Tuesday, September 23, 2008

I Didn't Know That



"But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen. " 2 Peter 3:18

The year - 1943. The occasion - first grade and the first day of school. The unhappy look - my picture was being taken. I was not dressed up for a picture; but parents see things like that differently. We were living in the small Gulf coast community of Velasco Heights. It consisted of two roads, some houses and one or two small stores. Our community was bounded on one side by acres of salt grass and rattlesnakes (the forbidden zone) and on the other side by Dow Chemical. The house we lived in had two rooms - a small kitchen and a large bedroom/living room. Two of my uncles built the house for us. My dad built my bed. It was a square box that fit under the large bed and was designed to slide out when I needed it for a bed. One day we got a couch that was supposed to open into a bed; but it never did as I recall. I am not sure I slept on the couch. I guess I thought it would fold up on me.

My memories of the first day of school consist of this scene and the walk home. The bus let us out on the highway and then we had to walk. Fights would break out. That would be a common occurrence. We had a lot of dirt clod fights. I still have a scar on my head from a flying clod. Miraculously we all survived. When I look at this picture, I am reminded that this was the beginning of getting to learn alot of new things. I had my "Big Chief" notebook and I was ready. The title for this posting reminded me of this picture and that day. In the years that followed, I could say, "I didn't know that" about a lot of things. At this point in my life, I am thankful that I can say "I didn't know that" because it means I am still learning and that I want to learn. I have believed for a long time that the moment I ever thought I knew everything or enough, that would be the moment I stopped learning.

It is interesting, when you allow God to examine your life, what He will use to remind you of issues in your life. For me it was this little phrase - "I didn't know that." In the last few years of my Dad's life when he would discover something new, he would often say, "I didn't know that" . Now anytime Betty or I learn or hear of something new, we find ourselves saying, "I didn't know that." That causes us to smile because it brings back fond memories. Recently those words have brought into focus some things that I wish had not been descriptive of my walk with God. In returning to the place where I started that walk, I have had to look closely at the direction my life and what defined my life over the years. I struggled in my walk with God. In the early years it stemmed directly from what I didn't know. I later gained knowledge through studying God's Word; but, as I have mentioned before, much of that never got beyond my mind to my heart. There were moments when it did or I wouldn't be writing this journal or longing for a deeper walk with God and a greater passion for Jesus.

In 2 Corinthians 4:6, Paul said, "For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ." I know this happened to me. I wish I had discovered this verse and others like it sooner in my life. Sadly, though, it would be years before that happened. It wasn't just this truth either. "I didn't know that" covered a large part of my life when it came to my relationship and fellowship with God. Over the years, I did gain knowledge from the study of God's Word; but at the level of my heart, "I didn't know that" remained true about a lot of things.

What I didn't know has caused much of my walk with God to be more man-centered than God-centered. My life consisted a great deal in what I did for God or what I should be doing for God. I could sum up the early years of my Christian life with a check list found on church offering envelopes - "attending church; studying the lesson; bringing my Bible to church; giving and staying for the preaching service." As I grew older the list included work in the church. I also felt that I needed to develop certain rules consisting of things I could do and things I shouldn't do. None of these things were necessarily bad. The problem - they were not meant to define the eternal life promised in verses like John 3:16. God had allowed the light to shine out of darkness in my life for basically one thing - to magnify His glory and His presence in the face of Jesus Christ. That should have been the direction of my life and the defining, motivating principle of my life.

So here I am, at age 71, trying to properly define my life in Christ and my purpose for living. What I am seeing is that over the years I did get some things right but I got a lot wrong. In this process, familiar verses have taken on new meaning. In Luke 11:2 Jesus expressed the answer in terms of our prayer life - "Father, hallowed be your name." Everything in our life should have God as its focus and direction - even our prayers. 1 Peter 3:18 says, "For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit..." As believers all that we are and do should point to God and should bring us to God in our daily experiences. 2 Corinthians 4:4 says "In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God." At one time we could not see the "light of the good news of the glory of Christ." Now, as believers, we can and not just at the moment of salvation. That truth should always be working to define who we are and what we say and do. This is the key to real living. It is the key to being transformed, as expressed in 2 Corinthians 3:18, "and we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit." Because I didn't know that and did not realize the tremendous role of the Holy Spirit, not only for salvation but for living, guilt became a constant enemy. Growing in joy and peace was a struggle. I experienced guilt because I repeatedly failed, in my mind, to measure up to what I thought God expected of me. To overcome guilt, I would determine to try harder. From time to time I would rededicate my life. That would help for awhile; but it brought only temporary relief. I eventually stopped doing that. Because of what I didn't know, I struggled often with my acceptance by God. The truth of election and calling would become nightmares rather than points of comfort. This struggle goes back to having to say "I didn't know that" about the great truths of justification, sanctification and mortification. My answer to this insufficiency of knowledge was to strive harder to feel good about myself and my relationship with God. That brought more frustration. Living in that state of not knowing caused a lot of scars and scar tissue to build over time. It has been a constant battle to keep the face of Jesus from growing dim. Keeping the flame burning brightly has been a wearisome task at times. It has been a battle to keep from feeling like I was on the outside looking in to the feast that others were enjoying. I could still sing about Jesus. I could still speak words of praise to Him. I could still pray, study and teach. I could do all those things and countless other; but there was often something missing. Job 22:25 describes the missing aspect of real living this way, "then the Almighty will be your gold and your precious silver." I wanted that but because of what I didn't know, it was like chasing a dream or looking for the illusive pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Sometimes I just got tired.

When God caused the light to shine in my heart that day as a nine year old boy, I was like a blind person who had been given sight. In the years that followed I wish this could have been said of my life, "and immediately he recovered his sight and followed him, glorifying God. And all the people, when they saw it, gave praise to God"(Luke 18:43). Now after all these years I am thankful that, because of God's grace, this can still be a reality for my life.

I didn't know for a long time that I had been called to an impossible task. When I finally reached that conclusion, I still did not fully realize that God already knew of this impossibility. In fact He said so in Mark 10:27. With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God.” And because I didn't know that God knew this and had made provisions for that impossibility, I struggled through much of my life as a Christian. I knew that I needed Jesus to be my salvation. What I didn't realize, as fully as I should have, was that I needed Him to be my life, my purpose, my joy and my peace. What I didn't realize either was the means by which this could happen. I kept going down roads that brought a lot of struggle. In my own strength I could not stay on the true road - the one that Jesus travels. So at this point of my life and by God's help, I am making the words of Psalm 16:2, 5 my affirmation. "I say to the Lord, You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you...The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot."

I saw this truth in the life of my Mother and Daddy. They loved the Lord. He was the treasure of their life. So was His Word. Many things proved that, like the worn pages of their Bibles. I am not sure where I would be here today had it not been for them demonstrating that devotion to Jesus. What a legacy. I want to finish the course as they did. I want to leave the kind of legacy they did. I pray that every day will be a "I didn't know that" day of discovery as God opens up His Word to me. There will always be more to learn so that our hearts might continue to respond, our lives might continue to be transformed more and more into the image of Christ and that we might be led continually closer to God. I have my "Big Chief" notebook and I am ready.


“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

Monday, September 22, 2008

Disillusioning Illusion

"...we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are seen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18.
Seeing, in the sense that it is used in 2 Corinthians 4:18, is important. It is important where and how we look. This raises questions. What is true and not an illusion? What is reality? What is lasting? How do we decide? I took this picture a year ago and each time I look at it, I have to think about it. Am I looking at water? Am I looking down? Which way is up? And the big one is what kept me from falling into what ever this is? If I look at it long enough I start to get disoriented. It looks like several pictures mixed into one. Life can be like this. Things that are seen or experienced through our senses can be illusive. People speak of being "disillusioned." If that describes the undoing of illusions or discovering that something we thought, incorrectly, was true then that could be good. It might be painful. Even then it is better to deal in truth.

When I look at this picture, I have to remind myself that I am looking down into a very deep part of the Frio River. I took this picture one afternoon during a break from a conference that my wife and I were attending. We got to spend several days at Laity Lodge and were privileged to hear J. I. Packer. He autographed a book that I have about worn out - Knowing God. That book has had a powerful impact on my life. It is worth reading. It is saturated with Scripture. But, back to the picture. If I had not been the one who took the picture, I don't think I would really know what it depicted. Much of life is like this picture. It is illusive and so are many of the solutions we resort to for understanding. Finding the right authority for answers can be even more confusing. Many people turn to their minds, emotions and conscience as the source for guidance and understanding. The problem - all three are flawed and defective and we end up filling them with equally flawed and defective information.

There is only one real authority and source for true understanding - God's Word. The psalmist speaks of God's divine disclosure in terms of the "wonderful things in the Word of God." Of course, the most wonderful thing of all is His self-disclosure. When we open the pages of God's word, it is meant to be much more than an academic exercise. We are really getting to meet and understand the living God. We find Jesus. We can study and study; but if we miss Jesus, we will not have life and we will not understand life. Life will remain an illusion. Study is important. In God's Word we discover many things concerning His wisdom and knowledge; but keep this in mind - truth is Jesus. Our pastor, Matt Chandler, spoke about this in his message entitled "Family Traits: Truth" on June 12, 2005. He spoke about the importance of studying God's Word. He stressed how important it is to study to find Jesus.

There are many helps to aid us in serious study. I came across this information from TheResurgence. Just "click" the following link: Six Study Essentials | TheResurgence. You will be directed to a page that gives both printed and on-line resources as well as some steps for Bible study. I would add also the site-address for our church, The Village Church. Just "click" on the highlighted name. The homepage contains a link to the sermon/music library.

As I look back over the years of my journey with God, I have found extremes when it comes to the study of His Word. It ranges from intense study to very little study. There were times when I gained knowledge through my intellect but not through my heart - in other words I had not asked God to open my heart to hear His Word. There were times, especially in the early years when my study was very shallow or nonexistent. It was either a "baby food" diet or starvation. A large part of the time, it was mainly about studying and gaining knowledge. To a large extent I was missing out on being brought face to face with Jesus. The flames of devotion to Him were not being kindled. I was missing the "wonderful things in the Word of God." I was missing the force that would drive me beyond self and lead me to live for God's glory. God is gracious. He is giving me another opportunity to get it right.

It is painfully obvious to me that I cannot make it without a daily intake of God's Word to feed my mind and heart. I know that is true for all of us. I have tried to coast; but that is dangerous for at least two reasons. First, because of the world in which we live. The world has achieved new heights in presenting lies dressed up in truth or even worse making "truth" whatever one says it is. Second, it is dangerous because we will be deprived of the life giving flow of Jesus Christ - the True Vine. We will not be abiding in the Way, the Truth and the Life, Jesus Christ.

The only thing we have to counter these dangers and assure our "abiding" attachment to the flow of life is to study God's Word - to dwell upon it and meditate upon it; to obey it and have it abide in us. We need biblical content and we need the Holy Spirit to give us illumination - to enlighten the eyes of our hearts. We need apprehension and appropriation. We need Spirit-filled and gifted teachers.

We need motivation - that is, we must have a desire to study, learn and appropriate God's Word. We need to see that it is relevant - that it relates to us and the world in which we live. There must be a sense of readiness to study and to turn to God's Word. This aspect will vary with each person. There have been times in my life when God created such conditions or circumstances that I could not get to the Word fast enough. God will do that. He will arrange our circumstances to cause this to happen. We all have different rates of growth - both physically and spiritually. That will be a factor in readiness. Readiness can be affected by other things - like not being yielded to the Holy Spirit or spending time in prayer as we study.

We can learn from the psalmists when it comes to the importance of prayer as it relates to the study of Word of God. In Psalm 119:36 - 37 the psalmist prayed, "Incline my heart to your testimonies and not to selfish gain! Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways." In Psalm 119:18, the psalmist prayed, "Open my eyes, that I may behold the wonderful things from Your law." We must pray for the type of commitment and seriousness in our study as expressed in Psalm 119:147, "I rise before dawn and cry for help; I wait for Your words."

We desperately need insight and understanding - the full knowledge of God. We are walking in a minefield. We need constant transformation to live in this harsh environment. We need God's Word. It is the answer to our cry for help. Here is the promise of Proverbs 2:3-5, (just one of many) "yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God."

So let us be about disillusioning illusion. Look to Christ - the Wisdom and Power of God and the Word of the cross.

"For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written, “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and the discernment of the discerning I will thwart.” Where is the one who is wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since, in the wisdom of God, the world did not know God through wisdom, it pleased God through the folly of what we preach to save those who believe. For Jews demand signs and Greeks seek wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men. For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 1:18-31.


“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”




Friday, September 5, 2008

Remembering, Realizing and Returning

Have you ever sensed that God was doing something in your life; but you were not quite sure what? That has been my experience this past year and especially in these last few weeks as I began this journal entitled "Amen Journey." I have been drawn back to the day I began this journey in order to look at the direction my life took from that moment forward. I have never really done that. I have usually just held on to the moment that I accepted God's gift of grace and this has been especially true during times of doubt. That could be important; but sometimes we need to move forward because there we may find a different story. We may need to do that so God can correct the course of our life and times of drifting. I remember in a study of Jeremiah years ago seeing how God worked to deal with the nation of Israel. He began by calling them to remember what their life with Him had been like; to realize where they were and what had happened to them; and to return to the place where they got off track or lost their way. We may have to do that if there is to be true repentance and correction. God had a fourth word for Israel. It was a warning that an end for this opportunity would come. God stated this truth in the form of a question. He says in Jeremiah 5:31 "but what will you do when the end comes?" I don't want to find that out. So I am "remembering," "realizing," and "returning." At this point, I don't really know where all this will lead. I do believe it will result in a closer walk with God and that it will result in making Jesus the focus of my life. For that reason, I will hold on to God's promise in Jeremiah 29:10-14.

These steps have caused me to think a lot about the gift of salvation that God gave me and how it has worked out in my life over the years. I am looking forward to God continuing to open the eyes of my heart and to fill it with the wonder of Jesus. He did this for Paul and left Paul with a burning desire to know Christ. In Philippians 3:8, Paul said, "Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord." Jesus invites us to do this. This raises some questions that have to be answered. (1) Do I want to know Christ for who He is? (2) Do I want Him to be the focus of my life? (3) Am I willing to live in a way that proves that this is what I want? Our pastor, Matt Chandler, expressed these thoughts this way concerning the invitation of Jesus. He said it was pretty simple the way Jesus put it. "Come live as I live...come, walk as I walk...come, follow me." Matt then said that we need to "figure out what that looks like...to get behind Him...to stop being a lot of admirers and be followers..." (October 16, 2005 - Rhythm: Part 4). The answer to understanding what that looks like is found in God's Word. If I want more of Jesus then I will have to go to God's Word, study and pray that the Holy Spirit will open the eyes of my heart. I will also need to answer these three questions "yes." So with God's help, I say "yes." Now I must trust God to direct my steps. Jeremiah gives the reason. "I know, O Lord, that the way of man is not in himself, that it is not in man who walks to direct his steps" (Jeremiah 10:23). I have been down that road. You will find a lot of things along the way; but you will not find Jesus. He will not be your life, your joy and your peace. He will not be your reason for living and you will never experience or show the surpassing worth of knowing Him.

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”


Thursday, September 4, 2008

Good And Faithful Servants - Gospel Messengers

1 Peter 1:3-12

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time...

Concerning this salvation, the prophets who prophesied about the grace that was to be yours searched and inquired carefully, inquiring what person or time the Spirit of Christ in them was indicating when he predicted the sufferings of Christ and the subsequent glories. It was revealed to them that they were serving not themselves but you, in the things that have now been announced to you through those who preached the good news to you by the Holy Spirit sent from heaven, things into which angels long to look."

I am thankful for godly messengers of the Good News. They do not serve themselves. They serve God and the ones to whom they speak. Godly messengers are those who preach the Good News by the Holy Spirit. If Christ is your Lord and Savior it is, in part, because of godly messengers of the Gospel who have been faithful in presenting the Word. Acts 26:17-18 records the Lord's words to Paul; but I believe they apply to all godly messengers:

"...I am sending you to open their eyes, so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me."

I am thankful that God calls and sends His messengers. It made an eternal difference to me that Sunday morning in August 1946 at First Baptist Church of Velasco Texas, when God used one of His messengers, J. R. Graves Darby, "to open my eyes so that I might turn from darkness to light, from the power of Satan to God to receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in Jesus Christ." My memory of that day and the part Bro. Darby had is limited to just a few moments. I wish I could remember more about that day. I wish I knew more about the man, Graves Darby. I have recently learned some things. I contacted the Conference of Texas Baptist Evangelist and received a reply from Bill Sky-Eagle, another faithful messenger of God. I first met him in the summer of 1970. He was part of a youth evangelism team at the time. I appreciate him taking time to do some research on Graves Darby and giving me permission to share that information. He describe his research with these words. "I was happy to do the research and have enjoyed learning about this man of God who was one of our faithful predecessors in vocational evangelism." I also have enjoyed learning about Graves Darby.

"J. R. Graves Darby, a blind Texas Baptist minster and evangelist, was born in Florence, Williamson County, Texas on November 29, 1890. He was the seventh of eight children born to John Oscar Darby and Emma Lee Gilliland. His younger brother, Ozelle Bennett Darby, was also blind. In 1910 the two brothers were students at the Texas State School for the Blind in Austin, Texas.

Graves Darby was a ministerial student at Baylor University in 1912. He was employed at Baylor at the time he registered for the draft. While living in Calvert, Robertson County, Texas, he was described as being tall, of medium build, with brown eyes and brown (balding) hair.

He and his wife, Alice L. Darby were married about 1917. In 1920 he and his wife lived in Madisonville, Texas where he was a Baptist minister. His wife was employed as a high school teacher. By 1930, they had moved to Cross Plains, Callahan County, Texas, where he was pastor of a Baptist church. Sometime before 1938, he and his wife moved to Waco, Texas, where they resided for the remainder of their lives.

An effective evangelist, Graves Darby conducted numerous revivals throughout Texas. As early as 1917-1918, he preached a revival at Henry Prairie Missionary Baptist Church in Robertson County, Texas. Between 1943-1946, he conducted other revivals that resulted in a number of baptisms. One of those revivals was at First Baptist Church of Conroe, Texas. The Amarillo Daily News for Saturday, October 26, 1940, carried this article, 'Blind Evangelist Begins Gospel Series at Local Church Sunday. A series of revival services, to run two weeks, through November 10, will begin Sunday morning at the San Jacinto Baptist Church, at Fifth and Caroline. Rev. Graves Darby, noted blind evangelist will do the preaching and Hooper Dilday will lead the music. This will be Rev. Darby's first meeting with that church. Mr. Dilday, who is educational director for First Baptist Church, Port Arthur, Texas, was reared in Amarillo.'

Bro. Darby's evangelistic ministry was especially effective in Galveston, Texas. The Galveston Daily News for Monday, October 10, 1938, mentioned, 'Rev. Graves Darby of Waco [will speak] at Broadway Baptist Church...' The Daily News for Saturday, December 12, 1942, says, 'Revival services at the Texas City Heights Baptist Church will continue tomorrow and through next week, conducted by Rev. Graves Darby of Waco, Texas.' The Daily News for Saturday, October 19, 1946, reported that he was again preaching in the city. The El Paso Herald-Post for Saturday, September 23, 1950, reported 'Rev. Graves Darby, evangelist of Waco and Harry Brooks of El Paso are leading the Immanuel Baptist Church [in revival].'

After many years of faithfully preaching the Good News of Jesus Christ, J. R. Graves Darby went to be with the Lord on February 4, 1962 in Waco, McLennan, Texas. Alice Darby followed him in death on December 30, 1977."

This is just a small record of Bro. Darby' ministry and life. During his years of ministry, it does not appear that he held back in his commitment to God. Graves Darby faithfully shared the Good News. Through Bro. Darby's preaching God open the eyes of many. Thank you Bro. Darby and all the countless faithful, godly messengers of the Good News. May we all be as faithful.

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”


Tuesday, September 2, 2008

A Blind Evangelist And A Boy Who Needed To See

In 1 Corinthians 13:12 Paul wrote:

"12
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known."

This verse has special meaning to me today as I think about a Sunday morning in August 1946. The memories of that day are like photographs - small glimpses of one of the greatest moments in my life. The First Baptist Church of Velasco, Texas was having "revival" services. It was the last service as I recall. I sat on the 10th row, left side. J. R. Graves Darby was the evangelist. He was blind; but that didn't seem to bother him. I can't recall his sermon that morning; but I do remember what happened at the end. It was during what we, as Baptist, call the "invitation" time - a time to make big decisions about your life like "accepting Jesus and being saved." They don't get any bigger than that. I think that the "invitation" period had gone on for awhile or that is how it seemed to me. No one had walked down the aisle. Bro. Darby stopped the singing. He took a coin out of his pocket and held it up. He said, "I will give this to anyone who will come down here and receive it. Do you believe that?" I was sitting next to the aisle and I had a quick route to him. I was thinking about taking him up on the offer; but then what would people think if I did that and what would I do next? Besides, embarrassing myself like that for a quarter, wasn't that appealing. I am not proud of the attitude I had that day. Sadly it did reflect the condition of my heart and how resistant I had become to God's call. These thoughts, though, were not what stopped me. Bro. Darby put the issue squarely in my face. It was like he looked right at me when he said, "This is like God's offer of salvation. He wants to give you Jesus as His gift. You just need to reach out in faith and receive Him." The weight of what I was feeling grew heavier in that moment. I still was resisting. I was thinking, "What am I going to do? He is not ending this." Suddenly a young girl ran to the front and took the coin from his hand. I thought, "I am going to make it past this moment after all." He talked to her and had her sit down on the front row. He told us that the girl had just accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior. I have to tell you something about her. She had a sad life. She had few friends. Kids constantly made fun of her - many of them to her face. They mistreated her. I felt sorry for her; but I never stop others from mistreating her. I guess I was afraid of what other kids might think of me or say. That weakness has always been lurking at the door steps of my life. I try, with God's help, to keep it contained; but it will surface from time to time. On one occasion I did take some action; but only through someone else. I had walked down to a friend's house. I saw this frail and frightened girl trapped on the roof of a shed. Some kids were throwing rocks at her. She was crying hysterically and pleading for them to stop. I have never seen such fear in a person's face. I ran to a neighbor's house to get help. The kids fled and the neighbors helped her down. That was just one of many abuses that she had to face. I am sorry that I was not a friend to her and for that, I have asked God to forgive me. It is in her memory that I write these words of thanks for the part she played in my life that day. I never told her "thank you." Bro. Darby didn't know anything about her. Though he was blind, I am sure he saw a young girl in need of the one true Friend, Jesus Christ. I know he saw her need for a Savior - something I was refusing to see in my own life. That Sunday morning as I watched her run to the front it was like God stabbed me in the heart. I had been thinking that this girl needed help and I didn't. She was hurting; but I wasn't. There I stood in nicely pressed clothes. I had loving parents. I had a good life or so I thought. Suddenly God let a nine year old boy feel the weight of sin and shame. In an instant God let me see Jesus in the words of John 3:16. I saw Him as my salvation. In one moment I couldn't see the condition of my life and the need for Jesus but in the next moment I could. I headed down the aisle and spoke the most important words I would ever speak, "I am trusting Christ to save me." That afternoon I was baptized along with about 10 of my friends. While I didn't know this at the time, it turned out that I would have many years to understand what this gift of grace meant to me; to learn what it meant to open up my heart to the richness of Christ.

For the young girl it was a different story. One day, years later, she took her life. To this day, I can't understand why a tragedy like that happened or why she had to endure so much. There are countless others like her. They suffer terribly. I will not question the love of God in any of this. Who am I to do that? I choose to believe truth such as that expressed by David in Psalm 34:18.

"18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."
and in Psalm 103:11

11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
I don't know why God gave me all these years to learn what it means to be His child. I am glad He did. His grace is amazing - like using this young girl that day in August 1946 to reach out to me and give me Jesus. That was the day I got to see; but there were things I didn't get to see.

That has been true through out my life and journey with God. I began my journey with God by getting to see my need for Jesus and what it meant to believe. I thought that this new way of seeing would be the norm for my life because I was now a Christian. I didn't realize that for the Christian there would now be two ways of seeing - seeing with the eyes of the head and the eyes of the heart. I had not heard words like "seeing they do not see" (Matthew 13:13). I had never heard of the prayer of Paul asking that God open the eyes of our hearts to understand. I didn't understand the need to pray continually that God would give me a heart to know (Deuteronomy 29:2-4). I thought my ability to unlock God's Word would come through my own mental faculties and that it would naturally happen because I was a Christian. I would go for years without understanding otherwise. That did change; but not without struggle.

I see a lot of things differently now. I see that God's Word must go beyond the mind to the heart; that it must be received not just with our external senses but also with out spiritual senses (Ephesians 1:18); that God must teach us and make us understand His Word. I see now how desperately we need Him to cause our hearts to be inclined to His Word. I know now that without His continual supernatural work we cannot see the revelation of the glory of God in the face of Christ - the very purpose for which understanding of the Word is given.

Even after seeing these truths, I have not always listen to or studied the Word in dependence upon His supernatural help. It has only been in recent months that God has impressed this truth on me in a much deeper way. I have been blessed over the years to gain knowledge in the study of God's Word but too much of that knowledge never consistently penetrated my heart. I have struggled with this. At times I wanted to ask an unsaved person to read a passage so I could find out if they saw the same thing I did. I was never sure how to go about doing that; plus I knew the empty feeling that it would bring to me if our understanding were the same. I never had to do that because God took care of the matter. He brought me to the desert.

I want to share what that last desert experience was like and how God, on May 13, 2008, began to call me out - to let me see again the wonder and awe of my salvation - Jesus Christ and to see how deeply I am known and accepted by Him. I close this post by recommending that you read a quote from a blog site called "Of First Importance." (You can read the quote by "clicking" on the highlighted title just as you can read the Scripture verses by "clicking" on the highlighted verses; but then you probably knew that before I did.)

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”