There was a new home group leaders' orientation class that Betty and I had to attend. We were starting a home group and it was necessary that we first complete the class. Our new home group began preliminary meetings in September. We also had to finish several interviews of new covenant members in our church. There was a meeting with Vernon Burger of His Voice Global. From my understanding Vernon had been instrumental in opening up this opportunity of partnering with the churches in Southern Sudan. My work as a senior judge was requiring time in court and I was also trying to complete necessary medical examinations. In the midst of all of this, our team had to have the final drafts of the talks, outlines, bibliographies, footnotes and discussion questions ready for printing by September 25, 2009. Late on the evening of September 19, 2009 I finished the two lessons and saved them on the computer. I normally would print the revised work; but it was late so I saved the printing for the next day - a Sunday - our last day to meet as a team before departure. I went to bed and felt relaxed for the first time.

As I write this I can still feel the tension of what happened. My calmness was short lived. I had a rude awakening on Sunday morning when I turned on the computer and attempted to open the talk on Penal Substitution - a talk that had turned out to be the hardest and most complicated of the two. I discovered that I had unknowingly deleted the paper the night before. The last thing I saved that night was the outline of the talk. I didn't realize that the outline had the same title as the paper. When I received a message "did I want to replace," I click "yes" thinking that I was replacing an earlier version of the outline. Instead the talk was overwritten. I can't begin to describe how upset I was when I realized what I had done. The weight of the last two months came crashing down on me. To say that tears came to my eyes is putting it mildly. I can remember crying out rather loudly, "No," No." "It can't be." I may have even pounded the desk with my fist. No, I did do that. Betty came rushing into the study to find out what had happened. To her credit, she stayed calm and when I told her what I had done she immediately began to pray. She started calling different members of our home group to pray. For me, all I saw was a hopeless situation. She saw much more - something you could only see by faith. She told me, "Well, maybe this is not the talk God wants you to give." I didn't want to hear that; but within about an hour, I started to have peace about the matter. I started to accept that it was very possible God wanted something else. It turned out He did; but not another paper. Betty suggested another thing to me that morning. She said, "When you get to your meeting this afternoon, ask Kent if there is anyway to retrieve the deleted talk from the computer." I said I would, but I didn't believe it was possible. By then, I had arrived at the conclusion that I would just start over and see what happened. Kent Rabalais was a member of our team and also knowledgeable about computers. I had received some training from him during the time he had worked at the local Apple Store.

By the time I got to the meeting that afternoon, prayers were being answered. I was resigned to starting over and actually had a peace about it. I was learning something else or being reminded of something else. It is embodied in the title of this post. I have found that it is very easy to lapse in my trust in and reliance upon God. I was secure in the fact that I had completed the talk. God had just reminded me, though, how fragile that sense of security can be and that there is no real security in anything apart from trust in Him. There is not a point when trust is no longer necessary - even if I was actually holding the papers of the talk in my hand. I realize in looking back, that I needed this reminder on the eve of my departure to Africa. There is no real substitute for trust. That was how I was to make this trip and carry out the assignment given.

With that peace and with the seemingly insurmountable task facing me to complete a new paper within a few days, I went to the meeting. I am thankful that I could go with renewed trust and with a fresh reminder from God that "I am still Lord of all you do." I am especially glad for that state of things because as it turned out I was able to retrieve the paper. A feature on the computer called "Time Machine" had saved the paper, without me knowing it, and I was able to restore it. It caught the paper a few moments before I deleted it. Of course, that is the explanation from a human perspective. I know otherwise. Had God intended for me to rewrite the paper, no human technology in the world could have altered that fact or have saved that paper. Yesterday (September 12, 2010), our pastor, Matt Chandler, in introducing a new series of messages on authority, cited the following passage from Psalm 115:3:

Our God is in the heavens; he does all that he pleases.

I have great need to always remember that truth. It has been nearly a year since that Sunday morning shock wave hit me concerning my misplaced confidence, i.e., a completed paper. I think about that moment quite often. I think how there is never a moment when trust in God is not needed. I can easily substitute what is seen for what is unseen. God can take away the seen. I can forget that ongoing trust is the heart of gospel centered living. I had wanted to know what gospel centered living meant. It was being answered in some very unique ways in this journey to Sudan. I had lost sight of the need of ongoing trust. God reminded me of it in a simple way by allowing me to carelessly delete a talk, the completion of which had left me feeling secure. He graciously said, " I am still Lord of all that you do." I am still mystified at how God works and I will, for sure, this side of heaven, continued to be mystified. And I yet I know that it is by grace through faith that my life in Christ unfolds. The cross will forever be a reminder of that truth. The gospel will forever affirm that truth and it will always be better than I deserve. In a few days, I would be standing before a group of pastor in Yei, Sudan and telling them that what we deserve is God's wrath, but instead, I could, because of the cross, by grace through faith, stand before them and join hands with them as one of God's children, because we had been redeemed by Christ's shed blood and forever delivered from judgment and the wrath of God. I deserved nothing but death and His wrath. Instead, I received mercy - not only when He gave the paper back to me, but more especially when He gave the life of Christ to me through faith and now sustains me in that life; but not just me-

Her Husband... He Praises Her

2010-05-09T20:13:00.003-05:00

I found this story among some of my notes. I do not know the author but it was entitled, “Letter to My Unborn Child.” The person who wrote this, as you will see, was paralyzed.

"Your mother is very special. Few men know what it’s like to receive appreciation for taking their wives out to dinner when it entails what it does for us. She has to dress me, brush my teeth, comb my hair, wheel me out of the house, open the garage, put me in the car, take the pedals off the chair, stand me up, sit me in the seat of the car, twist me around so that I’m comfortable, fold the wheelchair, put it in the car, go around to the other side of the car, start it up, back it out, get out of the car, pull the garage door down, get back into the car, and drive to the restaurant. Then it starts all over again. We sit down to have dinner, and she feeds me throughout the entire meal. When it’s over, she pays the bill, pushes the wheel chair out to the car again and resumes the routine. When it’s all over - finished - with real warmth she will say, “Honey, thank you for taking me out to dinner.” I never quite know what to say."

When I think of that story - when I think of His story, I have a great deal of trouble with how often I am self centered and helpless I really am.

Dealing With A Life Long Question - The Will of God

2010-01-27T21:00:00.000-06:00

The night I was confronted with the possibility of going with a team from our church on a teaching mission to Southern Sudan I came face to face with another issue - God's will. On this occasion, as at other times in my life, my initial preference would have been to know specifically what God's will was in the matter. I am not so sure, though, that this did not have some selfish overtones. Some times we may be acting from a more self centered standpoint and we just clothe it with spiritual garb. We can approach the matter of "seeking to know" God's will before we decide because we want to know how everything will work out. We want to minimize the unknowns. This approach causes delay and can eventually render us unable to decide. I think in the initial days of deciding about the trip to Sudan I was not wanting to face the unknowns. I was too obsessed with the future. I was thinking, too, that I didn't want to be presumptuous and say I am going to do this or that without saying, as James does in James 4:15, "Instead you ought to say, If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that." I began to lapse back into thinking that I had to know or, at least, I thought I needed to show my dependence upon God by seeking to know His will.

What I have ended up doing most of the time, when the answers don't get specific, is to keep moving forward in varying degrees of struggle - praying that I would have the wisdom to take the right course or step - that I would be open and sensitive to God's guidance. Yet, I would still find myself wanting to "discover" God's will about the matter. That was true in the days I struggled with the decision about the trip to Sudan.

At times in my life as a Christian, I have had problems with the issue of God's will in decisions that I made or that I was planning to make. It was never clear to me how all that worked. It has not been until just the last few years that I have started to understand more. That means I have spent a lot of years in various degrees of darkness when it came to knowing how I was supposed to live and make life's decisions on the basis of God's will - a lot of years of thinking that I had to find God's perfect will in order to make right decisions in life or follow God's plan for my life. That created a problem. If God has a plan for my life (and your life) (and He does), then why is it that for the most part we can only discern it to any extent by looking back - looking back to trace God's hand in bringing us to where we are? The answer to that question is that while God will guide us, He does not burden us with the task of "divining His will of direction for our lives ahead of time." But I didn't know for a long time that this was true. My perspective, when it came to God's will of direction for my life, was as myopic as my eyes were - even more so. As this became clear to me, it made me realize how confused I have been in the past.

I think there is a lot of confusion when it comes to how God's will works in the decisions that we make. Some of that confusion and struggle surfaced for me in the days leading up to my "going forward - no retreat" decision about the trip to Southern Sudan- a trip and an experience that would turn out to be one of those defining moments for me in my journey with God. To get there was a journey in itself - not just the physical aspects of the trip. That was smooth compared to the spiritual journey.

Among the many things that I had to deal with in actually reaching the point of refusing to retreat was the matter of God's will - primarily learning a lesson that up to that point had been basically an academic one. It was ironic (but not really) that when this all began to unfold I had been reading a book on this very matter. I had no idea that I was about to be confronted with more than words in a book or in an article.

I had just purchased a book entitled, "Just Do Something - A Liberating Approach To Finding God's Will." I became aware of this book on June 1, 2009 through an article written by Geoff Ashley, the Discipleship Resource Pastor at The Village Church. It is the same Geoff Ashley who would later pose the Sudan question to me. As I look back on these events, it is fascinating to see how God works. I sure didn't pick up this book because I consciously needed to know the truth when it came to God's will and deciding to go on a mission trip to Sudan. God did know. I can see now how He was preparing the way. If you really want to kick it up a notch, that preparation just didn't start on June 1, 2009. Just think about that for a moment. As soon as I began reading the book and the article, I could feel clouds of confusion starting to lift. But that was not at the heart level yet. I had no idea how those thoughts were about to impact my life and enable me to keep moving forward toward one of the greatest decision I have made in a long, long time. I had no idea how God would use those thoughts to keep me from retreating - how they would keep me from indecision and from acting like a coward or resting in my own comfort. I didn't know how those thoughts would keep me from being paralyzed by the idea that if I went on the trip I might be going against some hidden will of God that could have led me into some bad situations. I didn't know that it would keep me from looking for a "no-risks" path of obedience. It would, instead, help me reaffirm that I didn't need to know the future because I could have confidence in the One who holds the future. It would keep me moving closer to the greatest of all plans that God had for my life and your life - being engaged through trials and triumphs that lead us to being transformed into the image of His Son. I would eventually come to the point of simply trusting Him - living and obeying and not missing one of the greatest moments in my life - Sudan III. I didn't know any of this when I first read Geoff's article and eventually the book by Kevin DeYoung. Even after God brought me into the classroom of life on this matter of His will, it took a while for it to dawn on me that what I was reading was about me. That is still strange to me; but it made me realize that this is not only true of the books we read, it is also true of the most important book, the Word of God. The light doesn't come on automatically. I am grateful that it did begin to shine.

As I try to explain what was happening, I have had to look at the momentary struggle that I had in sorting through things in light of this "liberating approach to finding God's will" as dealt with in the book, "Just Do Something" and in related Scripture. I really want to be clear about all of this and to look a little closer at how these truths about God's will affected my life during those days leading up to the trip and the awesome experience I found in Yei, Sudan with some brothers and sisters in Christ. Part of what I write in this section of the story will be based on the thoughts expressed in the book and article I just mentioned and the part it played in not letting me retreat from full scale, heart-felt obedience and the opportunity of a life time. It will be about how this experience in Southern Sudan became "heart-work" for me full of real joy and peace.

Even though I was studying and reading this book when the opportunity for the Sudan trip unfolded, I did not immediately relate it to what I was going through - at least in the initial days leading up to the decision to go on the trip. I think that it was the little words on the back cover of the book that caught my attention and served to explained what happened in my life and the struggle over the decision to go on the trip. It explains how I could go in peace and joy - I gave up. I surrendered to God and the things I knew to be true. I "just did something" and things began to happen. I came to realize that the issue for me was whether I would retreat in comfort or fall into some self appointed comfortable obedience rather than take advantage of an opportunity that I never envisioned would be mine. The questions about why I was asked to go on this trip also lifted.

One thing did weigh down on me, though, as I crossed the line. I became painfully aware of and burdened by the thoughts about the consequences of retreat from the path God had opened for me. Just thinking about it now brings a sense of dread. It is like suddenly realizing how close you came to a serious fall or an auto wreck. I know me well enough to realize that had I retreated, I could very well have given up. I am not sure that I would ever have recovered. I am not sure how the next page of my life would have been written. I have regrets in life as we all do; but a decision to retreat on this occasion could potentially have been my greatest regret. This is one reason I cannot say enough about the mercy and grace of God that He would not let that happen for one such as me. He did not let it happen when it came to the greatest moment in my lifetime - my salvation. And if I could see back over my life, I know that it is filled with those moments of mercy and grace. It does frightens me, though, when I think that I could have used muddled thoughts about God's will to shut me down. I could have missed out on a trip of a life time. I wonder how many could join me in expressing similar struggles - perhaps some going on now that are keeping you from making the decisions you should make concerning your journey with God?

I think that I knew that unless something happened - like not being approved for the trip or something else that stopped the process - that I would go on the trip. The problem was, though, I was not spiritually ready to go. I was resigned to the thought of going; but I was not at peace and that is not how I wanted it to be. I didn't want to go for the wrong reason or with the wrong attitude. Too much was involved. Live would affected. People were putting their confidence in me. As I dealt with the unknowns and with wanting God to clear all of that up for me, I knew that this presented another problem. I was coming to the point of no return once the application went in for consideration. I thought I was wanting it to be God's will; but it actually was a situation where I was wanting to know something that was not mine to know - at least in the sense that I was wanting to know it. I think I was wanting some type of express spiritual permission to go on this trip so bad things wouldn't happen and good things would. But even had that happened, I would have missed the greater lesson when it comes to God's will. As the author of the book, "Just Do It" says,

God is not a Magic 8-Ball we shake up and peer into whenever we have a decision to make. He is a good God who gives us brains, shows us the way of obedience, and invites us to take risks for Him. We know God has a plan for our lives. That's wonderful. The problem is we think He's going to tell us the wonderful plan before it unfolds. We feel like we can know - and need to know - what God wants every step of the way. But such preoccupation with finding God's will, as well-intentioned as the desire may be, is more folly than freedom.

The better way is the biblical way: See first the kingdom of God, and then trust that He will take care of our needs, even before we can know what they are and where we're going.

I think that too much of my problem when it came to wanting to find God's will was a lack of trust in God's promises and provisions. Kevin DeYoung said on page 47 of his book, "We don't just want His word that He will be with us; we want Him to show us the end from the beginning and prove to us that He can be trusted. We want to know what tomorrow will bring instead of being content with simple obedience on the journey." James 4:15, quoted above, is often seen as an expression of submission on our part to God's will and that is the sense in which I referred to it earlier. In another sense though it is a statement that recognizes the awesome truth that God is sovereignly in control of our lives. The author also says, "We must live our lives believing that all of our plans and strategies are subject to the immutable will of God. Therefore, we should be humble in looking to the future because we don't control it; God does. And we should be hopeful in looking to the future because God controls it, not us." As I write these words now, I realize that this is the point to which God brought me in those days leading up to boarding the plane on October 5, 2009 for Sudan. It explains why I could leave here in peace and be able to deal with all that followed and return home with a heart of gratitude that God would have allowed this to happen in my life.

I was reminded at some point in the struggle, that I was trying to walk by sight and not faith. I realized too that in the mix of all that was happening was the matter of sin on my part in wanting to be in control and chart my own comfortable course. "We risk because God does not risk. We walk into the future in God-glorifying confidence, not because the future is known to us but because it is known to God. And that's all we need to know." That is more or less what Dr. Steve Glaser was telling me that morning when I spoke of my concerns about the trip. "What is the worse that could happen to you?" The answer, when you are walking by faith, is nothing. I never could say in all of this that God was telling me to do this or that. I could say as things progressed, "It seems like the Lord is leading." In that sense, I was doing what I should have been doing all along - expressing my dependence upon Him. It didn't mean that I was passive either. This trip was one of the most "unpassive" things I have ever done. It was like Josh Patterson told me, "You just keep moving forward, placing these struggles before God."

I reached the point, by moving forward, where I could experience the truth expressed by Jesus in Matthew 6:25-34 - and the rebuke - "O you of little faith." I could take "tomorrow" out of the mix. I could concentrate on His will to "seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness." I could start running hard after Him. I could focus on the truth that His will for each of us to grow in holiness in daily life. Paul says in 1 Thessalonians 4:3, "For this is the will of God, your sanctification." I could focus on rejoicing, praying without ceasing and giving thanks in all circumstances because, according to 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, that too is the will of God.

An interesting thing was happening during all of my struggle as "Mr. O-You-of-Little-Faith." My wife, Betty, never wavered in her conviction that this was something I should do and that God wanted me to do. She was very gentle about this conviction and looking back I am grateful for the way she would express it. She didn't let me retreat. I am blessed to have someone like that - someone who was praying for me and trusting God that I would make the right decision. It didn't mean that she wasn't apprehensive. I think she was just a little but it never really showed. I think God was working in her life as well. Actually I know He was. On this occasion God placed her strong faith in my path and cut off any retreat that I might have had out of "concern for her." She put that to rest the night Geoff asked me to go. Through all of this, I knew she was on track. I knew she was right and I knew that I would get to that point once I got the clutter out of the way. That supportive role concerning the trip didn't end with my decision to go. It continued even when I was on the other side of the ocean. Those times will be part of the story down the road. Her trust help me to get my focus back where it belonged - on God's Word.

One verse that came to mind was found in Colossians 1:9. There Paul said to pray that we "may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in he knowledge of God." I began to see that in a number of areas God had already told me what to do. For example, to live in the power of the Spirit. That, I was not doing and yet God had made it clear that was how we are to live. This is the approach to life that He was always wanting from me - and for you. The sooner that truth is seen and accepted the sooner we can get on with the matter of joyful obedience. That meant the sooner I could get on with the trip to Sudan. I could make the trip and I can now live each day knowing that while God doesn't reveal many, many things to me, He is guiding me and His will, as expressed so clearly in Scripture, if followed, will enable me to move forward and not retreat.

There is still much more I need to understand about God's will in terms of life; but one thing has become clear in all of this. When I really looked at God's will, as revealed in Scripture, it went from a question about knowing to a matter of doing what God had already revealed - of moving forward in dependence upon Him. In Texas history there is a story of an event that took place in the final hours of the battle at the Alamo. A line was drawn in the sand. When the men stepped across the line, that meant "no retreat." I am thankful for the morning of July 9, 2009. I don't mean this to be an overly dramatic statement; but knowing the direction my life could have taken and knowing, to some extent, the impact it would have had on my life, and knowing now what was waiting for me in making this trip, a very life defining thing happened to me. I don't know all that happened in my life that day; but I do know that on that day, in a sense I came to a line of "no retreat." I stepped across that line. Instead of death, as the men of the Alamo would find, I found a new experience in living.

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

The Trip Name for the Application is "Sudan III"

2009-11-15T17:04:00.000-06:00

When I was first asked about going on the trip to Southern Sudan, I did not realize that I would have to complete an application. I received an email from Geoff Ashley on June 30, 2009 asking me if I what I had decided about the trip. That is when I learned about the application. Geoff said, "If you are interested go on and fill out the application ... The trip name is Sudan III."
Filling out an application is not a new thing for me. Over the years I have had my share. My wife and I had just completed a very detailed application required by our church in order to become home group leaders. I knew from that experience that there would be nothing simply about the application for the trip called "Sudan III." I was not disappointed.

When I looked at the mission trip application required by our church, I knew that I had a new problem. My first thought when I read over the application for the first time was that I would not be able to complete it in time. In fact it was already past time to submit the application. I was not sure what effect that would have. Filling out the application would require thought and I was not sure how much thought I could provide at that time. I had just about used up my thinking in making the decision to go. Of course, I was still thinking largely in terms of "me." I do have to say, though, that part of my concern was related to being sure this was what God wanted. I will address that aspect later; but, for now, I can just say that it did account for some of my concerns.

I knew that our church had a lot of mission trips; but I never realized what was involved in going on one of those trips. I quickly learned though that there was nothing casual about the process or the "vetting." Now that I had decided to go, I was not sure how things would work out once my application was considered. Initially, beyond putting my name in the application, I was at a loss as to how to properly fill it out. I am looking the application again as I write and remembering how blank my mind was the day that I first looked at the application.

The first thing staring me in the face was "Passport Information." Filling that part out would be easy because I didn't have a passport. I had know idea at that point how long it would take to get one or if I could get it in time for the purchase of tickets. There was a section in the application about ministry participation and then a whole page about medical information. I was in good health but I didn't know how my age would be weighed. I knew that I needed to talk to a doctor about the matter. I later did and his first reaction was, "We need to get you set up for a stress test right away." I guess health and age was a factor. It turned out that I had taken a stress test in February 2009 and had received great results. Health was a factor; but thankfully I was fine and as it turned out I never had any health problems while in Sudan or after my return.

Next was a section on my overseas experience and ability to speak foreign languages. That answer would be simple - "None." I had never been outside the United States and could not speak a foreign language. I didn't figure the Latin that I had studied in college would count. I would also be required to express in writing my personal testimony. I was given a page and a half to do that; but eventually only used half of page. I was not sure how a whole blank page would look. Another question was "How is God at work in your life now?" That caused some concern because of the struggle I was having about going on this trip. In looking back at the application, I had written a question that could have raised doubts. I had said, "Why after all these years have I been asked to be part of the presentation and teaching of the gospel to people on the other side of the world?" I haven't fully answered that because I am still learning, but even if I don't come up with a full answer, I am satisfied just to say, "Thank you, Lord. What a blessing." I am praying that it will be more than that and that one day I can fully see how God used this trip and time of teaching for His glory. I turned another page in the application, and it didn't get easier. "Tell us more about your passions, talents, work experiences, unique skills, cross cultural experiences and anything else that has shaped who you are." At that moment I knew that I wanted people to have a clear understanding of the gospel in terms of living because that is what I wanted. I thought, "Maybe I can answer that one." I skipped to the next series of questions - "What have been some of the defining moments of your life" and what "cross-cultural experiences have you had?" "What do you believe is the biblical purpose/goal of global missions?" "Why/how do you feel God is leading you in this trip overseas?" The questions just got deeper and deeper and I was pressed for time. By then I was feeling the pressure.

I guess that once again I was wanting an easy route and way through this. I knew that I was going to have to start thinking at a different level. I was also going to have to trusting God at a different level. I was starting to realize more and more that I really needed to turn to God in all of this. I also had a sense that maybe I had waited too late to do that. I was left with heavy weight on me. Had I sacrificed obedience for struggle and doubt? Had I listened to "Adam the First" too long? Had my delay really been retreat and had I crossed the line of going farther with God? Through out that day and evening I would try to fill out the application; but I drew an absolute blank on these questions. Guess what? I still had not quit trying in my own effort. I should have spent the day in prayer instead of trying to escape the reality that I would not be able to do this on my own. When I went to bed that evening, I did not sleep. I don't think I ever closed my eyes. I started praying; but even that was a struggle. I had decided to go but I could very well still sink the whole thing over the application. I am not sure what all God was letting me experience in this step of the process; but it was agonizing. What I needed the most at that time was to just give up on my own ability and admit that I couldn't do it without Him. Why has that been my struggle so much of my life?

I say I had decided to go on the trip, but I still had thoughts that maybe I wouldn't get to go. I also knew that God was not closing the door - yet. I was coming to the point of being troubled that after weeks of struggle, I might not get to go. I don't know if Josh Patterson, our Executive Pastor, was preparing me for that possibility. After I submitted the application, Josh told me that if it worked out for some reason that I couldn't go then maybe I could help the team in some other way.

After that sleepless night, I remember going to my desk at 5 AM the next morning and thinking "What am I going to do. It can't end like this." This was Thursday. The first meeting was on Sunday. I was far behind the curve. I had an early breakfast meeting with my friend, Dr. Steve Glaser. He and I lead a men's Bible study group and we were meeting to talk about that. Before I left home that morning, I sent Josh Patterson a note expressing some of the struggle I was having. Later, at breakfast, I told Dr. Steve Glaser, for the first time, about the trip and my concerns - especially about the physical aspects considering my age. We talked about a number of things concerning the trip; but one response he made that I won't ever forget was when he said, "Look at it this way. What is the worse that could happen to you?" I laughed and said, "That is one thing that I am thinking about." But I did begin to think about what he had just said in a much broader sense. I realized that the worse things that I had been thinking about included a bucket list of thoughts not worth pursuing and that the worse thing was not the worse thing. The worse thing would have been not to go. When I got home around 7:30 AM, a weight had started to lift. It was like the first ray of peace began to shine into my situation. I found that I had received a reply from Josh Patterson. His son had been sick and he was up at 5 AM that morning, as well, when my email came. He was able to reply immediately. With his response, my talk to Dr. Glaser and more talk with my wife, Betty, that morning, things began to come into focus.

For the first time I could actually do some clear thinking. They all had been encouraging me, in essence, to press forward in the Spirit's strength. Josh spoke in terms of putting off the old and putting on the new and of mortifying those things that were dragging me down and hindering a heart felt response. I recently asked Josh whether I should write about this struggle. The heart of his response echoed the words that he wrote to me the morning of July 9, 2009. He said, "I definitely think your writing needs to include the challenges to obedience and how this process exposed areas of your life. The vast majority of people who read this will identify with the struggle to obey and get to see how the Lord is faithful and gracious in it. They will see the process for what it is…a process. None of us are complete yet and certainly nobody is “finished”. So, we press on and see the love of the Lord and patience of His hand as He chisels and molds us into the image of His Son." For the first time on the morning of July 9, 2009 I had a peace that I had not had. The guilt that I was feeling over my struggle in the process began to lift. I knew that I had to take the baggage of fear, pride, concern about my reasons for going, physical concerns, financial concerns and get honest before God. I told Betty, I think, for the first time, at least in confidence and peace, that I wanted to go. It was becoming more and more a heart-work thing for me. I even felt that all I had been through was part of the process of preparation for the trip. I still had to pray, though, that I would not carry any unnecessary baggage with me. I am not referring to the 33 lbs limit on physical baggage that we were under. I immediately began to work on the application and within an hour it was completed. That in itself was a miracle. In fact, words were coming so fast that I had trouble typing fast enough. It was just one more gracious indicator that I was moving in the right direction. But the battle wasn't over. In fact, it will never be over this side of heaven. I was about to be reminded of that and those reminders would keep coming - not to drag me down - but to keep me heaven bound in my thinking - to keep me moving forward in dependence upon God. At times, though, I could still hear the call of "Adam the First." He never gives up.

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

An Encounter with "Adam the First"

2009-11-03T21:25:00.000-06:00

I would like to be writing these words about the events leading up to the journey of a life time as Mr. Faith. Instead, my life for the next three or four weeks after Geoff Ashley first spoke to me about the trip to Southern Sudan, was one of struggle. As a rule, when it comes to making some decisions I will give the matter some thought. Sometimes this process can occur very quickly and at other times, it is a slower. The decision about going to Sudan was going to be one a more thought out decisions. I wanted to have a sense that this is what God wanted me to do. So far so good. It is good to have a sense of calling. It is good to "stand still" and make sure about the ground you are standing on. However, this approach is not without risks. The first problem was not turning immediately to God in prayer and opening my heart for Him to work. Instead, I began to focus my thoughts on me. Fear, pride, a sense of loss regarding the financial cost of the trip and ultimately a sense of inadequacy concerning my role in the teaching mission became the rule of the day. These and other things began to complicate the process.

Throughout my life I have had to fight against taking the more comfortable way. I have also tended to sell myself short - another battle that I fight from time to time. These self directed thoughts were starting to gain a foothold. They will do that if we are not alert. I realize now that I really didn't get started with God. But that is where God always starts and sooner or later that will have to be acknowledged.

It is strange that after all these years, I can still be naive when it comes to how God works in a person's life. I know that He can and will call you out. "Do you really mean what you are saying?" "You have just made some critical statements about your life. Do you mean that?" "Are you going to obey in faith or retreat in fear or concern for yourself?" "Are you going to go on this trip to Sudan out of fear or in dependence upon Me?" "Do you really want things to be different in your life?" Self has been my problem through out my Christian life. I don't think that is unique with me. But here I was on the threshold of a real breakthrough in my life and self was once again trying to rule and reign. I know that for some this matter of going to Southern Sudan would not have been a struggle. I know also that what is a struggle for one person may not be a struggle for someone else. Given the right set of facts, I don't think anyone is free from struggle - at least some areas. This decision that I faced was a struggle for me. The more I wrestled with it or tried to ignore it, the more of a struggle it became. There were a number of undercurrents at work. It took me a while to realize what they were and admit that they were at work. Much about all this became clearer in retrospect. One of the first undercurrents to gain a foothold related to my own ill defined zone of comfortable obedience. I never realized how tight my grip actually was on that aspects of my life. This was true even though I was wanting things to happen in my walk with God that went far beyond anything I could ever achieve through my own effort. I was wanting things far beyond any previous comfort level that had existed in my life. Yet here I was wanting God to give me so much more in terms of life with Him but I was reaching out with a closed hand. There can be so much subtly in and around our resolve unless God shines His light on your life. When that starts to happen, God will start revealing things in your life that you thought you had resolved. He can use a matter like the one that was confronting me over the trip to Sudan. I was going to have to decide how serious I was about my walk with God. It would not be an academic or theoretical decision. God had just cast all of this into a real life situation.

I have started reading John Bunyan's book, "The Pilgrim's Progress." I hate to confess that I have never read the book. I bought it to take with me on the trip to Africa; but never could find it amid the small amount of belongings that I was able to take with me. Strange. I went through my briefcase several times looking for it. I had all of those travel hours that I could have read it since I wasn't sleeping any; but I never found it until a few days ago. I found it among the things I had taken to Sudan. Stranger still. I started reading through the book and came to the part where the reader is introduced to "Faithful." There is a dialog between "Faithful" and "Christian" where "Faithful" speaks of meeting a man at the foot of the hill called "Difficulty." The "very aged man" asked if "Faithful" would be content to dwell with him. The "old man" said his name was "Adam the First." This sounded awfully like what was happening in my life. When I was confronted with the invitation to go to Southern Sudan, it was like I found myself standing at the foot of the hill, mentioned in Bunyan's story, called "Difficulty." "Adam the First" was bidding me to be content to dwell with him. But another one, not recognizable at first, the One for whom "Adam the First" was but a type, Jesus Christ, was also standing there gently urging me forward. While I heard nothing audible and was not even aware of this at the time, I know that I was being urged on. That has to be the reason I kept going. So there I was. Whose bidding would I follow? Whose voice would I heed?

I know now that the struggle I faced was not about going to Africa. The issue went much deeper. It is easy to focus on surface issues as I was doing; but beneath the surface there is always the spiritual. God is constantly calling us closer and closer to Himself - constantly confronting us with where we are and where He wants us to be. That is where I had, by earlier pronouncements, wanted to go. His call to continue the process toward maturity will take many forms. For me, it involved a teaching mission to Yei, Sudan. The real call was a call from self to Himself - to press on toward the high calling. When that call comes, you would think "I will be like "Faithful." "I will refuse to be inclined to hear the call of 'Adam the First.'" But we are all prone to listen to "Adam the First" and he knows exactly how to speak in a way that we will listen. I was listening. Figuratively speaking, he spoke the words he knew would get my attention and keep me from hearing, at least for a while, the voice of Christ. In a way I am sorry that all of this unfolded as it did; but because of God's mercy, I got to see something of His glory and grace as He chiseled away at the grip I had on my life - a pull that was keeping me earthbound and keeping me from the all sufficiency of His grace.

It is interesting to look at the thoughts that come during critical moments in our walk with God - thoughts aimed at keeping us earthbound in our journey. When Geoff Ashley spoke to me about the trip to Africa, I got a sinking feeling. I thought, "Why did I say anything to him about teaching?" At first, I tried to put the thought out of my mind; but a number of questions began to pop into my mind. "Why would I, as a 72 year old be asked to go on a trip like this?" "What could I do?" "Can't I better serve by helping others in other ways?" I almost made that statement to him; but kept silent. "What could happen to me physically?" "How could Betty and I financially afford to do this?" This was a big one. We had been making some financial plans and the $3000 to $4000 costs for this trip would go a long way in helping us meet those plans. The financial cost loomed large at that point especially since my work does not permit me to ask for financial help. On several occasions when I would mention the cost, Betty would say, "If this is what God wants for us the money doesn't matter." But truthfully, it was mattering to me and that bothered me. Again, in looking back, I realize that God had already been preparing her for this moment. Eventually God would work me through that issue to the point that I would not see it as a financial loss. I would see it as gain beyond anything financial.

I had other nagging concerns. There were all those statements I had made about wanting a new direction for my life. There were statements about not wanting to retire in my walk with God. I had said a number of times that I didn't want my life to become one of enjoying the place called "the comforts of my age." I was very bothered by the fact that all this "good resolve" could be just talk. In Bunyan's allegory there is always the possibility of being like "Talkative" - like those described in Matthew 23:3 as "They say, and do not" or "They preach, but do not practice." John Bunyan had this to say about those who are just talk:

How Talkative at first lifts up his plumes!
How bravely doth he speak! How he presumes
To drive down all before him! But so soon
As Faithful talks of heart-work, like the moon
That's past the full, into the wane he goes;
And so will all but he that heart-work knows.

Such talk can come from a true desire to walk and dwell deeply with God; but it can also proceed from pride or easily be left to the operation of the flesh or "Adam the First." I was leaning toward "wane he goes" and about to miss the experience of "heart-work." I know that was happening because I tried to put Geoff's question out of my mind rather than face the issues that it had raised in my life. I wasn't even trying to think it through or commit it to God. I thought, if I hear nothing else about this, then maybe I won't have to decide or maybe he wasn't really asking me. That seemed to be the course of things. I heard nothing else for several weeks. I began to relax. Then on June 30, 2009, Geoff sent me an email and asked me again about going. He said, "I was not sure how interested you were in the Sudan trip, but I just wanted to give you some details regardless. The dates are October 5-17th. If you are interested, go on and fill out the application. The trip name is Sudan III." So there it was - no escape. I had to decide.

I wasn't entirely sure how Betty would react if I decided to go; but, as I have said, she was way ahead of me. In fact, she was gently encouraging me to go. I am not sure what it would have been like had she not had this peace about it. I am glad that I didn't get to find out. As word got out to some about me being asked to go on the trip, they were encouraging me to go and talking about it as the experience of a lifetime. That was not helping me at the time. It was only making me more acutely aware of the struggle and how different talk and action can be. Guilt was knocking at the door. So here I was having just proclaimed that I wanted Jesus Christ to be my passion and priority. I wanted to treasure the sight of His glory by faith. I wanted a Holy Spirit led life of obedience. I said that I wanted His life to be a refreshing drink to my thirsty soul and that I wanted to live the essence of the gospel. I hate to think that my life could come down to just talk. This clearly left me with two choices. I could either go on the trip and move forward in my walk with God or I could retreat and forever lose, no doubt, what God had been preparing me for all these years. Just one more step; one more step. There actually was a third choice. I could go but for the wrong reasons. I could go out of fear. I could go to impress others that someone my age would do this. That troubled me even more. Too much was involved for me to go in that manner. Either way I decided, I knew it would involve surrender - either to fear or to trust - to self or to God. At that moment I was not sure how I would decide or maybe I did know, but I was not to the point where it would have been a willing, joyful surrender. I am thankful that this did come later, but at that point the battle was joined. What would my surrender look like? Would I move forward or retreat? Would I move forward in faith or fear? Would I decline to go because of fear or would I go because of fear? Would my concern for financial cost win the day? Stir into that mix a little pride in being asked to go and you have the makings of a mess. I did not want to deal with all of this; but now it was full blown.

It still bothers me now that I had these thoughts and that it got so out of hand; but I can't deny that is what happened. I would have much rather been "Faithful" and have jumped right in without any hesitation. It is obvious though that I had much to learn before that time came. I would much rather have been writing about an instant willingness to obey. Instead I was trying to live out a new version of the tale of Jonah. I knew there was some progress being made because as I got closer to deciding to go, I was convicted that if I went, it had to be for the right reasons. I was concerned that it would not be. I was concerned that it might be the same old fear response that had so often characterized my life. Regardless of what was happening or would happen, I just kept moving forward. That brought me to the mission trip application required by our church - something I had not expected. I just assumed that when I decided to go that would be it. Not so. There was the application. As Geoff said, "It is called Sudan III." By now the deadline for the application had passed.

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

What Does It Mean to be the Clay?

2009-10-30T17:12:00.008-05:00

Part of the answer to the title question is that clay is to be molded in the potter's hand. It doesn't form itself. Scripture tells us that we are clay and God is the Potter. The same is true of us. There is a process that takes place through out our lifetime as children of our Heavenly Father. We are meant to be molded and shaped by His loving and gracious hands in to the image of Christ. He does just that. But unlike clay, in the clay of our humanity, we often resist and challenge the process of being transformed into that image. We often resist, sometimes in subtle and "acceptable" ways, God's call to be obedient and pliant vessels. I was about to find out in a very personal, but thankfully not a painful way, what it means to be the clay and not the potter.

On May 23, 2009 I posted the words contained in "I Went to the Woods." What I had written was too long so I decided to save the balance as part two. At least that was what I thought at the time. I believe now that God was going to let me face what I had written in a real life situation and begin to understand something of what that would mean in real life. In addition to those words, I had on a number of occasions made statements to my wife, Betty, to the effect that I did not want to "retire" when it came to my journey with God. I really felt that was an honest conviction about how I should live out my life in the "later" years as they are called. I had heard people say, "Well I have done my part. Now it is time for the younger folks." I really didn't want that to be true in my life. Words can just be words; but not with God. Sooner or later, I would be tested and stretched at this point.

We all face challenges when it comes to obedience and God has to expose areas in our lives - the rough places that require His attention as He shapes and molds us in to the image of Christ. I was about to find out that maybe I did enjoy a more comfortable role at this point in my life - that maybe my resolve was not as strong as I thought it was and that maybe until I was tested my convictions were not all that resolved. So in the writing that I had not posted, I was going to have to go beyond words. I had no idea that I had just written the prelude to what God was about to do in my life. I had just raised the issue - What does it mean to be the clay?

Within less than a month after I finished what would have been part two of "I Went to the Woods," Geoff Ashley, the Disciple Resource Pastor at our church, asked me a question that put the spotlight right on my heart. I think I had been walking in the shadows. In the course of an after dinner conversation on the evening of June 17, 2009, I had just made a statement about loving to teach. I was not expecting what followed when Geoff said, "Do you want to be part of a seven man team from The Village Church to travel to Yei, Sudan and teach a group of pastors?" As the football coach and commentator, John Madden would say, it was like "Bam!" In that moment I was being confronted with the fact that I did have a comfort zone. I had just been called out on my resolve. I had just been called out on the things I had written a few weeks earlier. This actually became clearer to me over the next few days. At first it was more of a sinking feeling. I wish I could say that I had been able to make the decision to go with great ease. I wish I could say that my initial reaction was one of thankfulness that I had been given an opportunity of a lifetime at this point in my life; and that I immediately said "Yes" out of a heart of gratitude and faith. That didn't happen immediately; but I did get to that point and that certainly is important. But, first, God had to do some things in my life. He had some work to do before I was ready. In looking back I have been disturbed about my hesitation but the more I have thought about it the more I have realized that even now, 63 years into my life as a Christian, God still is working in my life. That truth, in a greater sense, is refreshing. He hasn't put me on the shelf to gather dust. That is the kind of God He is - a loving and caring Father who wants more for His children than they often want for themselves. That can only be to His praise and glory. So, as regretful as I am in one sense that I didn't respond with immediate obedience, I am grateful that I can respond now with much gratitude for who He is and How He loves His struggling children. I had to write about this struggle and process that I was going to have to go through to reach the point where I was ready to say "Yes" with a heart of thankfulness. It is just one more example that we are moving toward the goal of the high calling and that we aren't there. It is exciting to know that God is not finished with you - that He is still molding and shaping - that you are still blessed to be clay in His hands and as the song goes - to realize that He doesn't throw the clay away. He lovingly and patiently walks you through the process of obedience as He chisels away from your life to bring you to completeness. I can say, as many can, that if you stay the course, it is, in a sense, like Isaiah wrote in Isaiah 29:17. "Is it not yet a very little while until Lebanon shall be turned into a fruitful field, and the fruitful field shall be regarded as a forest" and in Isaiah 29:19, "the meek shall obtain fresh joy in the Lord..." That is worth pushing ahead for - a fruitful field, a forest, and fresh joy. That is worth the experiencing the shaping hand of God.

As you read what would have been part two of "I Went to the Woods," you will see that I made a number of statements concerning my journey with God and what I desired for my life in the days ahead. I had previously dotted the roadside of my journey with statements to the effect that it was past my time to go on a mission trip to another country. I could, I guess, blame age for my hesitancy and struggle with the matter of going to Sudan; but I am not sure it would have been any different had I been 40 years younger. I have debated with myself about writing of this struggle; but then I decided to go ahead. I don't want to forget how gracious God has been in all of this as He patiently brought me through the issues and excuses that I raised. I really want to dwell on the fact that He did not let me miss something that I would have regretted the rest of my life. Just thinking about getting bogged down in the issues of comfort and the uncertainty that I perceived in such a trip makes me uneasy. I don't know how close I came to the line of retreating. I am not sure I want to know. I also want to talk about this struggle because I believe others struggle with similar issues - issues like trying to be obedient on their own terms. Our pastor, Matt Chandler, had just talked about how we can easily try to offer substitute forms of obedience that are more to our liking. I was reminded, too, in all of this struggle generated by Geoff Ashley's question that I was wanting to choose the classroom or setting for God's work in my life. I can't deny that I was trying to find a more comfortable form and path of obedience toward what God wanted for my life. I am thankful God didn't let that happen. I am thankful that Geoff was persistent and cared enough to not let the matter drop.

I know that we do not choose the classroom or setting for learning the lessons that God has for us even though our human nature says "Try." It doesn't matter how long you have been a Christian or how old you are. That truth doesn't change. To say we are God's children means more than a relationship. It means that because we are His children He continues to work with us as a loving Father even if we are His "elder" children. Philippians 2:12-13 remains true for our lifetime as a Christian. "Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure." This whole Sudan episode has been one of those working out moments.

I realize, now, that God had already chosen the classroom for me "to work in me, both to will and to work for his good pleasure." It would be in a church compound in a remote area of Africa called Yei, Sudan, helping teach the multifaceted, foundational aspects of the gospel (which I, too, desperately needed to understand) to a group of joyful, happy, God loving and worshiping brothers and sisters in Christ - learning from them and worshiping with them and seeing the gospel at work in their lives and seeing people living for God's glory even it meant suffering for them. It would be in the many hours spent studying and preparing for the talks that I would be giving and in the coming together of a team of dedicated young men and one guy nearly 40 years their senior. It would be in sitting on an airplane and in an airport for nearly 35 hours coming and going wondering what your 72 year old body was experiencing in all of that. It turned out even that part wasn't bad. You were in God's hands and as my friend, Dr. Steve Glaser said when I was trying to decide to go, "Just think. What is the worse that could happen to you?" It would be in the supportive praying and encouraging words of a loving wife who saw before I did the need for me to go to on this trip to Africa. It would be in me seeing how she would handle things in my absence and how she, too, grew from this experience. It would be in the days of struggle leading up to the decision to go in faith, not fear and in fighting against retreating and being flat out disobedient. It would be in learning the importance of being credible to yourself and others. It was learning, to use the words from a favorite movie of mine, that you don't "tuck tail and run." I have learned much up to this point; but I know there is more for me to learn. I don't want anything to be lost to memory or have the passage of time blur the details of this unbelievable journey - so I am trying to carefully record as much as I can - even the stuff that isn't all that complimentary.

To fully appreciate all that was about to happen, I have had to go back and read the words from the unpublished, "I Went to the Woods, Part 2." I know those words were used by God to set the stage for what was about to happen. Here is what I wrote and left unpublished on May 23, 2009:

I was privileged over the years to study God's Word and to pass the truth of God's Word on to others. That, however, did not always leave my heart full. Instead of taking my life deeper into the heart of God and bringing fresh communion with the Lord, those efforts, for the most part, were resulting in width - not depth. A little over two years ago when we moved to the North Texas area and became members of The Village Church, I found myself living in the shallows. I had retired after nearly 50 years of work (though I was still working some). I had just given up teaching, in our former church, a group of men and women who meant and still mean a great deal to me and my wife. That experience had been a real blessing to us. We would later realize that God had used that opportunity to prepare us for what He had for us here, as Paul said in Acts 17:26 in the "boundaries of our new dwelling" which He had "allotted to us." We just don't waltz around on our own. But even though we knew that God had brought us here and to The Village Church and even though we were under great teaching of the gospel, something was affecting the strength of grace in my life. With every passing day I was becoming more concerned about how I would finish the course of my journey. And then somethings began to happen in my life which in itself is another story. The path started to become clearer. The light started to shine a little brighter."As I write these words, I know that for me to go on and not live in mediocrity, the gospel had to somehow consume and dominate my life.

[Jerry Bridges and Bob Bevington expressed the important of this in their book, The Great Exchange. They wrote "Many believers view the gospel only as a message to be shared with unbelievers but not personally applicable to themselves anymore...We need the gospel as well. We need it to remind ourselves that our day-to-day standing with God is based on Christ's righteousness, not our performance. We need the gospel to motivate us to strive in our daily experience to be what we are in our standing before God. We need it to produce joy in our lives when we encounter the inevitable trials of living in a fallen and sin-cursed world."] [Discovered later as a result of preparing for this trip]

Jesus Christ has to be my passion and priority. I have to let Him define my life. I have to treasure the sight of His glory by faith. I have to have a Holy Spirit led life of obedience. Christ, through the Holy Spirit, has to stir up grace in me. The words of 2 Corinthians 3:18 has to become consistently true in my life. "And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit." My mind must be continually transformed. My vision of the glory of the Lord has to become clearer. And I have to find out how all this can happen. I realize that I have too much to live for and enjoy. I have a blessed marriage of shared dreams and hopes, a wonderful family and friends. I am in good health. I have a great place to worship and learn. On the list could go. I want my life to be one of gratitude. I know for this to happen that the light of faith must grow brighter and I must live in light of the truth expressed by Paul in Philippians 3:9. "...and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—" This truth is going to have to dominate my life. But I am apprehensive. I am not sure what all this will mean or in what direction God will take my life. Maybe I am concerned about whether I can meet the tests.

I know that I have been held captive much of my lifetime as a Christian by efforts to live in a righteousness of my own. I know that must change if I am to go on. I didn't wish that for my life. The words Paul wrote in Philippians 3:7-11 are very familiar to me. I know that in those words there is freedom to live. But what lies on the other side of those words causes me concern. I don't know what this desire will mean for me. Am I ready for this to happen? Am I sufficient for that kind of living? Where will this take me?

I left the baptismal services in August 1946 following the public statement of my faith in Christ and embarked on a journey that so many in my time would take. For years to come, the gospel served as my entry point into salvation. My understanding of the gospel was that it was primarily for the unsaved. [I had yet not read the words from "The Great Exchange" quoted above when I was writing this]. That left me beginning the journey with an understanding that the Christian life was one of trying to live a good life.

I have discovered that this approach to the Christian life will express itself in basically one or two ways. There will either be loathing of self because you can't live up to the standards or there will be pride because you think you have lived up to the standards. In that world, whether you are smug or crushed depends on how high the standards are set. I heard about religious living - about what to do and not to do. I never heard about the on-going importance and relevance of the gospel to my life as a Christian. I have heard about this truth in the last two and half years. But until then I never paid attention to the fact that much of the preaching of the gospel in Scripture was to the saved. That would, hopefully, have told me something. In what have been a life long approach to my new life in Christ, I came down most of the time on the side of being crushed and having a gut wrenching sense that I could never consistently measure up. I constantly battled fears of uncertainty. They still rise up at times in different ways than about my salvation. The thoughts of God's wrath were terrifying at times. As a result of this limited view or understanding, I was constantly asking God to "restore the joy of my salvation."

I have struggled greatly at times with understanding my acceptance by God but during the last few years something started happening in my life. Once I became clear about the correct order of the new birth and faith and began to face the realities of God's sovereignty in my salvation, I was able to think more and more about the awesome nature of Christ's death on the cross and what He did. I believe that the more I can focus on what Christ did on His cross and for whose glory He did it the more my perspective will change - the stronger I will grow - the more assured my steps will be. I am seeing evidence of that and I know I have a long way to go. I have got to learn, with God's help, to stand on the ground of Christ death on the cross in its true meaning. Yet, even now, I know that the truth of all that happened on the cross must still grip my life even more and I have to clearly see what and Who is mine by faith.

I am ready for Christ's life to be a continuous, ever increasing refreshing drink to my thirsty soul. I want to experience in a new and deeper way what it means to live on the basis of seeing Him crucified, exalted and glorified. I just don't know at this point how that is going to happen.

As I write these words today, I realize that God did know and in order to unfold all that in my life, He had to bring me to a very critical point in my journey. But as of May 23, 2009 or even up to the evening of June 17, 2009 and maybe for several weeks after that, I didn't have a clue how God was dealing with my life. I knew I had been shaken. I know that I had not faced up, as I should have, to the fact that He would work in my life on His terms and in His way. In fact I was so focused on me that I could not really see God in any of this at first. That explains a lot when it comes to the struggle that followed after Geoff Ashley asked me, "Do you want to go to Yei, Sudan?" At that point, my mind just froze on that question. In all that followed, God was about to give me a graceful reminder that I am the clay and He is the Potter. For that I am thankful because I would just make a mess of things.

Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Jerry Bridges & Bob Bevington, The Great Exchange, Crossway Books, 2007, p26.

An Amazing Journey

2009-10-21T09:59:00.004-05:00

It has been nearly five months since the last post. I do not yet understand all that has happened in my life since then. The journey just got incredible. I began the last post with these words,

"I went to the woods because I wanted to see if I could not learn what life had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."

Little did I know what I was about to encounter - especially in view of the concluding words of that post:

"For the next series of posts, I want to explore what happened to my life and why it happened. I believe, for me, it will prove to be a time of on-going discovery and understanding - sort of a re-constructing of my life in light of the gospel. What I write today may have to be revised tomorrow. That probability is part of the journey. Ultimately, I am expecting to experience a total re-arrangement of my life - a clarifying of understanding when it comes to real living - gospel centered living. It will be a quest to understand the gospel and grow deeper in that understanding. I want the results expressed in Colossians 1:5-6 , to be true of my life. "...Of this you have heard before in the word of the truth, the gospel, which has come to you, as indeed in the whole world it is bearing fruit and growing—as it also does among you, since the day you heard it and understood the grace of God in truth,..."

I was expecting to experience a total re-arranging of my life concerning what gospel centered living meant; but I had no idea what God was about to do in my life as part of that re-arranging. Within a little more than a month after I wrote these words, I found myself preparing for a journey of a lifetime - an experience that would take my journey with God deeper than anything I have ever experienced. So for however long it takes, I will be writing about that journey and seeking to understand all that God has given me and will give me in that experience. I will give you a hint. It has to do with Africa and a physical journey of nearly 20,000 miles; but a spiritual journey that I hope has no end this side of heaven. It began with doubt and fear and ended with a renewed faith beyond anything I could have imagined. When I began that last post and spoke of not wanting to come to the end of my life and discover that I had not lived, I had no idea what God was going to do. I had no idea of the classroom God had prepared for me. I soon found out it would go far beyond just an academic exercise.

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

I Went To The Woods

2009-05-23T11:00:00.002-05:00

Some years ago I read these words by Henry David Thoreau:

"I went to the woods because I wanted to see if I could not learn what life had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."

I love the woods. I guess growing up on the Gulf Coast made me appreciate the woods even more. We lived for a period of time in a rural area surrounded by woods. I could look out the study window and see the woods in the background. One day I was fortunate enough to have my camera. It turned out this picture would be a reminder of what once was; but no longer exists. Hurricane Rita cleared the trees shown in the picture.

I first discovered the words of Thoreau while looking at this scene - of course, the deer were not always there. Most of the time they were. My thoughts often go back to the woods that surrounded our home on the hill. Today it caused me to think of Thoreau's words. I have been trying to understand my life in terms of my relationship to God through Christ. In the past two years I have had to make a number of adjustments in my thinking and understanding about what this new life means and how it is to be lived. I never dreamed that this would be happening to me at my age; but I am thankful that God has allowed to take this journey of discovery. It is like I have been given a new framework for living. It is like the number of pixels of a camera have been increased. As a result, images of understanding have become sharper. The key that has opened yet another door in my life has been the result of a fresh understanding that new life in Christ is basically one of living out the gospel. This has been a major discovery for me. Before that, I just saw the gospel as the entry point for my salvation - not something that was meant to engulf my life - not something that was meant to continually be a point of reckoning.

I often wonder how many people have or will discover, too late, perhaps, that they have not lived. I am convinced that many Christians will find that this has been true in their life. For those who care, I hope it will not be too late for them to do something about it. Many Christians may not recognize that they are living, at this very moment, a life that is empty and without real meaning. Some may; but they don't know what to do about it. They may know something is wrong; but they may not be clear about the problem. Their life can be just too cluttered with other things - with substitutes. They are just going through the motions - doing church. For them new life in Christ is a matter of religious performance. It is only an outward reality. Their life is one of trying to be a good person - trying to live up to moral standards that may be self imposed or imposed by others. They "go to church." They study God's Word and may even teach His Word. Some may wonder from time to time whether there is more to this "new" life. They may wonder what happened following their "experience" with Christ. The gospel came into their lives and they trusted Christ. And yet one day a person like this may say, "I thought I was really living the Christian life; but I haven't lived at all." I know from experience - this can happen. Why is that? What happens to people (not all people; but many)? Why do Christians settle for substitutes that leave them without deep reverence, repentance, and worship or concern for God's glory?

Conditions like these may explain why there is a growing emphasis on helping Christians feel better about themselves. Many Christians can recite Paul's great affirmation found in Philippians 1:21, "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain." Yet, these words, which express the reason for our being and the very essence of our new life in Christ, are just words. I am sad to say that for much of my life, those were words that I could recite and talk about; but they were not always words in my heart. I want to understand what happened and how I got off track. This has required, once again, that I go back to the summer of 1946 when I came to Christ in faith and retrace my steps from that point forward. What I have discovered so far has left me with both disappointment and gratitude. I am disappointed because I did not understand sooner the meaning and importance of gospel centered living. On the other hand, I am grateful that God, in His grace, is giving me the opportunity at this juncture in life, not only to understand what that kind of living means but also to allow me to start living that kind of life - experiencing the encouragement of Christ's presence and glory - beholding His glory and experiencing its transforming power by faith. I have already learned that my mind must be continually filled with thoughts of Christ. I must continually find delight in Him and pleasure in Him. I must identify the things that will hinder me in doing that and then seek, with His help, to deal with those hindrances. I realize that it sounds like I want to walk around with my head in the clouds; but that is far from the truth in terms of what God wants and what will happen when that is the characteristic of my life. I will be living out the gospel. At this point, I have no idea where all of this will lead in terms of my obedience to Him and that leaves me somewhat apprehensive. Yet that apprehensiveness is overshadowed by a greater concern for how I finish the journey.

For the next series of posts, I want to explore what happened to my life and why it happened. I believe, for me, it will prove to be a time of on-going discovery and understanding - sort of a re-constructing of my life in light of the gospel. What I write today may have to be revised tomorrow. That probability is part of the journey. Ultimately, I am expecting to experience a total re-arrangement of my life - a clarifying of understanding when it comes to real living - gospel centered living. It will be a quest to understand the gospel and grow deeper in that understanding. I want the results expressed in Colossians 1:5-6, to be true of my life. "...Of this you have heard before in the word of the truth, the gospel, which has come to you, as indeed in the whole world it is bearing fruit and growing—as it also does among you, since the day you heard it and understood the grace of God in truth,..."

I know for certain that from "the day I first heard it (the gospel) and understood the grace of God in truth" that it has been bearing fruit and growing in my life. I was not always aware that this is what was happening. One reason that I know this has been true is because of what is happening in my life. Without the gospel having taken root in my life, I would not be here today. I would not be seeking to understand it more and more. I am not sure where I would be; but I would not be on this journey.

In the last few weeks God has given me a picture of what this part of the journey will be like. I recently got a pair of progressive type glasses. The bifocal lens has been replaced with a progressive type vision. It has required some adjustment because I am having to learn to look at things through lens that are quite different. It is working; although, I had my doubts. The new lens for me in this journey will be gospel lens. It has already resulted in a time of adjustment and in a different view of things. I like this idea of progressing - especially at this point of my life.

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

The Trial of Faith (Part 2)

2009-04-14T20:50:00.001-05:00

One of the most critical sources of evidence in our judicial system for determining identity or family relationships is obtained through DNA testing. DNA is the abbreviated name for a nucleic acid found in humans and most other organisms. The scientific name is deoxyribonucleic acid. The letters "DNA" are much simpler; but that is about as simplistic as it gets for non experts. It is a very complex aspect of biological science and even more complex is DNA testing. Over the years DNA testing has been recognized in our judicial system as a reliable and relevant source of evidence, that is, provided strict standards are met for testing.

In the trial of faith called for in 2 Corinthians 13:5 to determine the presence of Christ in our life or whether we are born of God, Scripture provides another source of evidence. It results from what could be called spiritual DNA testing. This testing will reveal certain clear cut, definite characteristics in one born of God.

If we are born of God, according to several key verses in 1 John, certain birth traits will be evident. We first need to identify the traits. Then comes the matter of comparison or a Holy Spirit aided introspection to determine the presence of these characteristics in one's life. In a sense this evidence is like scientific evidence - it has an objective nature. Even so, it can involve difficulties when we seek to apply it. That difficulty is caused by several factors. One major cause for the difficulty is abnormal spiritual growth.

There are several traits listed; but the first one that I want to note is found in 1 John 3:9. John says, "No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God's seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God. " John is talking about persisting in habitual and continual sin. From the very outset, there will be questions about this trait. Some may wonder how much of a Christian's life can be controlled by sin and that person still be born of God? That question actually raises a more serious question. Why would a person want to know that when the presence of sin, and certainly significant sin, is not in any way an acceptable characteristic of a Christian's life. Yet some walk very close to the edge in that respect. It will help to realize, too, that John is not describing a state of sinless perfection. He is describing the results of God's nature abiding in us - the presence of the divine life which, like a seed, grows and which will have a definite impact on one's life when it comes to the kind of life that is lived. This growth may be affected temporarily; but if there is no growth, then there is no divine life. The divine nature will cause a child of God to hate sin and love righteousness. It will give one born of God the desire and will to do God's will. The source of this desire, according to Philippians 2:13, is God.

As we look at our life and these traits in light of being born of God, we may see some serious issues concerning our sanctification. If so, that should be a wake up call. The seed is meant to grow. This aspect of identifying our spiritual roots, like all of the evidence will require a thorough understanding of and practice of progressive sanctification. There we will learn that while we are never free from sin, we never give up - we press on with the assurance that our identity with the One who lives in us will become more and more manifest. We strive. We pursue and continually go for more. We experience the tension that is within us. We stop playing games with the salvation God has granted to us. This will be true as to the remaining traits noted by John.

In 1 John 4:7-8, he says, "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love." There is a certain kind of love that can only originate from God. It reflects God's essential nature. It is produced by the Holy Spirit in the life of one born of God and one who is yielded to the Holy Spirit. It is the love reflected in 1 Corinthians 13. This characteristic of spiritual birth is expressed in the sense of continuous action. It is meant to be an on-going characteristic or trait.

A third trait is expressed in 1 John 5:4- 5. "For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?" A strong trait in one born of God is a continuous, unshakable faith that Jesus is the Son of God. This is more than mental assent. True faith works and involves transformation and repentance. The statement of John is both deep and broad. It means, for one thing, that Jesus is the focus of our life. It means that the gospel is more than the entry point for our conversion. Our life is gospel centered. We have a gospel centered view of life. It is the day-to-day controlling factor in our life because it is through the gospel that we see, by means of the inner witness of the Holy Spirit, "the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus." Paul speaks of this in 2 Corinthians 4:4-6. He calls this the gospel of the glory of Christ which encompasses all that the gospel is. This steady focus is the bedrock foundation for an overcoming faith. If the evidence of that trait is weak then the problem can be found in how much dominance the gospel has in our day to day life. It also may be true that we are relying on the wrong testimony. Certain witnesses are not true or reliable witnesses. John says in 1 John 5:6-11 "...And the Spirit is the one who testifies, because the Spirit is the truth. For there are three that testify: the Spirit and the water and the blood; and these three agree. If we receive the testimony of men, the testimony of God is greater, for this is the testimony of God that he has borne concerning his Son. Whoever believes in the Son of God has the testimony in himself. Whoever does not believe God has made him a liar, because he has not believed in the testimony that God has borne concerning his Son. And this is the testimony, that God gave us eternal life, and this life is in his Son." This trait of overcoming faith is not the faith exercised at the point of conversion. It is faith that is present now. That means the gospel should be driving our life moment by moment.

There is another factor that can have impact on recognizing these birth traits. In order to recognize this evidence we have to know something. John gives us this clue in 1 John 2:29. "If you know that he is righteous, you may be sure that everyone who practices righteousness has been born of him." He is speaking here of Jesus. The first knowing opens the door to the second knowing which is by means of experience. The more we know the first, the more we can know in the latter sense. This was a driving force behind Paul's statements in Philippians. This takes discovery of a family likeness to a much deeper level. John speaks of this in 1 John 3:1. "...The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him." In fact the natural mind actively works to suppress that knowledge and in so doing deprives itself of what it desperately needs. But for the one born of God, the light of the gospel has shone and enlightened our darkened minds so we may behold His glory. We need to let that light shine brightly. We need that if we are going to discover the critical traits of family likeness. We need this is we want to experience the life given to us through faith in Jesus Christ. We need this if we are going to be able to look into His Word - our true source of discovery - and see Jesus. Only that seeing will let us see the traits of one born of God. Just as DNA testing is one of comparison - so is spiritual DNA. Paul describes this process of discovery in the awesome words of 2 Corinthians 3:18. "And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit." Only as we behold His glory will the traits of family likeness be manifested.

If we want to find the evidence to successful conclude the trial of faith we need to look to Jesus or as the writer of Hebrews 12:1-2, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." Back up a chapter and take a good look at those witnesses and you will see how strong their spiritual birth traits were. The reason - they were strong in the faith and they were strong in the faith because of the One to whom they looked.

A trial should hopefully end with a verdict. Sometimes the fact finder, if it is a jury, cannot reach a decision and the judge must declare a mistrial. If the fact finder is a judge, inability to reach a verdict is not an option. A decision must be reached even though it may require more evidence. For the trial of faith, a decision has to be reached. It may involve seeking and developing stronger evidence. If you are of the faith, there is a way. Look to Jesus, pursue Him with the assurance expressed in 1 Thessalonians 5:23 "Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ." Pursue Jesus with all diligence or as Peter says in 2 Peter 1:10 "Therefore, brothers and sisters, be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall."

For some the evidence may be lacking - not because of abnormal spiritual growth but because that person has never been born of God. Some may have given external signs of conversion but have eventually fallen away. For some Matthew 7:21-23 may be an ever present frightening thought. If you are experiencing a sense of worry or fear or if the verdict is not favorable, seek help. Maybe you are experiencing a season of darkness and cannot hear the Lord's voice or experience a sense of His love and presence. Continue to seek Him in prayer, weeping, reading and hearing His Word. In "The Glory of Christ," John Owen said, "Faith continually seeks him and thinks of him, for in this way Christ lives in us...But we experience the power of his life in us only as our thoughts are filled with him and we continually delight in him. If, therefore, we would behold the glory of Christ, we must be filled with thoughts of Christ and his glory on all occasions and at all times. This is the mark of a true Christian...Let that glory so fill our hearts with love, admiration, adoration and praise of him that our souls will be transformed into his image." Finally, I would encourage you as I encourage myself, read and re-read the high priestly prayer of Christ in John 17. Faith ebbs and flows. There are degrees; but the object of our faith, Jesus Christ, does not. We may struggle at times to know if we are born of God. Not so with the Lord. 2 Timothy 2:19 "But God's firm foundation stands, bearing this seal: “The Lord knows those who are his..." Over the course of my life I have, at times, walked in seasons of darkness to the point of despair. I pressed on, realizing later that the Lord was pulling me. At times I pushed the trial too far and too long. It became my effort unaided by the Holy Spirit. The verdict would not come and I fell deeper into despair. I finally came to realize that while we should pursue the trial of faith with all diligence, we must do so carefully. We can lose sight of the purpose and forget there is a life to be lived by faith. We can let our own mind and heart dominate us in that pursuit. Our eyes and heart can become closed to His Word. John Piper, in his book, "When Darkness Will Not Lift," says, in effect, that introspection can become self-absorption and small mindedness. It may start out as introspection aided by the Holy Spirit; but it can, instead, be introspection of our own making. He says we "need to embrace a vision of life that is far greater than our present concerns." Pursue the trial of faith. If we find our hearts faint and starving, we need to repent and never stop trusting in the gospel. Then get on with living the faith that we have been freely given with knowledge, as stated in Philippians 1:6, that the Lord will complete what He started.

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

The Trial of Faith (Part 1)

2009-03-31T15:31:00.000-05:00

In the field of law, evidence is essential in proving whether something is true. Rules of evidence exist to assure that fact finders base decisions on the most credible and reliable evidence. In a sense, the same is true when it comes to the higher call in 2 Corinthians 13:5 to test and examine to see if we are in the faith. We need reliable and credible evidence and an authoritative rule to know what evidence is admissible. That rule is the Bible.

In 2 Corinthians 13:5 Paul writes, "Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test!" In this trial, God's Word must be our standard. Any other standard or source is both faulty and foolish. Many, however, turn to themselves, others and traditions as the source of authority. They pursue human reasoning. The result of that pursuit will be dangerously flawed and can be eternally damning. Many people just avoid the process. It may seem too challenging. Maybe the question, "Will I be proven authentic?" is too unnerving and maybe there is a concern about being honest before God. The gravest risk, though, is not to "examine, test and realize." It is equally as risky to engage in this trial and not base the process on the Word of God.

Before examining the evidence recognized by the Bible as reliable and relevant, there are several questions we have to ask ourselves in light of 2 Corinthians 13:5. First, who is supposed to conduct the trial? There are always people who would love to do that with your life. But Paul is very emphatic at this point. He literally says, "You, yourself examine, test and realize." This trial is the primary responsibility of each individual for their own life.

Second, we need to know something about the procedures that are involved. We find guidance in this passage. The first step, Paul says, is to "examine." That word means to look for specific proof. It is a word that has the idea of optimism. You don't go at this in a negative way. Good things will come from this examination. Next he says "test yourselves." The word "test" speaks of an objective evaluation centered around a central issue. I have seen many trials where there is a lack of understanding of the issues. Without that understanding you will wander aimlessly and the discovery of truth will be an illusive endeavor. One critical part of legal training involves learning how to determine the issue or issues. Paul says that is important in this trial. Finally, Paul says there is something we need to realize about ourselves. That brings us to the real, central issue - realizing, based on what is true, whether you are in the faith, that is, whether Christ is in you. What Paul is describing is a picture of what takes place in our own judicial system. You determine who has jurisdiction to conduct the trial. You follow the correct procedure. You discover the evidence and determine what evidence is valid or admissible based on an authoritative rule. You present that evidence and a conclusion is reached based upon that evidence. In the trial of faith, the conclusion or realization that we seek is expressed in the question asked in verse 5, "Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you." The realization called for in this trial involves a growing awareness that Christ is in you. This ties us directly to the process of and importance of sanctification. For many there may be an arrested awareness. It is easy to have a lack of or a retarded growth of that awareness and there are many reasons for this. If this is part of our discovery, then we need to take steps to deal with it immediately.

Third, we must determine what evidence is valid when it comes to the trial of faith. What evidence is admissible in the trial to determine if we are in the faith and if Christ dwells in us? If you are in the faith and Christ dwells in you, you can start this process with the assurance that there will some evidence supporting that fact. If I am a Christian - that is, one in whom Christ dwells or one born of God then there will be evidence of that fact. You may have to reject alot of so-called evidence in the process of getting to the real evidence. Certain things may have to be ruled inadmissible. That will be good because of the result that can be achieved. You may find that the evidence has grown dim and become muddled. As you begin to place your life up against the Word of God and allow God's Spirit to reveal things in your life, you may also be confronted with the need to repent. We may have to deal with this need at every turn because of how muddled our lives have become or how neglectful we have been in the matter of progressive sanctification or growth to maturity. We may find it painful to ask, "Can I see Jesus in my life?" Can I see a transformation taking place? What ever it takes, though, know this - it will be worth the pain to ask serious questions and take stock of where we are in our spiritual journey.

Fourth, there will be witnesses that can be called in this trial. Again, we want reliable and credible witnesses. What are reliable witnesses according to Scripture? I will be brief in this; but I would challenge you, as I challenge myself, to keep looking in God's Word for these witnesses and sources of evidence.

There is the witness of the Spirit - an inner testimony. Romans 8:16 says "The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God..." I have struggled at this point - that is as long as I have struggled with the source of my faith. Once it became clear to me that faith followed the new birth, it became easier to listen to the witness of the Spirit. My mind was freed of an unnecessary burden or battle about how I got saved. I have also struggled because I have not fully understood the scope and might of God's forgiveness. Paul speaks of this in 2 Corinthians 7:10. "For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death." You cannot think or function properly if your life is weighed down with regret. God's forgiveness is so deep and complete that there is no need to fret with forgiving ourselves. With the Spirit's help and the power of grace, we need to understand and accept the completeness of God's forgiveness. Unconfessed sin will affect the witness of the Spirit. According to Ephesians 4:30, He is grieved and this grief will weigh you down. However, when the witness of the Spirit has been released, we also find the inner witness of peace through our Lord Jesus Christ. Paul says in Romans 5:1 "Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ." There comes a sense that the war has ended and God's justice has been satisfied. You start to see, in a clearer way, your righteousness in Christ. You begin to experience a deepening reality of the truth expressed in Philippians 3:12. "Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own." I realize, at this point, that I am doing more than mentioning evidence. It is really a two-fold point that I am trying to make - find the evidence and then make the evidence stronger. Paul says as much in this passage - "There is more, press on." There should also be evidence in terms of a desire and thirst to hear God speak. 1 Peter 2:2 says, "Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation—" There is also the matter of evidence seen in the driving force of one's life. What do we want the most? In Philippians 3:8, Paul says, "Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ." I have to say again, that, within each of us, these witnesses, if present, may only be faintly heard. That will have a lot to do with the extent of our growth into Christlikeness or our sanctification.

In "The Trial of Faith (Part 2)" we will consider the evidence of birth traits in those born of God. We will be looking at something akin to DNA results that aid in determining family relationships. However, this will be DNA of a spiritual nature. There is a condition when it comes to considering evidence of spiritual birth traits. In order to recognize this evidence we have to know something. We will consider that condition in part 2 of "The Trial of Faith." The trial of faith is not an ordinary or simple endeavor. It is one that demands utmost seriousness and effort. But behind this trial is an awesome promise. It is found in Colossians 1:27 where Paul says, "To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of the mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory." Paul says that this is God's promise to the saints. Announce ready for trial. Gain a growing awareness of Christ in you - not just ideas or knowledge about Christ that you may have, but CHRIST IN YOU - for real through faith.

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

Are You Of The Faith?

2009-02-26T19:26:00.002-06:00

Over the last few weeks, I have looked at my life in light of the question "Why Did I Come to Jesus Christ in Faith?" I have really struggled with the thought that I had, in someway, initiated salvation by my own will. That idea hung like a dark cloud over my life. It was a cloud that continued to grow darker. The more I considered the verses about the unsaved person's spiritual deadness the more concern I had with the idea that I could have initiated faith. I wanted assurance that the door that was unlocked actually led to salvation and not to some imagined version. The words "I never knew you" kept haunting me. It was only when I came to understand that it was God who initiated everything in my life leading up to and including my act of faith and repentance that I found meaning and peace in what happened in my life that summer of 1946. I have found no other door through which I could enter and find peace other than the door that was unlocked by the sovereign act of God.

Up until recently most of my effort toward understanding was like a search and destroy mission. Finally it became a search and discovery mission. I have been both aided and challenged in this effort by something Paul said in 2 Corinthians 13:5. "Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test!" There is a lot in that verse that I would like to explore - and one day I hope I can. At this point, I just want to "examine" and "test" so that I can more fully realize this about myself - that Jesus Christ is in me and not only realize it but come to the point of consistently living in the reality of that great truth. Life is full of tests and much to my regret, I have not always met those tests. The test called for in this passage is one that I must not only pursue but actually meet. It is not that I haven't tried to test and examine my life over the years concerning my salvation, it is the fact that this effort has been more of a hit or miss endeavor - mostly miss. It was always from a wrong premise or framework. In the last few months, I decided to give it another go. I was concerned that I was just about to give up. I really don't think it was my decision other than to take the step God placed before me. Even then, I won't claim the credit. I know God was working in my life. He was doing that in a number of ways. One was through the prayers and encouragement of my wife. She knew how I was struggling. I also owe a great deal to those whom I have encountered at The Village Church. God has used their ministry and messages to help me escape from the murky waters that had engulfed my life. I believe that He is still using that ministry in ways that I have not fully realized.

The first stage of this examination dealt with the all important question of why I came to Jesus Christ in faith. I can't began to express what it has meant to be able to finally look at my salvation in the correct light of God's sovereignty and not through the lens of free will - that God had left some degree of will within me that, with proper stimulus, would enable me to receive His gift and that He chose me on the basis of knowing how I would respond. I believe in the important role of free will but, until recently, never fully understood that it first required God's work of regeneration. Until then, I was spiritually dead and could act only in keeping with that deadness.

When I found this long sought relief I almost stopped examining and testing - that is until I decided to look a little closer at Paul's statement in 2 Corinthians 13:5. It was then that realized I needed to go farther. I needed to take a specific course of action that involved several things. You not only have to look at how the journey started, you have to consider how the journey has progressed. For me that will involve digging through a lot of rubble. When I walked through the magnificent doorway of salvation into newness of life at age nine, I immediately became immersed in a sea of religion - of doing church - of trying to meet certain moral standards. I grew up in an environment that considered moral conformity and busyness "at church" as the essence of salvation. Going to church, being active in church and trying "to measure up" fairly well summed up my life for a long, long time. As a result I don't think that I have ever fully realized the awesome truth expressed by Paul - "Jesus Christ is in you." I don't think I will this side of heaven; but I know there is room for more understanding right now.

Regrettably my life became one of self effort. Only by God's grace am I here and able to write about this or even want to have more in my life when it comes to Christ. For many years, I knew very little about the role of the Holy Spirit or the critical importance of prayer. I just extended the idea that many have about how you get saved to how you live your life once that happens. That thinking became the basis for living the Christian life. It was all about me and my efforts - not Christ, what He had done and why He had done it. It was also all about repeatedly failing to measure up. The gospel became just an entry point rather than my life. I focused more on the life than the Giver of that life. I think I lived in an environment that got caught up in something described by John Piper in his book "God is the Gospel." He said "From the first sin in the Garden of Eden to the final judgment of the great white throne, human beings will continue to embrace the love of God as the gift of everything but himself." He points out that there are ten thousand gifts that flow from the love of God and then he says, "but none of these gifts will lead to final joy if they have not first led to God." Because of that, I know that part of the process of which Paul speaks will be not only be to examine and test but also to assure continued realization of the truth - "Jesus Christ is in you." That means my focus must be Christ-centered and not man-centered. That means I must pursue Christ and that I must live and breathe the gospel.

What I want in all of this is something Paul speaks of in 1 Corinthians 1:8. "Who will sustain you to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ." The word "sustain" in some translations read "confirm." It seems like a two edged sword. It speaks of a confirmed destiny and being sustained to reach the destiny of standing guiltless before Him. I want to live each day in light of an absolute, rock solid, sovereign guarantee of my future. I want to experience His sustaining power. What hope do I have that this will be true? There are basically two reasons. The first is "Christ in me." The second is expressed in 1 Corinthians 1:9. "God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord." And why do I want to test, examine and realize? It is because of the thought expressed by Paul at the end of 2 Corinthians 13:5 - "...unless indeed you fail to meet the test!" But here is the beauty of the process called for by Paul. Even though that result is possible, you undertake this process not from the standpoint of failing; but with fearless assurance of proving you are in the faith.

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

How Amazing is Grace

2009-02-18T10:17:00.004-06:00

I have written quite a lot about faith; but without grace there would not be faith. It is well to remember words like these written by Charles Spurgeon. "Be careful that you don't fall into error by fixing your mind so much upon faith - which is the channel of salvation - that you forget God's grace, which is the fountain and source of even faith itself. Remember that. Faith is the work of God's grace within us...We are saved 'through faith' but salvation is 'by grace.' Grace is the fountain and the stream...Never make an idol of your faith...New life is found by looking to Jesus, not in looking to your faith." Grace kept us for salvation. It brought us to salvation. It brought us salvation. It envelopes our life, sustains our life, carries us forward and in the words of John Newton in the great hymn, "Amazing Grace," grace will lead us home. But grace is not just past, present and future. It is eternal. In Ephesians 2:6-7 Paul says "God...raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus." By grace we are strengthened. Hebrews 13:9, "Do not be led away by diverse and strange teachings, for it is good for the heart to be strengthened by grace, not by foods, which have not benefited those devoted to them." 2 Timothy 2:1, "You then, my child, be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus." It is all sufficient and all powerful. 2 Corinthians 12:9, "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." It flows from the God of all grace. 1 Peter 5:10, "And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you." It is beyond description and comprehension. It is truly amazing. This is captured in the video that I want to share. It is one more song for the "Amen Journey."

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

Songs for the Journey

2009-02-04T19:55:00.002-06:00

Some months ago I added a music player to the blog. A friend told me about it and some how I managed to overcome technical deficiencies and was to add the player. It took several attempts to get the version I wanted. At first, I think I was just intrigued with it as a gadget. As I began to look for songs to include in the play list, my thoughts starting changing about why I wanted to include the music player and music. That eventually led to a change in the title for the music player. I think it went from "Music Player" to "Songs for the Journey." I wanted to add the dimension of music and singing to what I was trying to say in words. I came across the words of a poem that my college choir director often quoted. It was one of his favorites and it reflected his love for music - especially choral music. It explains, in a way, why I wanted to add the music.

For the common things of every day, God gave us speech in the common way; For the higher things we think and feel, God gave the poets words to reveal; But for heights no tongue or pen can reach, God gave us music—the soul's own speech.

I know that words alone can not express all that I want to say. So along the way of this "Amen Journey" I will include, in addition to the play list selections, other thoughts in song that may help reach a little deeper into our souls. I have tried to do that in the selection of songs; although this is a work in progress.

I have been writing about the matter of my salvation. There are a number of songs that express my "soul's own speech" when it comes to salvation and the greatness of that gift. I have chosen "A Sinner Saved By Grace" by the Gaither Vocal Band. This song is a type of benediction to the series of posts about why I came to Jesus Christ in faith. From my stand point and those who have experienced God's gift of salvation, it really comes down to that one word - GRACE. In this song the writer affirms an awesome truth. "I am a sinner saved by grace. Loved and forgiven; back with the living; all because He (Jesus) took my place." That was true of me in the summer of 1946. It is still true - all because of that place - the cross of Calvary.

Why Did I Come To Jesus Christ in Faith? (Part 6)

2009-01-22T19:40:00.003-06:00

If you have ever driven in heavy fog and then had the fog lift, you will know something of what I have experienced concerning my salvation as I have come to see it in light of God's sovereign work. For years, it has been as though I was looking at pieces of a puzzle spread out on a table. I could never get the pieces to fit so they would provide a clear picture of what happened when I was saved. When it comes to putting a puzzle together, I have found that if I first build a framework using the straight edged pieces then I can fit the other pieces together and complete the puzzle. It also helps to have all the pieces and for all the pieces to be the proper ones. There were deficiencies in all these areas for me - no framework, missing pieces and pieces that didn't belong. The framework that was missing was the sovereignty of God. Once that was in place, things took shape and finally made sense. Also once I got rid of pieces that did not belong things began to come together. Tuesday morning at the men's Bible study, our pastor referred to Job's statement in Job 42:5. I needed to hear that verse because it explains what has happened in my life. After being confronted with God's sovereignty, Job said, "I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you.” Over the years I heard more than I saw. I heard by the hearing of the ear and the source of that hearing was not always correct. However, as God began to confront me with His sovereignty in my salvation, what I saw was Him. I saw Him as the sovereign Lord of my salvation. When I finally turned to God and grappled with the truth of His Word and stopped listening to other voices, a very remarkable thing happened - at least from my perspective. I saw Him as I had seen Him in those critical moments in the summer of 1946 when He called me and I reached out to Jesus. It was like that summer all over again. Actually it was even greater because what I was now seeing was filled with more content and depth.

I know that what I heard as a nine year old boy in those life changing moments was God calling me through His Word and opening my heart, by the power of the Holy Spirit, to the realities of His gift of grace, Jesus Christ. God's Word was made alive in my heart. John 3:16 became more than words. Through the years, as I have tried to understand my salvation, it became more and more like I was looking at scattered pieces of a puzzle. I would add more pieces; but I could not get them to fit. I could not find a sense of peace. Once the pieces were assembled within the framework of God's sovereignty an awesome picture began to emerge - one that has always been there - it was just jumbled. I see Christ dying in my place. I see Christ, as my substitute, paying the price of my sins, to accomplish perfect righteousness and remove me from the wrath of God. I see His burial and His resurrection after three days in the tomb whereby He accomplished victory over death and earned for me a new life just like His. I see me sharing in that burial and resurrection. I see a living hope or as Peter said in 1 Peter 1:3, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead." I see the One I came to know as a nine year old boy - I see the essence of eternal life. In John 17:3 Jesus said, "And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent." For years the focus of my efforts to understand has been on me and what I supposedly did on my own. I thought that was where I was supposed to look. Over time that just scattered puzzle pieces even more. I was looking at the wrong life and in the wrong direction. It not only affected what I saw, it resulted in a loss of the sense of the goodness of the good news. The good news was slowly turning into words on a page. When the fog began to lift and the pieces of the picture started coming together that sense of goodness began to return. As long as I thought that the validity of my salvation pivoted on something I had initiated, life was being drained from the "living hope." It has been refreshing to once again reflect on that goodness. It has been a long time since I could do that.

It is refreshing to see that it was God who saved me and gave me faith. It is refreshing to see that the good news was the power of God for salvation - not something I initiated. Romans 1:16. "For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek." It is refreshing to reflect upon the way God's grace was manifested. 2 Timothy 1:10. "...and which (God's grace) now has been manifested through the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel." It has been extremely refreshing to see that the issue of God's wrath was settled that summer of 1946. The more I struggled with my relationship to His wrath the more fear gripped my life over the possibility that I was still under His wrath. That is not conducive to experiencing the "living hope." It has been refreshing to read these words of Jesus in John 3:36 and find them very comforting. "Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life; whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him." It has been refreshing to walk in the security that the good news brings. John 10:28. "I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand." I have been able to dwell on God's gift of life. Romans 6:23. "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." I have been able to rest in the truth that this new life is in Christ. 1 John 5:11. "And this is the testimony, that God gave us eternal life, and this life is in his Son." I have be enabled to know that I have not believed in vain because it was not my doing. I have been able to find peace about the future because of the eternal dimensions of the good news. 1 Corinthians 15:1-4. "Now I would remind you, brothers and sisters of the gospel I preached to you, which you received, in which you stand, and by which you are being saved, if you hold fast to the word I preached to you—unless you believed in vain. For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures." But most of all, the greatest thing that has come in all of this process of understanding is expressed in 2 Corinthians 4:4. "In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God." God has made it possible for me, by the faith He has given me, to see the glory of Christ. Because of that I can say as did the psalmist in Psalm 118:21, "I thank you that you have answered me and have become my salvation." I know that I now must pursue the way that will make that a continuing reality in my life - that will make 2 Thessalonians 1:12 true. "...so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ."

It is good news in another sense because by it I have gained new understanding of what happened in my life during the summer of 1946. Through it God has enabled me see that it was His Spirit who brought me to the critical point expressed in John 1:12. "But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God." It is comforting to say as one writer did, "I came because He drew me. I came because I was born again. He opened my eyes. He gave me ears to hear. He enabled me to taste and see that the Lord is good." God has opened my eyes. I want to keep seeing. He has given me ears to hear. I want to keep hearing. He has enabled me to see more than scattered pieces of a picture. I want to keep looking at the picture that has so long eluded me. I know there is more to see and hear and I want to continue this journey of discovery to that end for as long as God allows. But, there is something else that I see or rather sense at this point of the journey. What am I to do with this understanding and knowledge? Will it become a picture to hang on the walls of my mind and heart or will my mind and heart become enmeshed with that picture? What now? Will I just be passive and become like a sponge soaking up truth?

Some fear that by accepting God's sovereignty in salvation this will happen. Yet the more I have dwelt on these truths, the more I have found that just the opposite will be true. Job was certainly stirred. The Apostles were transformed and on the list could go. I believe it will stir us as well. I believe that the Holy Spirit will use this truth to put fire in a person's soul. I already sense that it will produce thankfulness. I know that thankfulness will grow the more I come to grips with the awesome depth, breadth and height of God's grace, love and provision for salvation. That kind of thankfulness will not leave you passive. It will either drive you to faithful living or it will make you very uncomfortable when you are not fulfilling the priestly responsibilities of faithful obedience. Peter recognized that we were not saved to be passive. In 1 Peter 2:9, he said "But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light." It has been easy for me to see the "chosen race, royal priesthood, holy nation, a people for his own possession" part and miss the "that you may proclaim" part. I know I have missed it. I have taught that verse; but I have missed it in my heart. I have also missed seeing that in order to "proclaim the excellencies of him who called you" you need to see those excellencies.

As I have experienced peace over what God has done in my life these last months in enabling me to understand the extent of His sovereign action in my salvation, I have been reminded that there is still a world of people who know nothing of the peace and reconciliation that comes through Jesus Christ. There are people still under the wrath of God and people who are living without assurance that they have been removed from that wrath. I am now left with other questions to consider. Will I be content to sit in the comfort and peace of my salvation or will I live out the good news that brought me that peace? Did God give me understanding concerning the gift of salvation that I have long sought so that I can just be content within myself? Will Christ be so desirable in my life that I can't stand it if He is not desirable in the lives of others? Will I be content to be silent when I have knowledge of the only thing that will set people free? Acts 13:38-39 says, "Let it be known to you therefore, brothers, that through this man forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you, and by him everyone who believes is freed from everything from which you could not be freed by the law of Moses." At this juncture of my life, will proclaiming this truth, in word and deed be a driving force? Will I be willing to do all that I can to avoid being a barren branch?

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

Why Did I Come To Jesus Christ in Faith? (Part 5)

2009-01-13T18:40:00.000-06:00

One of the greatest changes in my thinking - a change that has helped me realize why I came to Jesus in faith - concerns the matter of faith and repentance. It is profound; yet simple. I didn't start the process. It was part of God's grace. In Ephesians 2:4-10, Paul says, "But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." How could I have missed seeing this truth - "...even when we were dead in our trespasses (He) made us alive together with Christ..." and not see that God had to do something in my life before I could respond in faith? Jesus told Nicodemus in John 3:7-8, "Do not marvel that I said to you, ‘You must be born again.’ The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.” That verse seems inconsistent with the idea that my response of faith brought the new birth.

However, when I put faith on the other side of "made alive" and "born again" things started to make sense. The dark shadows that have hung over my life for so long began to lift. It was an astounding thing to suddenly realize that IT WAS NOT ME. My response of faith really was the evidence of the new birth - not the cause. I realize now that I should have wrestled with John 6:37-40 and verses like these a lot sooner. Over the years, I would start and then back away. It has been a source of peace to listen to those words that Jesus spoke. "All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out. For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me. And this is the will of him who sent me, that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me, but raise it up on the last day. For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in him should have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day.” Jesus clearly ruled out the idea that I could start the process. In John 6:44, He said, "No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him. And I will raise him up on the last day."

It now seems plain that the new birth (regeneration) was and is the sovereign work of the Holy Spirit and that comes before any act of saving faith. One noted writer has said, the "cry of faith is the first sound a new born babe in Christ makes. We do not get God to bring regeneration by trusting Christ; we trust Christ because He has done it to us already." Because of God's work in regenerating my life, I could make a personal response that I had to make and was then free to make. The personal response that I made was the result of being acted upon by God. It was a response that was absolutely essential to receiving the salvation that Jesus obtained for me on the cross. It enabled me to repent and turn from sin to grace - all because of grace.

Some might try to explain that God's work in my life was based on His prior knowledge of my choice. He certainly knew the choice I would make. But as far as I am concerned, that explanation is a product of human reasoning trying to deal with God's sovereignty in salvation, the ramifications of election, predestination, calling and the secret counsels of God. There is still much that God has not explained when it comes to the outworking of His sovereignty and human responsibility in salvation. I am content with that and satisfied with verses like Deuteronomy 29:29. “The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law." I am satisfied to know that I am saved; that He calls me by a new name and that He makes all things new. Scripture is very clear that neither I nor anyone else can come to Jesus unless drawn by God. He says in John 6:65, "This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless it is granted to him by my Father." This is a troubling thought for some people. They struggle with it. Jesus recognized that some would take issue. He began the explanation in John 6:61-65 by asking, "Do you take offense at this?" Many do take offense. It has been and is the center of much debate and personal attacks. That saddens me. It is not my intention to join the debate in writing about these difficult areas. I am simply explaining how that truth has impacted my life. I don't have to understand or explain how God works all of this out. What overwhelms me is to realize that had God not been sovereign in my salvation, I would have been lost for eternity. It certainly leaves me without room to boast or feel proud that for reasons beyond my understanding, God called me and enabled me to have faith. Contrary to what some might argue, this view does not in any way lessen my views on the importance of evangelism and missions. In fact, it has just the opposite affect. I know that it, unlike any other view, gives me a real reason to pray for the lost - to pray that God would break down their resistance and show them how sinful and hopelessly lost they are without Jesus - just as He did for me. Because of God's sovereignty in salvation, I can ask Him to give the lost a new heart and open their eyes. I can pray that He would make His grace irresistible. I can pray that God would pursue them and overwhelm them with His glory. The truth of the Spirit's sovereignty gives me real motivation to witness in the face of seemingly impossible situations. I firmly understand why a simple verse like John 3:16 can open the door to salvation and how it can happen when God makes one's heart alive.

I remember that moment when God began to act upon me. It was like a tugging at my heart. I remember the faint longing to come to Jesus and be forgiven. I remember how that longing built with intensity. I pursued that longing and it made an eternity worth of difference. If a person has that spark and nothing more, don't back away. It is God acting upon your life. Run to Him. Take hold of Him. I did that. It opened a floodgate of grace. With that came right legal standing with God (justification); sonship (adoption); the right and ability (through faith, His Word and the power of the Spirit) to be transformed into the likeness of Christ (sanctification). With that came the capacity and ability to keep going (perseverance). Finally, it meant that my ultimate destiny upon death would be to go to be with the Lord and receive a resurrection body (glorification).

Just think that behind these awesome truths is the gentle call of Jesus spoken so long ago and recorded for us in Matthew 11:28-30.

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Why Did I Come To Jesus Christ in Faith? (Part 4)

2009-01-09T07:08:00.000-06:00

When I turned to the truth that "salvation belongs to the Lord, I began to gain a new understanding and appreciation of what God had done in my life that summer of August 1946. Initially I had no understanding about my salvation beyond John 3:16. As time went by, what little I understand got buried by ideas that blurred or minimized the truth of God's sovereignty in salvation. As a result I could never find peace and assurance. The new life that God had given me became an effort at moral conformity. I paid a heavy price trying to measure up to prevailing ideas of what being a Christian meant. When I think about how my life unfolded, it is a miracle that I have been able to return to the place where I started and discover anything worthwhile.

It is a miracle that I have been able to re-examine my conversion. It is a miracle that I am now able to see the events of August 1946 in terms of God's sovereignty. A verse that describes the reason for the change is Isaiah 45:22. God says, "Turn to (look unto) me and be saved, all the ends of the earth! For I am God, and there is no other." That was how salvation came to me that moment in summer of 1946. That is how understanding of that salvation finally came to me in the winter of 2009. I struggled in vain as long as my focus was on the idea that I somehow had initiated the process. Without realizing it, that understanding caused something that I never wanted. It put me in the place of God as Lord and Savior in salvation. I never really saw it that way until now. Until I looked to Him as the starting point for understanding and the source of my salvation, the foundation for my Christian life was as fragile as an eggshell. As a result, I experienced fear, insecurity and spiritual emptiness for a large part of my life. Even worse, this wrong focus kept me from fully seeing and experiencing the richness of the Gospel - Jesus Christ. I didn't understand that this initial life saving look was meant to be a life long and intense look.

The way out of this quagmire has been to go back to the summer of 1946 and seek to correctly understand what happened. It has been a unique experience. I have been reminded of something that happened when I was in the tenth grade that, in a way, describes what I have experienced. In the tenth grade, I came to realize at the expense of a poor test grade that I could not see the questions that had been written on the blackboard. I initially thought I was sitting too far back in the class. Confounding the problem was the fact that I was not permitted to move closer to the blackboard. As it turned out, I needed glasses. I still remember looking through my first pair of eyeglasses and clearly seeing the leaves on trees. Until then much of what I saw was just a blur. That is what my spiritual vision has been like when it came to my salvation. What I am now seeing as I look through the lens of God's sovereignty is even more dramatic. For the first time, I have been able to look at my response of faith in proper alignment to the new birth. I have been able to understand why I came to Jesus Christ in faith.

I know my response of faith was not the result of a spark of human capacity being ignited. There were, of course, human factors used by God - like the faithfulness of my parents to the Lord and His Word, their word of witness to me and the Sunday School teachers who faithfully presented Scriptures like John 3:16. There were the human factors of prayers - especially those of my parents. I am thankful that they believed in the power of the Gospel unto salvation and in the power of the proclamation of the Gospel as well as the need to proclaim that Gospel to me. I don't recall them specifically articulating those beliefs; but, in looking back at their lives and the way they witnessed to me, I know those beliefs were real and true. I never realized until recently as I have reviewed their witness in my life just how strongly they did believe in the power of the Gospel and the proclamation of that Gospel - how strongly they believed in backing that up with prayer. They also believed in the witness of godly lives. That did not go unnoticed. It took awhile to really see how God used that in my life. Whether they fully realized it or not, my parents had committed my eternal destiny to nothing more than the power of God, His Word and the simple proclamation of a little verse like John 3:16. They had committed my eternal destiny to God's sovereignty and it was by the sovereign act of God that I was brought to faith. In a sermon, entitled "Free Grace," delivered 150 years ago on January 9, 1859, Charles Surgeon summed it up. He said,

"If thou be saved, thou hast had nought to do with it; God has done it. If thou be saved, thou hast not deserved it. It is mercy undeserved which thou hast received."

You Call Me By A New Name

2009-01-08T08:26:00.005-06:00

Betty and I are members of The Village Church in Highland Village, Texas. One of the songs we sing there is entitled "Restoration." It was written by David Brymer. Our worship leader, Michael Bleecker, introduced the song to us a short time ago. It is one of the most moving songs we have heard in a long time. I referred to the song in an earlier post because of the impact that it has had on my life - particularly the words used in the title of this post. Because of the struggle that I have gone through concerning my salvation, this song has come to have a very special meaning. It may seem small to some, but to me, being able to sing those words and know deep within that they are true in my life is very significant. When you reach the point of wondering if your salvation is for real or was just something you had created and then have God bring you to the realization that it was real because He had done it, well, a song like that can be very moving. For me to say after years of struggle, "You call me by a new name" was to experience something very liberating. I could affirm that what God said and did in my life as a nine year old boy was true. I could praise Him for erasing the pain of many spiritually troubling years caused by not understanding that my salvation belonged to Him. The song has meaning because it expresses an amazing breakthrough and transformation in a person's life - including mine. It affirms, in a moving way, the truth that God does indeed bring restoration. He does make all things new - not just in our initial salvation but along the way when, for whatever reason, the joy and assurance of that salvation gets stomped into the ground. I still have more to say about why I came to faith in Jesus Christ; but I wanted to take a brief rest in the journey and read these words,

"You bring restoration, You bring restoration, You bring restoration, to my soul. You've taken my pain and You call me by a new name. You've taken my shame and in its place, you give me joy. You take my mourning, turn it into dancing. You take my weeping, turn it into laughing. You take my mourning, turn it into dancing. You take my sadness, turn it into joy. Hallelujah, Hallelujah, You make all things new, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, You make all things new, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, You make all things new, all things new. Hallelujah, Hallelujah, You make all things new."

and hear them sung.

A Message for the New Year

2009-01-01T10:36:00.000-06:00

Part of what I have experienced in this "Amen Journey" is expressed in the Scripture that is the basis for a sermon by Charles Spurgeon. In Revelation 21:5, Jesus says, "And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” This message by Charles Spurgeon is worth reading. He delivered that sermon on January 1, 1885. It is still a timely message for 2009. It is entitled "Sermon for New Year's Day."

May the words, "Behold, I make all things new" become true in our lives this year in ways we cannot fathom. Whatever situation we may face, we need to call out to Him in faith asking Him to "make all things new." Betty and I hope you enjoy this message. Happy New Year.

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

Why Did I Come To Jesus Christ In Faith (Part 3)

2008-12-29T09:53:00.003-06:00

I don't think I have ever clearly understood why I came to Jesus Christ through faith. I have had some answers; but they were never satisfying - that is until recently. I know what part of the problem has been - I have not wrestled with the great statements of Scripture concerning how God saves. This greatly impacted my life in terms of peace and assurance. Over the past several months things have changed. The truth that "salvation belongs to the Lord" has become more than truth in a book on a shelf or one cloaked in haziness. My efforts to understand have involved a new focus. As a result, I have been able to look at my salvation history in a way that I believe finally squares with God's Word. The change in focus involves the truths of God's sovereignty and human responsibility. Much of my focus over the years has been on the latter. I believe in God's sovereignty; but I have not been able to go there when it comes to my salvation. I have been putting human responsibility first in the process. Once I began to focus on God's sovereignty in salvation and discover just how awesome and all encompassing that sovereignty is, I have found that it is only truth that explains and defines my salvation history. It is the only truth that gives my salvation meaning and content. It is the only truth that has freed me from the hazy thinking that has gripped my life and kept me bound. It is like a door has been opened. I am not sure what all I will find beyond that door; but one thing is for sure - I have found peace. That has deepened my thankfulness that it is God who saves and that He saves even though we may not understand all that is involved when it happens.

I have re-examined the mixture of explanations about salvation that seemed to float around my life after I was saved. They were never firm convictions. They never answered the questions that pressed down on my life. Over the years I have heard a great deal about how to get people saved; but not much was said about why a person could believe in the first place. I had been a Christian for nearly 25 years before I ever heard words like "justification," "sanctification," "election" or "calling." For some reason, when it came to the sovereign role of God in salvation, we did not go there and face the straight forward statements of Scripture. Most of what I heard kept human responsibility in the forefront. A friend once told me that he felt if a pastor ever preached portions of John 6 concerning God's sovereignty in salvation that pastor would be asked to leave the church. I thought that might be an exaggeration; and yet I know that when I taught verses like those found in John 6, I didn't deal with them head-on.

Much of what I had to consider over the years rested on the idea that an unsaved person had some type of natural ability to believe the gospel. It was a matter of somehow convincing a person to believe. Along with this thought was the explanation that God had left a little light in each person that could be turned on by human choice or persuasion. Once that happened a person then needed to repent and believe, and, as a result, they would become a "born again Christian." I never used that term because I did believe if you were a Christian you were born again. I just didn't know the finer details of the work of God in the new birth. Getting a person to exercise their free will was seen as the key that would unlock the door to salvation. There was never much said about the power of the Word and the Holy Spirit in salvation or God's sovereign role. I am not entirely sure why this was true. I know that I avoided the strong Scriptures on this point. I guess that was because I could never get those verses to square with the idea that a person had some degree of natural ability to choose. I knew that there were teachings that ignored the truth of human responsibility to believe and repent as well as the need for presenting the Gospel. I heard one man state that he had always been saved and one day he just realized it. I lived in an atmosphere of understanding that looked upon any teaching that God is sovereign in salvation as the equivalent to teaching this extreme view. I think that some felt that such teaching would lead one to accept that extreme view. That did not prove true for me. I have finally found a statement that expresses what I do believe. It is expressed in the doctrinal statement of our church and I this is my belief because I find that it is squares with Scripture.

Looking back over my life, I can say that I knew nothing about any of these wide ranging explanations when I became a Christian. I can say the things that I learned never gave me assurance. This was especially true when I kept running into Scriptures on God's sovereign role in salvation. As a result, I was left trying to re-assure myself; but as long as it was a "me plus God" type of cooperation in salvation, I struggled. I know now after carefully re-examining my conversion, from the standpoint of Scripture and God's sovereign work, that I initiated nothing. If people could have looked into my life before I was acted on by God they would not have seen any initiation on my part. Up until the time God acted upon my life, I thought I was fine. Was I in for a rude awakening. I am certain that a human being did not convinced me of my sin and guilt. I realize now that because of God alone, I went from knowing facts about Jesus to seeing my need for Jesus - and seeing Him for who He is. I realize now that when I saw the need to reach out to Him in faith and repentance it was entirely God's work of grace. I see now that the process did not begin with me and did not happened through the natural processes of my mind or human reasoning or persuasion. I realize there is alot that I don't understand and there is alot that I don't need to understand. I will just be thankful that I am saved and keep pressing forward to grasp all that God will permit me to understand.

When John 3:16 became personal to me in the summer of 1946, it happened in an imperceptible way. When I look at that time in my life, it was like a light was turned on in a darken room. It was like one moment it was dark and then in the next - there was light. The truth of that life saving verse changed. I know now that what happened was solely the result the work of the Holy Spirit. It happened to me apart from any natural ability or power of human reasoning. It would have been impossible for me to do any of that. In fact my so-called natural ability first led me to deny that I needed to do anything. Secondly it caused me to think that if I needed to do anything, it was something I could handle. Without a supernatural change in my life, this natural ability would have served only to keep me in bondage rather than lead me to turn to Christ. There is really only one explanation that makes sense. There is only one thing that squares with what happened in my life. It was the work of God, the power of His Word and the work of His Holy Spirit.

At the risk of repetition, I feel a need to emphasize how deeply I struggled to understand and find assurance. The reason - it is more than an academic struggle. It has been a life or death struggle. For so long I had seen my act of faith and repentance as a choice that I made on the basis of human ability. Much to my regret, I let my salvation rest on that choice. I kept re-examining that choice; but never in light of Scripture. That left me at times feeling like I was dangling over hell. That thought brought abject fear to my life at times. I thought, "What if I died and found out that all I had going for me was just a choice." I knew down deep there had to be more. The only way I could deal with it was to try to push it aside; but it just continued to surface. Part of a song that we sing at our church has these words - "He has given me a new name." There were times when I could not bring myself to sing those words. I wanted to but all I could do was bow my head and pray, "Father please let that be true for me." There is another line in the song that says, "He brings restoration." Those are the words we see on the screen; but what we actually sing sounds to me like "Bring restoration." That would be my prayer as others sang. That cry of my heart was growing faint. The other night in our services I got to sing those words with a glad and thankful heart. I was no longer living with a sense that time was running out for me. I was experiencing restoration.

I had been living as if the validity of my justification originated from a process that started with human choice. When my inadequate understanding of God's sovereignty was stirred into the mix, it left me desperately wondering, at times, if I was even one of God's elect. Had I just elected myself? I had been on the verge of accepting that as true; but I kept pressing forward. In the midst of that turmoil, God did bring restoration. He enabled me to acknowledge that as long as I could, in anyway, start the process of salvation, I would never find peace. I would not find peace pursuing something that was contrary to the truth as expressed in Jonah 2:9 - "Salvation belongs to the Lord!" I would not and could not find peace in the idea that somehow I started the process when Scripture plainly says in Ephesians 2:1-3 "And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind." I have been able to accept the fact that the only choice I could make in that state would have kept me bound in sin. After years of struggling and after years of trying to ignore the struggle, I finally have peace, assurance and security. I finally have more than some vague feeling that Christ loves me and died for me. I know that as a nine year old boy in the summer of 1946 God gave me a new name. I know that is true because God is sovereign in my salvation - because salvation belongs to Him and it is His gift to me.

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

Why Did I Come To Jesus Christ in Faith? (Part 2)

2008-11-29T11:15:00.002-06:00

This is a picture of one of the natural lakes in New Hampshire. I can remember thinking, as I looked across the lake to the trees and mountains, "God did this." Today as I look at the picture and recall the beauty of God's creation, I have another thought. I am aware that, by the will of God, all of creation has been subjected to futility and is under the bondage of decay as the result of Adam's sin. But I know that is just a momentary thing. There is an ultimate reality. One day, God's creation will be set free from this bondage. There will be a renewed creation - greater than the first. As I write this post, I am thinking, though, more about God's ultimate creation - man. There are no words to describe this creation. I am thinking, too, about something that casts a dark shadow over this wonder - mankind is under God's wrath. We are all born into a state of sin and death and we face the punishment reserved for Satan and his angels. Yet behind this deep shadow is the brilliant light of an awesome truth. It is expressed in Romans 5:8-11. "(B)ut God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation."

Ephesians 2:8 explains how this blood bought salvation and reconciliation can become the reality of our life. "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God." In John 3:16, Jesus said, "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." Over the last year, I have looked closely at that time in my life when, as a nine year old boy, I turned to Jesus in faith. I have been more intense about this in the last few weeks. Why did I come to Jesus in faith? These efforts have been bolstered by the words of 2 Corinthians 13:5. "Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test!" While Paul was dealing with persistent wrong behavior in the lives of some to whom he wrote, he also expressed a need for all who profess to be Christians. It is proper and important for us to ask at times if we are true Christians. Are we putting on a front? Are we in the faith? Is there any evidence that Jesus Christ lives in us? I want to address these questions in more detail later; but first I want to know why am I in the faith. Was I drawn by God and the power of His Word or by other means? If it was by any other means or for any other reason, then the foundation upon which I am resting my eternal destiny is false. It is sand. If I came to Jesus by any other power, I really never came to Him. I have struggled over the years because I have not been able to be clear about this. I have been haunted by the words in Matthew 7:23 that Jesus will speak to many, "Depart from Me, I never knew you." I have pursued this question because I want to be assured (and put to rest any question to the contrary) that the war is over. I want to know that I am no longer under the wrath of God because God does not intend for Christians to live as if they are still under His wrath. I want to live in peace in my relationship to God. This goes to the heart of the issue raised by Paul. My salvation must be true according to Scripture. I want to make sure that it is and that Romans 5:1 is true in my life. "Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ."

So, as a nine year old boy, why did I believe the Gospel? I need to preface what I have discovered and am discovering by some of the things I strongly believe about salvation. Some of these beliefs are long standing. There are some things I am now understanding with greater clarity and conviction. I believe in the Biblical doctrines of the sovereignty of God and human responsibility. I believe that both must be kept in balance. We must have a strong view of God's sovereignty. It must not be one that is imbalanced and unbiblical. I believe we have a responsibility to present the Gospel to all mankind and offer Christ to the world. We do not know who will be saved. Only God knows. I believe that the Gospel calls all sinners to repentance and faith and that it calls for a response. I believe that response, though, is preceded by the hearing of the Word and the work of the Holy Spirit in our hearts. I believe that everyone who comes to Christ will be saved. I also strongly believe in truth like that expressed in John 6:37 where Jesus says, "All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out. " I believe that the presentation of the Word and the offer of Christ must be done with intensity - even to the point of imploring. In 2 Corinthians 5:20, Paul said, "Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God." We are to stand with conviction and intensity in Christ's stead and plead to lost mankind. In other words, evangelism and missions are essential responsibilities for all Christians toward mankind. The presentation of the Gospel must not be supplanted by a message of election and reprobation nor entangled in debate. Efforts to understand the validity of our salvation must not become one of introspection to know if we are one of God's elect. I have struggle in my life at that point; but God brought me out of that assurance killing endeavor. Finally, as a preface to what I have discovered and am discovering, I do not ascribe to any teaching that minimizes this truth: Salvation is of the Lord.

I have considered a number of explanations about the moment of salvation in a person's life. It is not my purpose in this writing to delve too deeply into these doctrines and "isms." I just want to nail down some basics. When it comes to how a person is saved and how we should present the offer of salvation there are a number of ideas floating around. Some speak of "leading a person to Christ." People are told that they need to ask "Jesus to come their heart." Some are asked, "Do you want to go to heaven?" That will certainly attract some people - especially children. A series of questions have been formulated that people are called upon to answer and then they are asked to pray "the sinner's prayer." I have even heard people say things like "You should accept Jesus as your Savior so He will not have died in vain." I have seen efforts to use human wisdom and persuasion in place of the power of the Gospel and the work of the Holy Spirit. Today it is popular in some circles to hold up the possibility of riches and wealth to those who "turn to Jesus." If any of those things are necessary, then I missed the gift. None of that happened to me. To assure that I did not miss God's gift and ended up with some human version of the gift, I have gone back in my thoughts to the summer of 1946 and have asked God to help me understand what happened during those critical weeks of my life. Through the years, God has enabled me to retain several very vivid memories of those days when I experienced the power of the Gospel in my life. It has been only recently that I have, with God's help, been able to look at those memories and understand their significance in light of Scripture.

From the time I was about 4 or 5, I can remember spending a lot of time in our church building attending various services and activities. I was involved in Sunday School and Vacation Bible School. I heard stories about Jesus and other stories from the Bible. I was very familiar with the words of Jesus in John 3:16. By the time I was nine I knew the facts about Jesus dying on the cross for my sins and about His resurrection on the third day. I had heard about believing in Jesus. One of the first significant things I remember during the summer of 1946 is the occasion when someone spoke to me about my personal salvation. It made an impression on me. The impression was that I did not want to be bothered. One day during those summer months of 1946 I was sitting on the floor behind the sales counter in my parents' store. I can't remember why. Maybe God just sat me down because of what I was about to hear. I can still see my mother looking down at me and asking, "Do you think it is time you thought about believing in Jesus and being saved?" That was all she said. She never mentioned it again. My response was silence. I don't know all that was going on in my life at that time concerning salvation; but those words, I believe now, were more than just a mother's words of concern to her son. I believe that was part of God's call to me as a lost sinner. On the Sunday I went to the altar of our church, there was no pressure placed on me. There was a deep concern expressed by the evangelist about a person's need for God's gift of salvation. I am sure God was using those words in my life. At the front, when I stood before the pastor, he did not ask me to pray the "sinner's prayer." I just told the pastor, that I was trusting Jesus for my salvation. By then deep burdens had already been lifted from my life. By then I realized that I was a sinner. That was the second significant thing that God did in my life. He let me see my sinfulness and sin in my life in a way that made me ashamed. I also felt terrible guilt. It happened just after my mother spoke to me about salvation. I never forgot what I did. Until these last few days I never understood the significance of what happened. I was sitting in a little tent that I had built in the backyard of my parent's home. It had repeatedly collapsed on me that day. Suddenly, for no reason apparent to me at the time, I began to curse using God's name. It wasn't just one time. I repeated that curse word several times. I had never heard the words "God" and "damn" spoken together. It was not just a word that I was speaking - a byword. I knew that it reflected a view of God that I never realized I had or could have. That terrified me. Until that moment, I had seen nothing sinful about my life. One moment there wasn't a problem. There wasn't any concern about sin or being sinful. But as soon as those words stopped flowing from my mouth, I knew. I became painfully aware of my sinfulness. I had a sense of doom that I have never forgotten. The third significant thing that happened was that in those moments the awareness of my need for Jesus as my Lord and Savior began to change. In fact in those early moments of what I now realize was the power of the Gospel working in my life through God's Holy Spirit, my view of sin and the sinfulness of my life dramatically changed. I felt a tremendous weight of what I now understand was the wrath of God. I was almost to the point of despair because I had cursed God's holy name. I realize now that I was coming alive to the realities of the deadness of my life and my bondage to sin. It wasn't just cursing that was being evidenced in my life. The fourth thing that happened was even further revealing about my sinfulness. I begin to resist God. I was resisting and fighting Him; but I was also trying to change on my own. I guess, at first, my human nature was saying, "You can still pull this off." The fifth thing that happened was when I realized I was powerless. I could not do one thing to change what I had done or what I was or how I degraded God. No human told me that. God did in His Word. I am not sure when God began His call of mercy and grace in my life. It was like Jesus described in John 3:7, "The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.” The wind grew in intensity to the point that there was only one thing I could do - turn to Jesus Christ in repentance and faith. I know that I did. The question I am finally able to ask is why did I do that. I don't know that you can ask that question if you have doubts. Maybe that is why it has taken me so long. I am looking forward to being able to express what I have discovered in the next post entitled, "Why Did I Come to Jesus Christ in Faith? (Part 3).

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

Why Did I Come To Jesus Christ In Faith? (Part 1)

2008-11-16T12:45:00.003-06:00

Note: Please remember that the Scripture can be viewed in a separate window by placing the "glove" or "hand" over the reference.

For a long time it was never clear in my mind why, as a 9 year old boy, I believed in Jesus. Was it because a human being convinced me that was what I needed to do? What part did my will or the will of man have in my salvation? Over time there were more questions; but I basically just accepted the traditional views about salvation without ever having a clear understanding about why I believed. Regrettably, most of what I understood was a mixture of different teachings, opinions and inferences of others. I realize now that a lot of those ideas did not square with the plain statements of Scripture. They didn't seem to start with Scripture.

I am thankful that in the midst of my "amen journey" of discovery and some deep spiritual struggles that I have experienced this past year, God has caused me to ask this question and seek answers. As a result I have gained new and fresh understanding about my salvation. It is not new truth; but it is new, clear and personal to me. One of the most welcomed things that happened was being able to separate the exercise of faith in Jesus Christ from the act of openly expressing that faith during the invitation time of our church that Sunday morning in 1946. Some time before that open expression, I began to see Jesus and the truth of my "salvation verse," John 3:16 in a totally different way. I have not been able to express that difference adequately until just recently. It has been only after God continually confronted me with 2 Corinthians 4:6. I know now that God, at a critical moment in time, spoke these words into my life: “Let light shine out of darkness.” That sovereign and supernatural act brought "the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ" to my heart. In that moment a number of awesome things happened in my life, one of which was that I went from just knowing facts about Jesus to seeing for the first time something of His beauty, loveliness and worth - in other words, His glory. I would not have used these words then to describe that time in my life - mainly because I didn't have the understanding that I now have. In retrospect, they do describe what I felt and thought. As I recall those days and moments leading up to my public declaration, I realized something had noticeably changed in my thinking about Jesus and His words in John 3:16. I also began to experience a battle like I had never known. I mentioned this in an earlier post. It would mark the beginning of a life long warfare that is the lot of every Christian. Much of the battle has centered on the matter of my salvation and acceptance by God. It has been a battle that I have run from; but no longer. This "amen journey" is, in essence, a counter-offensive and with God's help His victory will be my victory. The battle has already been fought and won. I just haven't lived from that perspective.

I also understand now that what I saw in that salvation moment was just meant to be the beginning. I missed the fact that my whole life was to become one of constantly seeing in a deeper and deeper way the beauty, loveliness and worth of Jesus - that Jesus was supposed to become the devotion of my life; that I was to see and live upon the basis of His total sufficiency for my life; and that I was supposed to see Him through the eyes of faith. I know there were times that I did see Him in this way. I just did not fully understood the significance of what I was seeing and why it was so critical to the purpose of my new life in Christ - to know and enjoy the glory of God; and to make the most of Him in all things. Much of this struggle has been directly related to the fact that I did not have a clear, personal understanding that Jesus alone is the Lord of my salvation. Had that been true, I would not have wasted years living on the basis of the weakness of human understanding and explanations. I would not have been so earth bound when it came to the source of faith and the exercise of faith. I would have experienced the truth of 2 Corinthians 3:18 in a totally different way.

This journey of discovery has been a gift from God. So have the messages that I have heard over the last year and a half at The Village Church - messages that have caused me to focus on the beauty, worth and value of Jesus and the need to press hard after Him. I have learned some awesome things about God's sovereignty - especially as it relates to salvation. I am beginning to understand in a much clearer and personal way why God has accepted me. Over the years I have been beaten down as I have focused on "my worth" and on the validity of "my faith." I should have focused on the person of Jesus, His righteousness and worth and upon Him as the Lord of my salvation.

As I began to think about the question expressed in the title of this post I had intended to get right to the point. I was not sure why my focus turned to Jesus; but then I should have known especially after I read these words by Jonathan Edwards. He said, "This sense of the beauty of Christ is the beginning of true saving faith in the life of a true convert." My first question was "How can this be?" I then came to realize that the answer lies in the source of the new sense and awareness of the beauty of Christ. It means something dramatically happened in my life - like the truth of 2 Corinthians 4:6. As I reflect upon what is now happening in my life, it is like a door has been opened. It is also like there are a number of doors waiting to be opened and I am not sure which one the Lord will open. One that has been opened has led me into a room of thought where I have found reason to rejoice in God alone when it comes to my salvation. Here I have found an answer to the question of why I came to Jesus in faith. It is here that I have finally been able to deal with the issue of human cooperation in salvation. It is a room devoid of a lot of ideas that held sway in my life that clouded the truth that "salvation is of the Lord" and things that kept me from experiencing peace, assurance and security. I pray that I will be able to explain in more specifics what I have I discovered for my life that has finally brought a large measure of peace, assurance and security to my soul.

An Interlude in the Journey

2008-11-02T19:02:00.007-06:00

I wanted to point out a new feature in the Amen Journey blog. I am not sure what I am doing other than following directions (hopefully). RefTagger has been added. It is a new web tool that will cause Bible text references to pop up in a small window. Just hover the mouse arrow over the reference and the text will appear. In the lower left corner you will find the words "more." Click on that and it will take you to an expanded version of the text. In the left column of the blog there is a section entitled "Logos.com." It will let you select the Bible version that you want to see when the text pops up. Click on "Save" after you have selected the version. It is supposed to work. Like I say I am not a whiz when it comes to working with scripts. Hopefully it will help to be able to reference the text or a larger view of Scripture using RefTagger. I am including a link for further reading. Just click on the word RefTagger. Here is a sample verse: 2 Corinthians 4:4-6.

I am working on a new post entitled, "Why Did I Believe in Jesus Christ?" I have gone back to the time I first believed and asked "Why." I am not questioning that I did; but I really want to look at what happened and why it happened. If you are reading this, I would appreciate your prayers.

We Have An Altar

2008-10-15T10:43:00.002-05:00

Hebrews 13:10:

"We have an altar from which those who serve the tent have no right to eat. (ESV)"

I have been thinking about altars these last few days. Betty and I are volunteers in an altar prayer ministry at our church. The altar of our church consists of the platform steps at the front of the room in which our services are held. At the end of each service, people are invited to come there to meet with our pastors for prayer or just to talk. Some remain seated and pray during those times while others depart quietly. Our worship leader sings in a Spirit led way. I don't mention this to make a judgment about "altar calls" or to promote one method over another. I mention it and what follows to relate something that has happened in my life and how the "altar call" affected me.

I grew up in a church that had altar calls. This took place during what we called the "invitation time." I responded to one of those altar calls and it had a long lasting impact on my life. Through the years I associated my response to the altar call as the moment I received God's gift of salvation - Jesus Christ. I have described that moment and my understanding of it in the posts of August 26 and September 2, 2008. For me, and perhaps others, this moment of going to the front during the invitation came to represent the moment I got saved. I had heard the verse in Matthew 10:32-33 where Jesus says, "So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven, but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven." In my mind that was linked inseparably to my response of faith. Over the years my focus has been on that moment. That has led to great struggle in my life. Responding to the altar call became the point for measuring the validity of my salvation. As time past, I would think, "Why did I go to the front?" Was it to please my parents? Did I just respond to the call of man in a man made moment or was it a response to the call of God and the exercise of faith that He had given me? I can't begin to tell you how this has troubled me. On October 8, 2008, God did something in my life that I will never forget. He helped me separate this altar event from the moment I responded to His call. I have come to see that the two responses were totally separate. That meant I could have had a 1000 reasons for going to the front of the church that Sunday in August 1946 and it would have had nothing to do with my salvation. I probably did go because of my parents and to put their minds at ease. I did go because I wanted to acknowledge Jesus and I wanted to follow Him in baptism. I wanted to acknowledge Him before men. My problem was that all of this got blended into one moment. I now realize more clearly than I ever have that what really mattered had already happened in my heart. That is what gave meaning to my public acknowledgment of Christ and His gift of salvation. It gave meaning to my response to the altar call rather than the altar call giving meaning or validity to my salvation. To be able to roll the clock back beyond the altar call response and see, for the first time, that God had already done something in my heart, has been one of the most liberating moments of my life. I don't know why it took so long to see this and, as a result, get rid of self imposed baggage that God never intended for me to carry. But then, part my "Amen Journey" was to experience something I mentioned earlier - to arrive at the place where I started and know it for the first time and find that every discovery is a sort of homecoming; and because every homecoming is a discovery, I could experience delight and surprise in every instant of it. (A Dog Named Rex - A Journey of Discovery, August 28, 2008).

I said at the outset that these comments were not meant to be critical of altar calls. As I have said, I am not judging methods or promoting methods. I am just talking about what happened to me. Based on my own experience, I believe great care should be exercised in using altar calls and in helping people understand what is involved. Great care should be exercised to protect a person's response of faith. Coming forward in response to an altar call can be so associated with the act of faith that confusion can result. A person can be led to think that a public act is part of the salvation process. Public decisions are not reliable as means of verifying conversion. The fruit of the Holy Spirit is. The real cause of conversion - the work of the Holy Spirit - can be overshadowed. That work will happen whether there is an altar call or not. Overemphasis of the public response can eclipse that truth. Failing to emphasize the distinctiveness of the two events can lead to confusion. Having said that, I do believe there is a place for altar calls. It is appropriate to invite people to a place and time to pray, a place to deal with spiritual battles, burdens, questions, a place to deal with broken hearts, a place to talk with a pastor and seek help about the state of one's soul and a place to call upon the Lord. Even the playing of music or singing has its place. It is still a time of worship. I am thankful for having had the opportunity to respond to an altar call. I regret that this initial experience produced such confusion in my life. I am thankful that God has now removed that confusion. I am thankful that our church as well as others provide such a quiet place to kneel and speak to God. I am thankful for altar ministers who are there for those who come seeking help and direction. I am thankful that there is a commitment to avoid the possibility of confusion when it comes to the most important moment of all - the moment of salvation. But most of all, I am thankful that we have an altar call from God that goes beyond a call to a physical altar. It is a call to a greater altar.

Hebrews 13:10 says, "We have an altar from which those who serve the tent have no right to eat." The context for this statement is important. The writer had just said, "It is good for our hearts to be strengthened (nourished) by grace - to be immersed in a sea of grace." Elsewhere the Bible says that this will not happen to the soul that is unbowed before God. Humility attracts the tremendous weight of grace. The source of that life giving, strengthening grace comes from the altar - the cross from which we are nourished and sustained by nothing less than the life of Christ. One writer says that "Christ must become our constant meal - our food, our drink, our life. " God's altar call continues in terms of our response to the truth, "We have an altar..."

Hebrews 13:13-16: "Therefore let us go to him outside the camp and bear the reproach he endured. For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come. Through him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name. Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God."

The response of those who have received God's gift of grace: First, we must make much of Christ in our life. We must seek and see His glory. Second, we must give ourselves in the service of Christ and others. I have struggled for many years because I was unable to disentangle God's effectual call from the altar call of man. Now because of God's work in my life in giving me a clearer vision at this point, I choose this as my response:

Psalm 43:4 "Then I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy, and I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God."

I Didn't Know That

2008-09-23T13:45:00.002-05:00

"But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen. " 2 Peter 3:18

The year - 1943. The occasion - first grade and the first day of school. The unhappy look - my picture was being taken. I was not dressed up for a picture; but parents see things like that differently. We were living in the small Gulf coast community of Velasco Heights. It consisted of two roads, some houses and one or two small stores. Our community was bounded on one side by acres of salt grass and rattlesnakes (the forbidden zone) and on the other side by Dow Chemical. The house we lived in had two rooms - a small kitchen and a large bedroom/living room. Two of my uncles built the house for us. My dad built my bed. It was a square box that fit under the large bed and was designed to slide out when I needed it for a bed. One day we got a couch that was supposed to open into a bed; but it never did as I recall. I am not sure I slept on the couch. I guess I thought it would fold up on me.

My memories of the first day of school consist of this scene and the walk home. The bus let us out on the highway and then we had to walk. Fights would break out. That would be a common occurrence. We had a lot of dirt clod fights. I still have a scar on my head from a flying clod. Miraculously we all survived. When I look at this picture, I am reminded that this was the beginning of getting to learn alot of new things. I had my "Big Chief" notebook and I was ready. The title for this posting reminded me of this picture and that day. In the years that followed, I could say, "I didn't know that" about a lot of things. At this point in my life, I am thankful that I can say "I didn't know that" because it means I am still learning and that I want to learn. I have believed for a long time that the moment I ever thought I knew everything or enough, that would be the moment I stopped learning.

It is interesting, when you allow God to examine your life, what He will use to remind you of issues in your life. For me it was this little phrase - "I didn't know that." In the last few years of my Dad's life when he would discover something new, he would often say, "I didn't know that" . Now anytime Betty or I learn or hear of something new, we find ourselves saying, "I didn't know that." That causes us to smile because it brings back fond memories. Recently those words have brought into focus some things that I wish had not been descriptive of my walk with God. In returning to the place where I started that walk, I have had to look closely at the direction my life and what defined my life over the years. I struggled in my walk with God. In the early years it stemmed directly from what I didn't know. I later gained knowledge through studying God's Word; but, as I have mentioned before, much of that never got beyond my mind to my heart. There were moments when it did or I wouldn't be writing this journal or longing for a deeper walk with God and a greater passion for Jesus.

In 2 Corinthians 4:6, Paul said, "For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ." I know this happened to me. I wish I had discovered this verse and others like it sooner in my life. Sadly, though, it would be years before that happened. It wasn't just this truth either. "I didn't know that" covered a large part of my life when it came to my relationship and fellowship with God. Over the years, I did gain knowledge from the study of God's Word; but at the level of my heart, "I didn't know that" remained true about a lot of things.

What I didn't know has caused much of my walk with God to be more man-centered than God-centered. My life consisted a great deal in what I did for God or what I should be doing for God. I could sum up the early years of my Christian life with a check list found on church offering envelopes - "attending church; studying the lesson; bringing my Bible to church; giving and staying for the preaching service." As I grew older the list included work in the church. I also felt that I needed to develop certain rules consisting of things I could do and things I shouldn't do. None of these things were necessarily bad. The problem - they were not meant to define the eternal life promised in verses like John 3:16. God had allowed the light to shine out of darkness in my life for basically one thing - to magnify His glory and His presence in the face of Jesus Christ. That should have been the direction of my life and the defining, motivating principle of my life.

So here I am, at age 71, trying to properly define my life in Christ and my purpose for living. What I am seeing is that over the years I did get some things right but I got a lot wrong. In this process, familiar verses have taken on new meaning. In Luke 11:2 Jesus expressed the answer in terms of our prayer life - "Father, hallowed be your name." Everything in our life should have God as its focus and direction - even our prayers. 1 Peter 3:18 says, "For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit..." As believers all that we are and do should point to God and should bring us to God in our daily experiences. 2 Corinthians 4:4 says "In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God." At one time we could not see the "light of the good news of the glory of Christ." Now, as believers, we can and not just at the moment of salvation. That truth should always be working to define who we are and what we say and do. This is the key to real living. It is the key to being transformed, as expressed in 2 Corinthians 3:18, "and we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit." Because I didn't know that and did not realize the tremendous role of the Holy Spirit, not only for salvation but for living, guilt became a constant enemy. Growing in joy and peace was a struggle. I experienced guilt because I repeatedly failed, in my mind, to measure up to what I thought God expected of me. To overcome guilt, I would determine to try harder. From time to time I would rededicate my life. That would help for awhile; but it brought only temporary relief. I eventually stopped doing that. Because of what I didn't know, I struggled often with my acceptance by God. The truth of election and calling would become nightmares rather than points of comfort. This struggle goes back to having to say "I didn't know that" about the great truths of justification, sanctification and mortification. My answer to this insufficiency of knowledge was to strive harder to feel good about myself and my relationship with God. That brought more frustration. Living in that state of not knowing caused a lot of scars and scar tissue to build over time. It has been a constant battle to keep the face of Jesus from growing dim. Keeping the flame burning brightly has been a wearisome task at times. It has been a battle to keep from feeling like I was on the outside looking in to the feast that others were enjoying. I could still sing about Jesus. I could still speak words of praise to Him. I could still pray, study and teach. I could do all those things and countless other; but there was often something missing. Job 22:25 describes the missing aspect of real living this way, "then the Almighty will be your gold and your precious silver." I wanted that but because of what I didn't know, it was like chasing a dream or looking for the illusive pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Sometimes I just got tired.

When God caused the light to shine in my heart that day as a nine year old boy, I was like a blind person who had been given sight. In the years that followed I wish this could have been said of my life, "and immediately he recovered his sight and followed him, glorifying God. And all the people, when they saw it, gave praise to God"(Luke 18:43). Now after all these years I am thankful that, because of God's grace, this can still be a reality for my life.

I didn't know for a long time that I had been called to an impossible task. When I finally reached that conclusion, I still did not fully realize that God already knew of this impossibility. In fact He said so in Mark 10:27. “With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God.” And because I didn't know that God knew this and had made provisions for that impossibility, I struggled through much of my life as a Christian. I knew that I needed Jesus to be my salvation. What I didn't realize, as fully as I should have, was that I needed Him to be my life, my purpose, my joy and my peace. What I didn't realize either was the means by which this could happen. I kept going down roads that brought a lot of struggle. In my own strength I could not stay on the true road - the one that Jesus travels. So at this point of my life and by God's help, I am making the words of Psalm 16:2, 5 my affirmation. "I say to the Lord, You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you...The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot."

I saw this truth in the life of my Mother and Daddy. They loved the Lord. He was the treasure of their life. So was His Word. Many things proved that, like the worn pages of their Bibles. I am not sure where I would be here today had it not been for them demonstrating that devotion to Jesus. What a legacy. I want to finish the course as they did. I want to leave the kind of legacy they did. I pray that every day will be a "I didn't know that" day of discovery as God opens up His Word to me. There will always be more to learn so that our hearts might continue to respond, our lives might continue to be transformed more and more into the image of Christ and that we might be led continually closer to God. I have my "Big Chief" notebook and I am ready.

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

Disillusioning Illusion

2008-09-22T11:43:00.001-05:00

"...we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are seen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18.

Seeing, in the sense that it is used in 2 Corinthians 4:18, is important. It is important where and how we look. This raises questions. What is true and not an illusion? What is reality? What is lasting? How do we decide? I took this picture a year ago and each time I look at it, I have to think about it. Am I looking at water? Am I looking down? Which way is up? And the big one is what kept me from falling into what ever this is? If I look at it long enough I start to get disoriented. It looks like several pictures mixed into one. Life can be like this. Things that are seen or experienced through our senses can be illusive. People speak of being "disillusioned." If that describes the undoing of illusions or discovering that something we thought, incorrectly, was true then that could be good. It might be painful. Even then it is better to deal in truth.

When I look at this picture, I have to remind myself that I am looking down into a very deep part of the Frio River. I took this picture one afternoon during a break from a conference that my wife and I were attending. We got to spend several days at Laity Lodge and were privileged to hear J. I. Packer. He autographed a book that I have about worn out - Knowing God. That book has had a powerful impact on my life. It is worth reading. It is saturated with Scripture. But, back to the picture. If I had not been the one who took the picture, I don't think I would really know what it depicted. Much of life is like this picture. It is illusive and so are many of the solutions we resort to for understanding. Finding the right authority for answers can be even more confusing. Many people turn to their minds, emotions and conscience as the source for guidance and understanding. The problem - all three are flawed and defective and we end up filling them with equally flawed and defective information.

There is only one real authority and source for true understanding - God's Word. The psalmist speaks of God's divine disclosure in terms of the "wonderful things in the Word of God." Of course, the most wonderful thing of all is His self-disclosure. When we open the pages of God's word, it is meant to be much more than an academic exercise. We are really getting to meet and understand the living God. We find Jesus. We can study and study; but if we miss Jesus, we will not have life and we will not understand life. Life will remain an illusion. Study is important. In God's Word we discover many things concerning His wisdom and knowledge; but keep this in mind - truth is Jesus. Our pastor, Matt Chandler, spoke about this in his message entitled "Family Traits: Truth" on June 12, 2005. He spoke about the importance of studying God's Word. He stressed how important it is to study to find Jesus.

There are many helps to aid us in serious study. I came across this information from TheResurgence. Just "click" the following link: Six Study Essentials | TheResurgence. You will be directed to a page that gives both printed and on-line resources as well as some steps for Bible study. I would add also the site-address for our church, The Village Church. Just "click" on the highlighted name. The homepage contains a link to the sermon/music library.

As I look back over the years of my journey with God, I have found extremes when it comes to the study of His Word. It ranges from intense study to very little study. There were times when I gained knowledge through my intellect but not through my heart - in other words I had not asked God to open my heart to hear His Word. There were times, especially in the early years when my study was very shallow or nonexistent. It was either a "baby food" diet or starvation. A large part of the time, it was mainly about studying and gaining knowledge. To a large extent I was missing out on being brought face to face with Jesus. The flames of devotion to Him were not being kindled. I was missing the "wonderful things in the Word of God." I was missing the force that would drive me beyond self and lead me to live for God's glory. God is gracious. He is giving me another opportunity to get it right.

It is painfully obvious to me that I cannot make it without a daily intake of God's Word to feed my mind and heart. I know that is true for all of us. I have tried to coast; but that is dangerous for at least two reasons. First, because of the world in which we live. The world has achieved new heights in presenting lies dressed up in truth or even worse making "truth" whatever one says it is. Second, it is dangerous because we will be deprived of the life giving flow of Jesus Christ - the True Vine. We will not be abiding in the Way, the Truth and the Life, Jesus Christ.

The only thing we have to counter these dangers and assure our "abiding" attachment to the flow of life is to study God's Word - to dwell upon it and meditate upon it; to obey it and have it abide in us. We need biblical content and we need the Holy Spirit to give us illumination - to enlighten the eyes of our hearts. We need apprehension and appropriation. We need Spirit-filled and gifted teachers.

We need motivation - that is, we must have a desire to study, learn and appropriate God's Word. We need to see that it is relevant - that it relates to us and the world in which we live. There must be a sense of readiness to study and to turn to God's Word. This aspect will vary with each person. There have been times in my life when God created such conditions or circumstances that I could not get to the Word fast enough. God will do that. He will arrange our circumstances to cause this to happen. We all have different rates of growth - both physically and spiritually. That will be a factor in readiness. Readiness can be affected by other things - like not being yielded to the Holy Spirit or spending time in prayer as we study.

We can learn from the psalmists when it comes to the importance of prayer as it relates to the study of Word of God. In Psalm 119:36 - 37 the psalmist prayed, "Incline my heart to your testimonies and not to selfish gain! Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways." In Psalm 119:18, the psalmist prayed, "Open my eyes, that I may behold the wonderful things from Your law." We must pray for the type of commitment and seriousness in our study as expressed in Psalm 119:147, "I rise before dawn and cry for help; I wait for Your words."

We desperately need insight and understanding - the full knowledge of God. We are walking in a minefield. We need constant transformation to live in this harsh environment. We need God's Word. It is the answer to our cry for help. Here is the promise of Proverbs 2:3-5, (just one of many) "yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God."

So let us be about disillusioning illusion. Look to Christ - the Wisdom and Power of God and the Word of the cross.

"For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written, “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and the discernment of the discerning I will thwart.” Where is the one who is wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since, in the wisdom of God, the world did not know God through wisdom, it pleased God through the folly of what we preach to save those who believe. For Jews demand signs and Greeks seek wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men. For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 1:18-31.

Remembering, Realizing and Returning

2008-09-05T16:32:00.020-05:00

Have you ever sensed that God was doing something in your life; but you were not quite sure what? That has been my experience this past year and especially in these last few weeks as I began this journal entitled "Amen Journey." I have been drawn back to the day I began this journey in order to look at the direction my life took from that moment forward. I have never really done that. I have usually just held on to the moment that I accepted God's gift of grace and this has been especially true during times of doubt. That could be important; but sometimes we need to move forward because there we may find a different story. We may need to do that so God can correct the course of our life and times of drifting. I remember in a study of Jeremiah years ago seeing how God worked to deal with the nation of Israel. He began by calling them to remember what their life with Him had been like; to realize where they were and what had happened to them; and to return to the place where they got off track or lost their way. We may have to do that if there is to be true repentance and correction. God had a fourth word for Israel. It was a warning that an end for this opportunity would come. God stated this truth in the form of a question. He says in Jeremiah 5:31 "but what will you do when the end comes?" I don't want to find that out. So I am "remembering," "realizing," and "returning." At this point, I don't really know where all this will lead. I do believe it will result in a closer walk with God and that it will result in making Jesus the focus of my life. For that reason, I will hold on to God's promise in Jeremiah 29:10-14.

These steps have caused me to think a lot about the gift of salvation that God gave me and how it has worked out in my life over the years. I am looking forward to God continuing to open the eyes of my heart and to fill it with the wonder of Jesus. He did this for Paul and left Paul with a burning desire to know Christ. In Philippians 3:8, Paul said, "Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord." Jesus invites us to do this. This raises some questions that have to be answered. (1) Do I want to know Christ for who He is? (2) Do I want Him to be the focus of my life? (3) Am I willing to live in a way that proves that this is what I want? Our pastor, Matt Chandler, expressed these thoughts this way concerning the invitation of Jesus. He said it was pretty simple the way Jesus put it. "Come live as I live...come, walk as I walk...come, follow me." Matt then said that we need to "figure out what that looks like...to get behind Him...to stop being a lot of admirers and be followers..." (October 16, 2005 - Rhythm: Part 4). The answer to understanding what that looks like is found in God's Word. If I want more of Jesus then I will have to go to God's Word, study and pray that the Holy Spirit will open the eyes of my heart. I will also need to answer these three questions "yes." So with God's help, I say "yes." Now I must trust God to direct my steps. Jeremiah gives the reason. "I know, O Lord, that the way of man is not in himself, that it is not in man who walks to direct his steps" (Jeremiah 10:23). I have been down that road. You will find a lot of things along the way; but you will not find Jesus. He will not be your life, your joy and your peace. He will not be your reason for living and you will never experience or show the surpassing worth of knowing Him.

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

Good And Faithful Servants - Gospel Messengers

2008-09-04T13:10:00.021-05:00

1 Peter 1:3-12

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time...

Concerning this salvation, the prophets who prophesied about the grace that was to be yours searched and inquired carefully, inquiring what person or time the Spirit of Christ in them was indicating when he predicted the sufferings of Christ and the subsequent glories. It was revealed to them that they were serving not themselves but you, in the things that have now been announced to you through those who preached the good news to you by the Holy Spirit sent from heaven, things into which angels long to look."

I am thankful for godly messengers of the Good News. They do not serve themselves. They serve God and the ones to whom they speak. Godly messengers are those who preach the Good News by the Holy Spirit. If Christ is your Lord and Savior it is, in part, because of godly messengers of the Gospel who have been faithful in presenting the Word. Acts 26:17-18 records the Lord's words to Paul; but I believe they apply to all godly messengers:

"...I am sending you to open their eyes, so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me."

I am thankful that God calls and sends His messengers. It made an eternal difference to me that Sunday morning in August 1946 at First Baptist Church of Velasco Texas, when God used one of His messengers, J. R. Graves Darby, "to open my eyes so that I might turn from darkness to light, from the power of Satan to God to receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in Jesus Christ." My memory of that day and the part Bro. Darby had is limited to just a few moments. I wish I could remember more about that day. I wish I knew more about the man, Graves Darby. I have recently learned some things. I contacted the Conference of Texas Baptist Evangelist and received a reply from Bill Sky-Eagle, another faithful messenger of God. I first met him in the summer of 1970. He was part of a youth evangelism team at the time. I appreciate him taking time to do some research on Graves Darby and giving me permission to share that information. He describe his research with these words. "I was happy to do the research and have enjoyed learning about this man of God who was one of our faithful predecessors in vocational evangelism." I also have enjoyed learning about Graves Darby.

"J. R. Graves Darby, a blind Texas Baptist minster and evangelist, was born in Florence, Williamson County, Texas on November 29, 1890. He was the seventh of eight children born to John Oscar Darby and Emma Lee Gilliland. His younger brother, Ozelle Bennett Darby, was also blind. In 1910 the two brothers were students at the Texas State School for the Blind in Austin, Texas.

Graves Darby was a ministerial student at Baylor University in 1912. He was employed at Baylor at the time he registered for the draft. While living in Calvert, Robertson County, Texas, he was described as being tall, of medium build, with brown eyes and brown (balding) hair.

He and his wife, Alice L. Darby were married about 1917. In 1920 he and his wife lived in Madisonville, Texas where he was a Baptist minister. His wife was employed as a high school teacher. By 1930, they had moved to Cross Plains, Callahan County, Texas, where he was pastor of a Baptist church. Sometime before 1938, he and his wife moved to Waco, Texas, where they resided for the remainder of their lives.

An effective evangelist, Graves Darby conducted numerous revivals throughout Texas. As early as 1917-1918, he preached a revival at Henry Prairie Missionary Baptist Church in Robertson County, Texas. Between 1943-1946, he conducted other revivals that resulted in a number of baptisms. One of those revivals was at First Baptist Church of Conroe, Texas. The Amarillo Daily News for Saturday, October 26, 1940, carried this article, 'Blind Evangelist Begins Gospel Series at Local Church Sunday. A series of revival services, to run two weeks, through November 10, will begin Sunday morning at the San Jacinto Baptist Church, at Fifth and Caroline. Rev. Graves Darby, noted blind evangelist will do the preaching and Hooper Dilday will lead the music. This will be Rev. Darby's first meeting with that church. Mr. Dilday, who is educational director for First Baptist Church, Port Arthur, Texas, was reared in Amarillo.'

Bro. Darby's evangelistic ministry was especially effective in Galveston, Texas. The Galveston Daily News for Monday, October 10, 1938, mentioned, 'Rev. Graves Darby of Waco [will speak] at Broadway Baptist Church...' The Daily News for Saturday, December 12, 1942, says, 'Revival services at the Texas City Heights Baptist Church will continue tomorrow and through next week, conducted by Rev. Graves Darby of Waco, Texas.' The Daily News for Saturday, October 19, 1946, reported that he was again preaching in the city. The El Paso Herald-Post for Saturday, September 23, 1950, reported 'Rev. Graves Darby, evangelist of Waco and Harry Brooks of El Paso are leading the Immanuel Baptist Church [in revival].'

After many years of faithfully preaching the Good News of Jesus Christ, J. R. Graves Darby went to be with the Lord on February 4, 1962 in Waco, McLennan, Texas. Alice Darby followed him in death on December 30, 1977."

This is just a small record of Bro. Darby' ministry and life. During his years of ministry, it does not appear that he held back in his commitment to God. Graves Darby faithfully shared the Good News. Through Bro. Darby's preaching God open the eyes of many. Thank you Bro. Darby and all the countless faithful, godly messengers of the Good News. May we all be as faithful.

A Blind Evangelist And A Boy Who Needed To See

2008-09-02T10:53:00.026-05:00

In 1 Corinthians 13:12 Paul wrote:

"12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known."

This verse has special meaning to me today as I think about a Sunday morning in August 1946. The memories of that day are like photographs - small glimpses of one of the greatest moments in my life. The First Baptist Church of Velasco, Texas was having "revival" services. It was the last service as I recall. I sat on the 10th row, left side. J. R. Graves Darby was the evangelist. He was blind; but that didn't seem to bother him. I can't recall his sermon that morning; but I do remember what happened at the end. It was during what we, as Baptist, call the "invitation" time - a time to make big decisions about your life like "accepting Jesus and being saved." They don't get any bigger than that. I think that the "invitation" period had gone on for awhile or that is how it seemed to me. No one had walked down the aisle. Bro. Darby stopped the singing. He took a coin out of his pocket and held it up. He said, "I will give this to anyone who will come down here and receive it. Do you believe that?" I was sitting next to the aisle and I had a quick route to him. I was thinking about taking him up on the offer; but then what would people think if I did that and what would I do next? Besides, embarrassing myself like that for a quarter, wasn't that appealing. I am not proud of the attitude I had that day. Sadly it did reflect the condition of my heart and how resistant I had become to God's call. These thoughts, though, were not what stopped me. Bro. Darby put the issue squarely in my face. It was like he looked right at me when he said, "This is like God's offer of salvation. He wants to give you Jesus as His gift. You just need to reach out in faith and receive Him." The weight of what I was feeling grew heavier in that moment. I still was resisting. I was thinking, "What am I going to do? He is not ending this." Suddenly a young girl ran to the front and took the coin from his hand. I thought, "I am going to make it past this moment after all." He talked to her and had her sit down on the front row. He told us that the girl had just accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior. I have to tell you something about her. She had a sad life. She had few friends. Kids constantly made fun of her - many of them to her face. They mistreated her. I felt sorry for her; but I never stop others from mistreating her. I guess I was afraid of what other kids might think of me or say. That weakness has always been lurking at the door steps of my life. I try, with God's help, to keep it contained; but it will surface from time to time. On one occasion I did take some action; but only through someone else. I had walked down to a friend's house. I saw this frail and frightened girl trapped on the roof of a shed. Some kids were throwing rocks at her. She was crying hysterically and pleading for them to stop. I have never seen such fear in a person's face. I ran to a neighbor's house to get help. The kids fled and the neighbors helped her down. That was just one of many abuses that she had to face. I am sorry that I was not a friend to her and for that, I have asked God to forgive me. It is in her memory that I write these words of thanks for the part she played in my life that day. I never told her "thank you." Bro. Darby didn't know anything about her. Though he was blind, I am sure he saw a young girl in need of the one true Friend, Jesus Christ. I know he saw her need for a Savior - something I was refusing to see in my own life. That Sunday morning as I watched her run to the front it was like God stabbed me in the heart. I had been thinking that this girl needed help and I didn't. She was hurting; but I wasn't. There I stood in nicely pressed clothes. I had loving parents. I had a good life or so I thought. Suddenly God let a nine year old boy feel the weight of sin and shame. In an instant God let me see Jesus in the words of John 3:16. I saw Him as my salvation. In one moment I couldn't see the condition of my life and the need for Jesus but in the next moment I could. I headed down the aisle and spoke the most important words I would ever speak, "I am trusting Christ to save me." That afternoon I was baptized along with about 10 of my friends. While I didn't know this at the time, it turned out that I would have many years to understand what this gift of grace meant to me; to learn what it meant to open up my heart to the richness of Christ.

For the young girl it was a different story. One day, years later, she took her life. To this day, I can't understand why a tragedy like that happened or why she had to endure so much. There are countless others like her. They suffer terribly. I will not question the love of God in any of this. Who am I to do that? I choose to believe truth such as that expressed by David in Psalm 34:18.

"18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."

and in Psalm 103:11

11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;

I don't know why God gave me all these years to learn what it means to be His child. I am glad He did. His grace is amazing - like using this young girl that day in August 1946 to reach out to me and give me Jesus. That was the day I got to see; but there were things I didn't get to see.

That has been true through out my life and journey with God. I began my journey with God by getting to see my need for Jesus and what it meant to believe. I thought that this new way of seeing would be the norm for my life because I was now a Christian. I didn't realize that for the Christian there would now be two ways of seeing - seeing with the eyes of the head and the eyes of the heart. I had not heard words like "seeing they do not see" (Matthew 13:13). I had never heard of the prayer of Paul asking that God open the eyes of our hearts to understand. I didn't understand the need to pray continually that God would give me a heart to know (Deuteronomy 29:2-4). I thought my ability to unlock God's Word would come through my own mental faculties and that it would naturally happen because I was a Christian. I would go for years without understanding otherwise. That did change; but not without struggle.

I see a lot of things differently now. I see that God's Word must go beyond the mind to the heart; that it must be received not just with our external senses but also with out spiritual senses (Ephesians 1:18); that God must teach us and make us understand His Word. I see now how desperately we need Him to cause our hearts to be inclined to His Word. I know now that without His continual supernatural work we cannot see the revelation of the glory of God in the face of Christ - the very purpose for which understanding of the Word is given.

Even after seeing these truths, I have not always listen to or studied the Word in dependence upon His supernatural help. It has only been in recent months that God has impressed this truth on me in a much deeper way. I have been blessed over the years to gain knowledge in the study of God's Word but too much of that knowledge never consistently penetrated my heart. I have struggled with this. At times I wanted to ask an unsaved person to read a passage so I could find out if they saw the same thing I did. I was never sure how to go about doing that; plus I knew the empty feeling that it would bring to me if our understanding were the same. I never had to do that because God took care of the matter. He brought me to the desert.

I want to share what that last desert experience was like and how God, on May 13, 2008, began to call me out - to let me see again the wonder and awe of my salvation - Jesus Christ and to see how deeply I am known and accepted by Him. I close this post by recommending that you read a quote from a blog site called "Of First Importance." (You can read the quote by "clicking" on the highlighted title just as you can read the Scripture verses by "clicking" on the highlighted verses; but then you probably knew that before I did.)

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

A Dog Named Rex & A Journey of Discovery

2008-08-28T17:37:00.024-05:00

I recently came across a photo that I took in May 1950. I was sitting on the back steps of our home in Velasco, Texas. I was twelve years old. From those steps you could see our church house and the town's water tower. Guess what got my attention that day? It was Rex. I don't know if he was upset with me or just in deep thought (indulge me on this one). As a young boy, I would often sit on those steps. During the war years the steps served as my fighter plane in imaginary battles over Europe and the islands of the Pacific. As I grew older, I would sit on the steps and think about things that were happening in my life. The last time I sat on those steps was when I was 26 - November 22, 1963 to be exact - the day President Kennedy was shot. I had just finished a three year tour in the Air Force. I was thinking about the direction of my life - how it was all going to play out. This photograph brought back those memories. Now it is 45 years later. I find myself sitting on those steps again. Of course, not literally; but in my mind.

This past year has been a significant one. It was my first year of retirement. We moved to a totally new location, became members of a new church and I was 70. In the midst of all of that I was looking for God or that is how it seemed. I thought I was having to redefine my life. Actually it was God who was doing it. Several months ago, something began to happen in my life and in my walk with God. I can't fully explain it; but it was like I was on a journey of discovery - finding out things about my life and about what should matter most. This is what it began to look like. For a large part of my 70 years I have been absorbed with my own life - very reflective in my thinking - like what I feel about myself; and what God feels or thinks about me. Sixty two years ago God had given me the only thing I would ever need; the only thing that should have consumed my life, thoughts, emotions, and will. It was Jesus Christ; but over time it was like my understanding of Him was becoming a dream and not a reality - like I was the one holding on and struggling to make it real. I am afraid that this experience may be true for many. For some it is easier to stop struggling - just surrender - without pressing on and finding answers. I want to say more about this battle later.

For the last year, through searching, praying, pleading, the prayers of my wife, the words of our pastor, Matt Chandler, the words of Josh Patterson, the music of Michael Bleecker, all of The Village Church and the writings of men like John Piper, God has confronted me with this issue - making the Lord, as the psalmist says in Psalm 16:5, my chosen portion and cup. It is as if I have, in some way, returned to that day when, as a 9 year old boy, God's call finally penetrated my heart and I received His gift - His Son, Jesus Christ. I have this strong sense that I am getting to understand some things in ways that I have missed. Here is where it gets even more amazing. Several months ago I read some words by T. S. Eliot and by G. K. Chesterton.

"We shall not cease from exploration and the end of our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time." (T. S. Eliot)

"Every discovery is a sort of homecoming; and because every homecoming is a discovery, there is an element of delight and surprise in every instant of it." (G. K. Chesterton)

I thought, could this be what is happening to me. In this journey of discovery is God bringing me back to the place where I started that Sunday morning at age 9? I know this sounds strange. It is unlike anything I have ever experienced. I know you can't go back - or can you? Just to think that it may be possible, at this point in my life, to go back to the place where I started and know "the place for the first time" is too good to be true. Then I read these words from Jeremiah 29:10-14.

"For thus says the Lord: When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will visit you, and I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord..."

As I looked at the picture of my dog Rex and the calmness of my world on that spring-like day in 1950, it was sort of a homecoming for me; but nothing compared to coming home in a spiritual sense to the place that I thought had long since passed - a place with a future and a hope; a place where opportunities abounded; a place where I could find the Lord because He said I could. I see that happening. I am no longer sitting on the back steps. I am standing on the threshold. What will I do now? There is only one thing to do - call upon Him; seek Him with all my heart. Please pray that I will do that.

The picture from the back steps and a dog named Rex may not resonate with you as it did for me. God used those memories as a young boy and the powerful words of Jeremiah 29 as part of my journey of discovery. Each life is different. I pray that our life together becomes one of discovery of the vastness of the treasures of the divine life that is ours. I pray that God will use something in your life to cause you to return to the place you started and know it for the first time. I will pray that every discovery we make will become an experience of delight, surprise and wonder because of the One we will be discovering.

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

A Little History and the Start of My Amen Journey

2008-08-26T18:50:00.010-05:00

If I had to chose a start for my "amen journey" I could say Huntsville, Texas. That was the town of my birth and the place Sam Houston called home. I could also say Velasco, Texas. That is where my parents and I moved to in 1941 and that is where I lived with my parents and my sister until I left for college in 1955. Velasco was founded in 1831. In 1836, following the battle of San Jacinto, it was made the first capital of the Republic of Texas. On July 27, 1957 it was incorporated with Freeport, the town on the other side of the old Brazos River as it was called. In my early years, I had the privilege of living in those historical towns. I guess when you stop and think just about any were you live in Texas is historic. I would choose, however, Velasco as the start of that journey. It had special historical significance for me. The reason is found in this picture. This was the meeting place of the First Baptist Church of Velasco. It was the second building on this site to serve as our place to meet and worship together. The first building burned to the ground. I still have memories of that. It was in this building on a Sunday morning in the summer of 1946 that I accepted God's gift of grace - Jesus Christ. Some describe that moment when you make your faith in Christ public as "walking the aisle" or "going to the front." Those phrases bothered me then and still do. I really didn't think in those terms. There was one thought on my mind in that moment. It is found in John 3:16 - "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him shall be saved." There had been another thought that had gripped my life. It was one of resistance. For a number of months I had been under deep conviction about the state of my life. I knew that God was calling me. But I was also being subjected to something I didn't understand at the time. Satan was violently opposing that call. I hate to even write this but it is true. In the days before God's irresistible call prevailed, I began to use God's name in ways that still cause me to shudder. Nine years old and I was using God's name in cursing. I began to think, how can I ever be saved after talking like that. That was Satan's plan. I have to admit he evidently had a place to attack - my self will. That has been a problem for me through out my life; but that is a story that will have to wait for another time. Finally on that Sunday morning, God's grace prevailed. One of many things that is so amazing to me about His grace is that I didn't have to have all the answers or understand His sovereign work in the life of a lost sinner. I didn't have to understand the great, comforting truths of election and justification. I could just believe in Him - just as He said in that memorable verse, John 3:16. But that is not the only thing that is amazing. It is amazing, too, that this is all some want to know - that they are apparently content to live much of their without having God open the vast treasure of the gospel of Jesus Christ and fill their life with the wonder of Jesus; to live without, as our pastor Matt Chandler has said, "reflecting the grace and mercy He has shown to us" or not willing to stop "trading water for gold in the desert." I can't say that this has not described large portions of my life because it has. I don't know the span of life that God has given me; but I do know that deep within my heart I want to take the time God has given me and allow Him to open the eyes of my heart to understand the vastness of His love and grace. I want to stop trading living water for gold in the desert I want Him to fill my life with a love for Christ beyond anything I can imagine. I want to live beyond myself as His instrument of love and grace to others. That is the kind of "amen journey" that I want - one that never says "amen" in the sense of closing; but "amen" in the sense of "yes" to God. That is what I know I am powerless to have unless He does that in and through me. That is where the struggle will occur. If you are reading this, then you have just received my prayer request. I will pray this for you. You can pray this for me. This will let us walk together on the "amen journey."

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

Our Amen Journey in Song - Our Affirmation, Commitment & Desire

2008-08-25T10:26:00.004-05:00

Since I am new to the world of blog, I didn't know how to post the song "I Then Shall Live" with comments. Now I want to share some thoughts about what this song means to Betty and me. The music is "Finlandia" by Jean Sibeluis. In 1980, I believe, Gloria Gaither wrote the lyrics. There is a hymn based on the same music - "Be Still My Soul." The video recording is by the Gaither Vocal Band and Ernie Haase & Signature Sound. I wanted you to be able to look at the lyrics and reflect.

"I then shall live as one who's been forgiven
I'll walk with joy to know my debts are paid
I know my name is clear before my Father
I am His child and I am not afraid
So greatly pardoned, I'll forgive my brother
The law of love, I gladly will obey

I then shall live as one who's learned compassion
I've been so loved, I'll risk loving, too
I know how fear builds walls instead of bridges
I'll dare to see another's point of view
And when relationships demand commitment
Then I'll be there to care and follow through

Your Kingdom come around and through and in me
Your Power and Glory, let them shine through me
Your Hallowed Name, oh may I bear with honor
And may Your living Kingdom come in me
The Bread of Life, oh may I share with honor
And may You feed a hungry world through me
Your Kingdom come around and through and in me..."

I called this our "Amen Journey in Song." It expresses our affirmation, commitment and desire - not necessarily the way it has always been. What a tall order - totally unachievable without the Father's help and without the prayers of our friends. I didn't post this as a spiritual merit badge. It is here, in part, for purposes of accountability. I have been reading a book by Dr. David Jeremiah entitled "God in You." It is about releasing the power of the Holy Spirit in your life. That is what we need to be true to this commitment. We are on a journey. That means we haven't arrived. It also means we do not want to put our life on cruise control and sit back to enjoy the scenery. One regret that I have is that I didn't see 62 years ago that this new life in Christ had to be lived with purpose and intensity. So now at age 71, I see that with more clarity than I ever have. Is that a waste? Some might say "Yes." I can say that if I choose to dwell on what might have been. In his book, "God in You," Dr. Jeremiah spoke about having dreams greater than our memories. With God's help, we choose greater dreams. Dr. Jeremiah concluded with this prayer:

"Holy Spirit of God, take control of my life. Sit in the place of power. Pull the switches. Do Your work. Lord, I just want to be available. Holy Spirit, I will be your suit of clothes. Walk around in my body. Speak through my lips. Empower me to be what I cannot be in my self. I ask You to cleanse me from my sin, O God, and fill now to overflowing. And I ask it in the name of Jesus."

This is our prayer.

Our Amen Journey in Song

2008-08-25T10:13:00.003-05:00

My Amen Journey

2008-08-24T11:53:00.000-05:00

I have thought about blogging for some time but never could think of a title - so why this one? At first it was just "Amen." I knew how I normally used the word "amen" and that would make it sound more like the end of the effort than the beginning. So I looked up the word "amen" in "Vine's Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words." I am not a Greek or Hebrew anything when it comes to those languages so I will just quote from Vine's.

"Amen is transliterated from Hebrew into both Greek and English. Its meanings have been seen in such passages as Deuteronomy 7:9 - 'the faithful (the Amen) God,' and in Isaiah 65:16, 'the God of truth or the God of Amen.' There are cases where people use it to express their assent to a law and their willingness to submit to the penalty attached to the breach of it, Deuteronomy 27:15. It is also used to express acquiescence in another's prayer, 1 Kings 1:36 where it is defined as '(let) God say so too,' or in another's thanksgiving, 1 Chronicles 16:36. Once in the New Testament 'Amen' is a title of Christ, Revelation 3:14, because through Him the purposes of God are established, 2 Corinthians 1:20. The individual says 'Amen' to express, 'let it be so' in response to the Divine 'thus it shall be,' Revelation 22:20. The Lord Jesus often used 'Amen' translated 'verily' to introduce new revelations of the mind of God."

I have been praying that God would give me a title for this new venture. As I read from Vine's, I began to see that the word "Amen" would be one to help me stay focused on God as "the God of Truth" and Christ as the preeminent One through whom we have access to God and the truth of God, His Word - of God as the One who says "thus it shall be" and of His desire for one who will say, "let it be so in my life." One of the greatest needs in my life is to say to the Lord and His Word, on a daily basis, "let it be so in my life." Then I thought how experiencing and sharing these truths, along with many more from God's Word, make for an incredible journey - like an amen journey. So with this first post I begin a new phase in my journey with God and I invite all who read this to join me in that journey. I close this first post by saying "thank you" to my wife, Betty, for her prayers and for her encouraging me to write. I love you, Betty, and I am glad you are on this journey with me.