Why Did I Come To Jesus Christ In Faith (Part 3)

I don't think I have ever clearly understood why I came to Jesus Christ through faith. I have had some answers; but they were never satisfying - that is until recently. I know what part of the problem has been - I have not wrestled with the great statements of Scripture concerning how God saves. This greatly impacted my life in terms of peace and assurance. Over the past several months things have changed. The truth that "salvation belongs to the Lord" has become more than truth in a book on a shelf or one cloaked in haziness. My efforts to understand have involved a new focus. As a result, I have been able to look at my salvation history in a way that I believe finally squares with God's Word. The change in focus involves the truths of God's sovereignty and human responsibility. Much of my focus over the years has been on the latter. I believe in God's sovereignty; but I have not been able to go there when it comes to my salvation. I have been putting human responsibility first in the process. Once I began to focus on God's sovereignty in salvation and discover just how awesome and all encompassing that sovereignty is, I have found that it is only truth that explains and defines my salvation history. It is the only truth that gives my salvation meaning and content. It is the only truth that has freed me from the hazy thinking that has gripped my life and kept me bound. It is like a door has been opened. I am not sure what all I will find beyond that door; but one thing is for sure - I have found peace. That has deepened my thankfulness that it is God who saves and that He saves even though we may not understand all that is involved when it happens.

I have re-examined the mixture of explanations about salvation that seemed to float around my life after I was saved. They were never firm convictions. They never answered the questions that pressed down on my life. Over the years I have heard a great deal about how to get people saved; but not much was said about why a person could believe in the first place. I had been a Christian for nearly 25 years before I ever heard words like "justification," "sanctification," "election" or "calling." For some reason, when it came to the sovereign role of God in salvation, we did not go there and face the straight forward statements of Scripture. Most of what I heard kept human responsibility in the forefront. A friend once told me that he felt if a pastor ever preached portions of John 6 concerning God's sovereignty in salvation that pastor would be asked to leave the church. I thought that might be an exaggeration; and yet I know that when I taught verses like those found in John 6, I didn't deal with them head-on.

Much of what I had to consider over the years rested on the idea that an unsaved person had some type of natural ability to believe the gospel. It was a matter of somehow convincing a person to believe. Along with this thought was the explanation that God had left a little light in each person that could be turned on by human choice or persuasion. Once that happened a person then needed to repent and believe, and, as a result, they would become a "born again Christian." I never used that term because I did believe if you were a Christian you were born again. I just didn't know the finer details of the work of God in the new birth. Getting a person to exercise their free will was seen as the key that would unlock the door to salvation. There was never much said about the power of the Word and the Holy Spirit in salvation or God's sovereign role. I am not entirely sure why this was true. I know that I avoided the strong Scriptures on this point. I guess that was because I could never get those verses to square with the idea that a person had some degree of natural ability to choose. I knew that there were teachings that ignored the truth of human responsibility to believe and repent as well as the need for presenting the Gospel. I heard one man state that he had always been saved and one day he just realized it. I lived in an atmosphere of understanding that looked upon any teaching that God is sovereign in salvation as the equivalent to teaching this extreme view. I think that some felt that such teaching would lead one to accept that extreme view. That did not prove true for me. I have finally found a statement that expresses what I do believe. It is expressed in the doctrinal statement of our church and I this is my belief because I find that it is squares with Scripture.

Looking back over my life, I can say that I knew nothing about any of these wide ranging explanations when I became a Christian. I can say the things that I learned never gave me assurance. This was especially true when I kept running into Scriptures on God's sovereign role in salvation. As a result, I was left trying to re-assure myself; but as long as it was a "me plus God" type of cooperation in salvation, I struggled. I know now after carefully re-examining my conversion, from the standpoint of Scripture and God's sovereign work, that I initiated nothing. If people could have looked into my life before I was acted on by God they would not have seen any initiation on my part. Up until the time God acted upon my life, I thought I was fine. Was I in for a rude awakening. I am certain that a human being did not convinced me of my sin and guilt. I realize now that because of God alone, I went from knowing facts about Jesus to seeing my need for Jesus - and seeing Him for who He is. I realize now that when I saw the need to reach out to Him in faith and repentance it was entirely God's work of grace. I see now that the process did not begin with me and did not happened through the natural processes of my mind or human reasoning or persuasion. I realize there is alot that I don't understand and there is alot that I don't need to understand. I will just be thankful that I am saved and keep pressing forward to grasp all that God will permit me to understand.

When John 3:16 became personal to me in the summer of 1946, it happened in an imperceptible way. When I look at that time in my life, it was like a light was turned on in a darken room. It was like one moment it was dark and then in the next - there was light. The truth of that life saving verse changed. I know now that what happened was solely the result the work of the Holy Spirit. It happened to me apart from any natural ability or power of human reasoning. It would have been impossible for me to do any of that. In fact my so-called natural ability first led me to deny that I needed to do anything. Secondly it caused me to think that if I needed to do anything, it was something I could handle. Without a supernatural change in my life, this natural ability would have served only to keep me in bondage rather than lead me to turn to Christ. There is really only one explanation that makes sense. There is only one thing that squares with what happened in my life. It was the work of God, the power of His Word and the work of His Holy Spirit.

At the risk of repetition, I feel a need to emphasize how deeply I struggled to understand and find assurance. The reason - it is more than an academic struggle. It has been a life or death struggle. For so long I had seen my act of faith and repentance as a choice that I made on the basis of human ability. Much to my regret, I let my salvation rest on that choice. I kept re-examining that choice; but never in light of Scripture. That left me at times feeling like I was dangling over hell. That thought brought abject fear to my life at times. I thought, "What if I died and found out that all I had going for me was just a choice." I knew down deep there had to be more. The only way I could deal with it was to try to push it aside; but it just continued to surface. Part of a song that we sing at our church has these words - "He has given me a new name." There were times when I could not bring myself to sing those words. I wanted to but all I could do was bow my head and pray, "Father please let that be true for me." There is another line in the song that says, "He brings restoration." Those are the words we see on the screen; but what we actually sing sounds to me like "Bring restoration." That would be my prayer as others sang. That cry of my heart was growing faint. The other night in our services I got to sing those words with a glad and thankful heart. I was no longer living with a sense that time was running out for me. I was experiencing restoration.

I had been living as if the validity of my justification originated from a process that started with human choice. When my inadequate understanding of God's sovereignty was stirred into the mix, it left me desperately wondering, at times, if I was even one of God's elect. Had I just elected myself? I had been on the verge of accepting that as true; but I kept pressing forward. In the midst of that turmoil, God did bring restoration. He enabled me to acknowledge that as long as I could, in anyway, start the process of salvation, I would never find peace. I would not find peace pursuing something that was contrary to the truth as expressed in Jonah 2:9 - "Salvation belongs to the Lord!" I would not and could not find peace in the idea that somehow I started the process when Scripture plainly says in Ephesians 2:1-3 "And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind." I have been able to accept the fact that the only choice I could make in that state would have kept me bound in sin. After years of struggling and after years of trying to ignore the struggle, I finally have peace, assurance and security. I finally have more than some vague feeling that Christ loves me and died for me. I know that as a nine year old boy in the summer of 1946 God gave me a new name. I know that is true because God is sovereign in my salvation - because salvation belongs to Him and it is His gift to me.

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

Why Did I Come To Jesus Christ in Faith? (Part 2)

This is a picture of one of the natural lakes in New Hampshire. I can remember thinking, as I looked across the lake to the trees and mountains, "God did this." Today as I look at the picture and recall the beauty of God's creation, I have another thought. I am aware that, by the will of God, all of creation has been subjected to futility and is under the bondage of decay as the result of Adam's sin. But I know that is just a momentary thing. There is an ultimate reality. One day, God's creation will be set free from this bondage. There will be a renewed creation - greater than the first. As I write this post, I am thinking, though, more about God's ultimate creation - man. There are no words to describe this creation. I am thinking, too, about something that casts a dark shadow over this wonder - mankind is under God's wrath. We are all born into a state of sin and death and we face the punishment reserved for Satan and his angels. Yet behind this deep shadow is the brilliant light of an awesome truth. It is expressed in Romans 5:8-11. "(B)ut God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation."

Ephesians 2:8 explains how this blood bought salvation and reconciliation can become the reality of our life. "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God." In John 3:16, Jesus said, "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." Over the last year, I have looked closely at that time in my life when, as a nine year old boy, I turned to Jesus in faith. I have been more intense about this in the last few weeks. Why did I come to Jesus in faith? These efforts have been bolstered by the words of 2 Corinthians 13:5. "Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test!" While Paul was dealing with persistent wrong behavior in the lives of some to whom he wrote, he also expressed a need for all who profess to be Christians. It is proper and important for us to ask at times if we are true Christians. Are we putting on a front? Are we in the faith? Is there any evidence that Jesus Christ lives in us? I want to address these questions in more detail later; but first I want to know why am I in the faith. Was I drawn by God and the power of His Word or by other means? If it was by any other means or for any other reason, then the foundation upon which I am resting my eternal destiny is false. It is sand. If I came to Jesus by any other power, I really never came to Him. I have struggled over the years because I have not been able to be clear about this. I have been haunted by the words in Matthew 7:23 that Jesus will speak to many, "Depart from Me, I never knew you." I have pursued this question because I want to be assured (and put to rest any question to the contrary) that the war is over. I want to know that I am no longer under the wrath of God because God does not intend for Christians to live as if they are still under His wrath. I want to live in peace in my relationship to God. This goes to the heart of the issue raised by Paul. My salvation must be true according to Scripture. I want to make sure that it is and that Romans 5:1 is true in my life. "Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ."

So, as a nine year old boy, why did I believe the Gospel? I need to preface what I have discovered and am discovering by some of the things I strongly believe about salvation. Some of these beliefs are long standing. There are some things I am now understanding with greater clarity and conviction. I believe in the Biblical doctrines of the sovereignty of God and human responsibility. I believe that both must be kept in balance. We must have a strong view of God's sovereignty. It must not be one that is imbalanced and unbiblical. I believe we have a responsibility to present the Gospel to all mankind and offer Christ to the world. We do not know who will be saved. Only God knows. I believe that the Gospel calls all sinners to repentance and faith and that it calls for a response. I believe that response, though, is preceded by the hearing of the Word and the work of the Holy Spirit in our hearts. I believe that everyone who comes to Christ will be saved. I also strongly believe in truth like that expressed in John 6:37 where Jesus says, "All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out. " I believe that the presentation of the Word and the offer of Christ must be done with intensity - even to the point of imploring. In 2 Corinthians 5:20, Paul said, "Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God." We are to stand with conviction and intensity in Christ's stead and plead to lost mankind. In other words, evangelism and missions are essential responsibilities for all Christians toward mankind. The presentation of the Gospel must not be supplanted by a message of election and reprobation nor entangled in debate. Efforts to understand the validity of our salvation must not become one of introspection to know if we are one of God's elect. I have struggle in my life at that point; but God brought me out of that assurance killing endeavor. Finally, as a preface to what I have discovered and am discovering, I do not ascribe to any teaching that minimizes this truth: Salvation is of the Lord.

I have considered a number of explanations about the moment of salvation in a person's life. It is not my purpose in this writing to delve too deeply into these doctrines and "isms." I just want to nail down some basics. When it comes to how a person is saved and how we should present the offer of salvation there are a number of ideas floating around. Some speak of "leading a person to Christ." People are told that they need to ask "Jesus to come their heart." Some are asked, "Do you want to go to heaven?" That will certainly attract some people - especially children. A series of questions have been formulated that people are called upon to answer and then they are asked to pray "the sinner's prayer." I have even heard people say things like "You should accept Jesus as your Savior so He will not have died in vain." I have seen efforts to use human wisdom and persuasion in place of the power of the Gospel and the work of the Holy Spirit. Today it is popular in some circles to hold up the possibility of riches and wealth to those who "turn to Jesus." If any of those things are necessary, then I missed the gift. None of that happened to me. To assure that I did not miss God's gift and ended up with some human version of the gift, I have gone back in my thoughts to the summer of 1946 and have asked God to help me understand what happened during those critical weeks of my life. Through the years, God has enabled me to retain several very vivid memories of those days when I experienced the power of the Gospel in my life. It has been only recently that I have, with God's help, been able to look at those memories and understand their significance in light of Scripture.

From the time I was about 4 or 5, I can remember spending a lot of time in our church building attending various services and activities. I was involved in Sunday School and Vacation Bible School. I heard stories about Jesus and other stories from the Bible. I was very familiar with the words of Jesus in John 3:16. By the time I was nine I knew the facts about Jesus dying on the cross for my sins and about His resurrection on the third day. I had heard about believing in Jesus. One of the first significant things I remember during the summer of 1946 is the occasion when someone spoke to me about my personal salvation. It made an impression on me. The impression was that I did not want to be bothered. One day during those summer months of 1946 I was sitting on the floor behind the sales counter in my parents' store. I can't remember why. Maybe God just sat me down because of what I was about to hear. I can still see my mother looking down at me and asking, "Do you think it is time you thought about believing in Jesus and being saved?" That was all she said. She never mentioned it again. My response was silence. I don't know all that was going on in my life at that time concerning salvation; but those words, I believe now, were more than just a mother's words of concern to her son. I believe that was part of God's call to me as a lost sinner. On the Sunday I went to the altar of our church, there was no pressure placed on me. There was a deep concern expressed by the evangelist about a person's need for God's gift of salvation. I am sure God was using those words in my life. At the front, when I stood before the pastor, he did not ask me to pray the "sinner's prayer." I just told the pastor, that I was trusting Jesus for my salvation. By then deep burdens had already been lifted from my life. By then I realized that I was a sinner. That was the second significant thing that God did in my life. He let me see my sinfulness and sin in my life in a way that made me ashamed. I also felt terrible guilt. It happened just after my mother spoke to me about salvation. I never forgot what I did. Until these last few days I never understood the significance of what happened. I was sitting in a little tent that I had built in the backyard of my parent's home. It had repeatedly collapsed on me that day. Suddenly, for no reason apparent to me at the time, I began to curse using God's name. It wasn't just one time. I repeated that curse word several times. I had never heard the words "God" and "damn" spoken together. It was not just a word that I was speaking - a byword. I knew that it reflected a view of God that I never realized I had or could have. That terrified me. Until that moment, I had seen nothing sinful about my life. One moment there wasn't a problem. There wasn't any concern about sin or being sinful. But as soon as those words stopped flowing from my mouth, I knew. I became painfully aware of my sinfulness. I had a sense of doom that I have never forgotten. The third significant thing that happened was that in those moments the awareness of my need for Jesus as my Lord and Savior began to change. In fact in those early moments of what I now realize was the power of the Gospel working in my life through God's Holy Spirit, my view of sin and the sinfulness of my life dramatically changed. I felt a tremendous weight of what I now understand was the wrath of God. I was almost to the point of despair because I had cursed God's holy name. I realize now that I was coming alive to the realities of the deadness of my life and my bondage to sin. It wasn't just cursing that was being evidenced in my life. The fourth thing that happened was even further revealing about my sinfulness. I begin to resist God. I was resisting and fighting Him; but I was also trying to change on my own. I guess, at first, my human nature was saying, "You can still pull this off." The fifth thing that happened was when I realized I was powerless. I could not do one thing to change what I had done or what I was or how I degraded God. No human told me that. God did in His Word. I am not sure when God began His call of mercy and grace in my life. It was like Jesus described in John 3:7, "The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.” The wind grew in intensity to the point that there was only one thing I could do - turn to Jesus Christ in repentance and faith. I know that I did. The question I am finally able to ask is why did I do that. I don't know that you can ask that question if you have doubts. Maybe that is why it has taken me so long. I am looking forward to being able to express what I have discovered in the next post entitled, "Why Did I Come to Jesus Christ in Faith? (Part 3).

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

Why Did I Come To Jesus Christ In Faith? (Part 1)

Note: Please remember that the Scripture can be viewed in a separate window by placing the "glove" or "hand" over the reference.

For a long time it was never clear in my mind why, as a 9 year old boy, I believed in Jesus. Was it because a human being convinced me that was what I needed to do? What part did my will or the will of man have in my salvation? Over time there were more questions; but I basically just accepted the traditional views about salvation without ever having a clear understanding about why I believed. Regrettably, most of what I understood was a mixture of different teachings, opinions and inferences of others. I realize now that a lot of those ideas did not square with the plain statements of Scripture. They didn't seem to start with Scripture.

I am thankful that in the midst of my "amen journey" of discovery and some deep spiritual struggles that I have experienced this past year, God has caused me to ask this question and seek answers. As a result I have gained new and fresh understanding about my salvation. It is not new truth; but it is new, clear and personal to me. One of the most welcomed things that happened was being able to separate the exercise of faith in Jesus Christ from the act of openly expressing that faith during the invitation time of our church that Sunday morning in 1946. Some time before that open expression, I began to see Jesus and the truth of my "salvation verse," John 3:16 in a totally different way. I have not been able to express that difference adequately until just recently. It has been only after God continually confronted me with 2 Corinthians 4:6. I know now that God, at a critical moment in time, spoke these words into my life: “Let light shine out of darkness.” That sovereign and supernatural act brought "the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ" to my heart. In that moment a number of awesome things happened in my life, one of which was that I went from just knowing facts about Jesus to seeing for the first time something of His beauty, loveliness and worth - in other words, His glory. I would not have used these words then to describe that time in my life - mainly because I didn't have the understanding that I now have. In retrospect, they do describe what I felt and thought. As I recall those days and moments leading up to my public declaration, I realized something had noticeably changed in my thinking about Jesus and His words in John 3:16. I also began to experience a battle like I had never known. I mentioned this in an earlier post. It would mark the beginning of a life long warfare that is the lot of every Christian. Much of the battle has centered on the matter of my salvation and acceptance by God. It has been a battle that I have run from; but no longer. This "amen journey" is, in essence, a counter-offensive and with God's help His victory will be my victory. The battle has already been fought and won. I just haven't lived from that perspective.

I also understand now that what I saw in that salvation moment was just meant to be the beginning. I missed the fact that my whole life was to become one of constantly seeing in a deeper and deeper way the beauty, loveliness and worth of Jesus - that Jesus was supposed to become the devotion of my life; that I was to see and live upon the basis of His total sufficiency for my life; and that I was supposed to see Him through the eyes of faith. I know there were times that I did see Him in this way. I just did not fully understood the significance of what I was seeing and why it was so critical to the purpose of my new life in Christ - to know and enjoy the glory of God; and to make the most of Him in all things. Much of this struggle has been directly related to the fact that I did not have a clear, personal understanding that Jesus alone is the Lord of my salvation. Had that been true, I would not have wasted years living on the basis of the weakness of human understanding and explanations. I would not have been so earth bound when it came to the source of faith and the exercise of faith. I would have experienced the truth of 2 Corinthians 3:18 in a totally different way.

This journey of discovery has been a gift from God. So have the messages that I have heard over the last year and a half at The Village Church - messages that have caused me to focus on the beauty, worth and value of Jesus and the need to press hard after Him. I have learned some awesome things about God's sovereignty - especially as it relates to salvation. I am beginning to understand in a much clearer and personal way why God has accepted me. Over the years I have been beaten down as I have focused on "my worth" and on the validity of "my faith." I should have focused on the person of Jesus, His righteousness and worth and upon Him as the Lord of my salvation.

As I began to think about the question expressed in the title of this post I had intended to get right to the point. I was not sure why my focus turned to Jesus; but then I should have known especially after I read these words by Jonathan Edwards. He said, "This sense of the beauty of Christ is the beginning of true saving faith in the life of a true convert." My first question was "How can this be?" I then came to realize that the answer lies in the source of the new sense and awareness of the beauty of Christ. It means something dramatically happened in my life - like the truth of 2 Corinthians 4:6. As I reflect upon what is now happening in my life, it is like a door has been opened. It is also like there are a number of doors waiting to be opened and I am not sure which one the Lord will open. One that has been opened has led me into a room of thought where I have found reason to rejoice in God alone when it comes to my salvation. Here I have found an answer to the question of why I came to Jesus in faith. It is here that I have finally been able to deal with the issue of human cooperation in salvation. It is a room devoid of a lot of ideas that held sway in my life that clouded the truth that "salvation is of the Lord" and things that kept me from experiencing peace, assurance and security. I pray that I will be able to explain in more specifics what I have I discovered for my life that has finally brought a large measure of peace, assurance and security to my soul.

An Interlude in the Journey

I wanted to point out a new feature in the Amen Journey blog. I am not sure what I am doing other than following directions (hopefully). RefTagger has been added. It is a new web tool that will cause Bible text references to pop up in a small window. Just hover the mouse arrow over the reference and the text will appear. In the lower left corner you will find the words "more." Click on that and it will take you to an expanded version of the text. In the left column of the blog there is a section entitled "Logos.com." It will let you select the Bible version that you want to see when the text pops up. Click on "Save" after you have selected the version. It is supposed to work. Like I say I am not a whiz when it comes to working with scripts. Hopefully it will help to be able to reference the text or a larger view of Scripture using RefTagger. I am including a link for further reading. Just click on the word RefTagger. Here is a sample verse: 2 Corinthians 4:4-6.

I am working on a new post entitled, "Why Did I Believe in Jesus Christ?" I have gone back to the time I first believed and asked "Why." I am not questioning that I did; but I really want to look at what happened and why it happened. If you are reading this, I would appreciate your prayers.

We Have An Altar

Hebrews 13:10:

"We have an altar from which those who serve the tent have no right to eat. (ESV)"

I have been thinking about altars these last few days. Betty and I are volunteers in an altar prayer ministry at our church. The altar of our church consists of the platform steps at the front of the room in which our services are held. At the end of each service, people are invited to come there to meet with our pastors for prayer or just to talk. Some remain seated and pray during those times while others depart quietly. Our worship leader sings in a Spirit led way. I don't mention this to make a judgment about "altar calls" or to promote one method over another. I mention it and what follows to relate something that has happened in my life and how the "altar call" affected me.

I grew up in a church that had altar calls. This took place during what we called the "invitation time." I responded to one of those altar calls and it had a long lasting impact on my life. Through the years I associated my response to the altar call as the moment I received God's gift of salvation - Jesus Christ. I have described that moment and my understanding of it in the posts of August 26 and September 2, 2008. For me, and perhaps others, this moment of going to the front during the invitation came to represent the moment I got saved. I had heard the verse in Matthew 10:32-33 where Jesus says, "So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven, but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven." In my mind that was linked inseparably to my response of faith. Over the years my focus has been on that moment. That has led to great struggle in my life. Responding to the altar call became the point for measuring the validity of my salvation. As time past, I would think, "Why did I go to the front?" Was it to please my parents? Did I just respond to the call of man in a man made moment or was it a response to the call of God and the exercise of faith that He had given me? I can't begin to tell you how this has troubled me. On October 8, 2008, God did something in my life that I will never forget. He helped me separate this altar event from the moment I responded to His call. I have come to see that the two responses were totally separate. That meant I could have had a 1000 reasons for going to the front of the church that Sunday in August 1946 and it would have had nothing to do with my salvation. I probably did go because of my parents and to put their minds at ease. I did go because I wanted to acknowledge Jesus and I wanted to follow Him in baptism. I wanted to acknowledge Him before men. My problem was that all of this got blended into one moment. I now realize more clearly than I ever have that what really mattered had already happened in my heart. That is what gave meaning to my public acknowledgment of Christ and His gift of salvation. It gave meaning to my response to the altar call rather than the altar call giving meaning or validity to my salvation. To be able to roll the clock back beyond the altar call response and see, for the first time, that God had already done something in my heart, has been one of the most liberating moments of my life. I don't know why it took so long to see this and, as a result, get rid of self imposed baggage that God never intended for me to carry. But then, part my "Amen Journey" was to experience something I mentioned earlier - to arrive at the place where I started and know it for the first time and find that every discovery is a sort of homecoming; and because every homecoming is a discovery, I could experience delight and surprise in every instant of it. (A Dog Named Rex - A Journey of Discovery, August 28, 2008).

I said at the outset that these comments were not meant to be critical of altar calls. As I have said, I am not judging methods or promoting methods. I am just talking about what happened to me. Based on my own experience, I believe great care should be exercised in using altar calls and in helping people understand what is involved. Great care should be exercised to protect a person's response of faith. Coming forward in response to an altar call can be so associated with the act of faith that confusion can result. A person can be led to think that a public act is part of the salvation process. Public decisions are not reliable as means of verifying conversion. The fruit of the Holy Spirit is. The real cause of conversion - the work of the Holy Spirit - can be overshadowed. That work will happen whether there is an altar call or not. Overemphasis of the public response can eclipse that truth. Failing to emphasize the distinctiveness of the two events can lead to confusion. Having said that, I do believe there is a place for altar calls. It is appropriate to invite people to a place and time to pray, a place to deal with spiritual battles, burdens, questions, a place to deal with broken hearts, a place to talk with a pastor and seek help about the state of one's soul and a place to call upon the Lord. Even the playing of music or singing has its place. It is still a time of worship. I am thankful for having had the opportunity to respond to an altar call. I regret that this initial experience produced such confusion in my life. I am thankful that God has now removed that confusion. I am thankful that our church as well as others provide such a quiet place to kneel and speak to God. I am thankful for altar ministers who are there for those who come seeking help and direction. I am thankful that there is a commitment to avoid the possibility of confusion when it comes to the most important moment of all - the moment of salvation. But most of all, I am thankful that we have an altar call from God that goes beyond a call to a physical altar. It is a call to a greater altar.

Hebrews 13:10 says, "We have an altar from which those who serve the tent have no right to eat." The context for this statement is important. The writer had just said, "It is good for our hearts to be strengthened (nourished) by grace - to be immersed in a sea of grace." Elsewhere the Bible says that this will not happen to the soul that is unbowed before God. Humility attracts the tremendous weight of grace. The source of that life giving, strengthening grace comes from the altar - the cross from which we are nourished and sustained by nothing less than the life of Christ. One writer says that "Christ must become our constant meal - our food, our drink, our life. " God's altar call continues in terms of our response to the truth, "We have an altar..."

Hebrews 13:13-16: "Therefore let us go to him outside the camp and bear the reproach he endured. For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come. Through him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name. Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God."

The response of those who have received God's gift of grace: First, we must make much of Christ in our life. We must seek and see His glory. Second, we must give ourselves in the service of Christ and others. I have struggled for many years because I was unable to disentangle God's effectual call from the altar call of man. Now because of God's work in my life in giving me a clearer vision at this point, I choose this as my response:

Psalm 43:4 "Then I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy, and I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God."

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

I Didn't Know That

"But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen. " 2 Peter 3:18

The year - 1943. The occasion - first grade and the first day of school. The unhappy look - my picture was being taken. I was not dressed up for a picture; but parents see things like that differently. We were living in the small Gulf coast community of Velasco Heights. It consisted of two roads, some houses and one or two small stores. Our community was bounded on one side by acres of salt grass and rattlesnakes (the forbidden zone) and on the other side by Dow Chemical. The house we lived in had two rooms - a small kitchen and a large bedroom/living room. Two of my uncles built the house for us. My dad built my bed. It was a square box that fit under the large bed and was designed to slide out when I needed it for a bed. One day we got a couch that was supposed to open into a bed; but it never did as I recall. I am not sure I slept on the couch. I guess I thought it would fold up on me.

My memories of the first day of school consist of this scene and the walk home. The bus let us out on the highway and then we had to walk. Fights would break out. That would be a common occurrence. We had a lot of dirt clod fights. I still have a scar on my head from a flying clod. Miraculously we all survived. When I look at this picture, I am reminded that this was the beginning of getting to learn alot of new things. I had my "Big Chief" notebook and I was ready. The title for this posting reminded me of this picture and that day. In the years that followed, I could say, "I didn't know that" about a lot of things. At this point in my life, I am thankful that I can say "I didn't know that" because it means I am still learning and that I want to learn. I have believed for a long time that the moment I ever thought I knew everything or enough, that would be the moment I stopped learning.

It is interesting, when you allow God to examine your life, what He will use to remind you of issues in your life. For me it was this little phrase - "I didn't know that." In the last few years of my Dad's life when he would discover something new, he would often say, "I didn't know that" . Now anytime Betty or I learn or hear of something new, we find ourselves saying, "I didn't know that." That causes us to smile because it brings back fond memories. Recently those words have brought into focus some things that I wish had not been descriptive of my walk with God. In returning to the place where I started that walk, I have had to look closely at the direction my life and what defined my life over the years. I struggled in my walk with God. In the early years it stemmed directly from what I didn't know. I later gained knowledge through studying God's Word; but, as I have mentioned before, much of that never got beyond my mind to my heart. There were moments when it did or I wouldn't be writing this journal or longing for a deeper walk with God and a greater passion for Jesus.

In 2 Corinthians 4:6, Paul said, "For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ." I know this happened to me. I wish I had discovered this verse and others like it sooner in my life. Sadly, though, it would be years before that happened. It wasn't just this truth either. "I didn't know that" covered a large part of my life when it came to my relationship and fellowship with God. Over the years, I did gain knowledge from the study of God's Word; but at the level of my heart, "I didn't know that" remained true about a lot of things.

What I didn't know has caused much of my walk with God to be more man-centered than God-centered. My life consisted a great deal in what I did for God or what I should be doing for God. I could sum up the early years of my Christian life with a check list found on church offering envelopes - "attending church; studying the lesson; bringing my Bible to church; giving and staying for the preaching service." As I grew older the list included work in the church. I also felt that I needed to develop certain rules consisting of things I could do and things I shouldn't do. None of these things were necessarily bad. The problem - they were not meant to define the eternal life promised in verses like John 3:16. God had allowed the light to shine out of darkness in my life for basically one thing - to magnify His glory and His presence in the face of Jesus Christ. That should have been the direction of my life and the defining, motivating principle of my life.

So here I am, at age 71, trying to properly define my life in Christ and my purpose for living. What I am seeing is that over the years I did get some things right but I got a lot wrong. In this process, familiar verses have taken on new meaning. In Luke 11:2 Jesus expressed the answer in terms of our prayer life - "Father, hallowed be your name." Everything in our life should have God as its focus and direction - even our prayers. 1 Peter 3:18 says, "For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit..." As believers all that we are and do should point to God and should bring us to God in our daily experiences. 2 Corinthians 4:4 says "In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God." At one time we could not see the "light of the good news of the glory of Christ." Now, as believers, we can and not just at the moment of salvation. That truth should always be working to define who we are and what we say and do. This is the key to real living. It is the key to being transformed, as expressed in 2 Corinthians 3:18, "and we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit." Because I didn't know that and did not realize the tremendous role of the Holy Spirit, not only for salvation but for living, guilt became a constant enemy. Growing in joy and peace was a struggle. I experienced guilt because I repeatedly failed, in my mind, to measure up to what I thought God expected of me. To overcome guilt, I would determine to try harder. From time to time I would rededicate my life. That would help for awhile; but it brought only temporary relief. I eventually stopped doing that. Because of what I didn't know, I struggled often with my acceptance by God. The truth of election and calling would become nightmares rather than points of comfort. This struggle goes back to having to say "I didn't know that" about the great truths of justification, sanctification and mortification. My answer to this insufficiency of knowledge was to strive harder to feel good about myself and my relationship with God. That brought more frustration. Living in that state of not knowing caused a lot of scars and scar tissue to build over time. It has been a constant battle to keep the face of Jesus from growing dim. Keeping the flame burning brightly has been a wearisome task at times. It has been a battle to keep from feeling like I was on the outside looking in to the feast that others were enjoying. I could still sing about Jesus. I could still speak words of praise to Him. I could still pray, study and teach. I could do all those things and countless other; but there was often something missing. Job 22:25 describes the missing aspect of real living this way, "then the Almighty will be your gold and your precious silver." I wanted that but because of what I didn't know, it was like chasing a dream or looking for the illusive pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Sometimes I just got tired.

When God caused the light to shine in my heart that day as a nine year old boy, I was like a blind person who had been given sight. In the years that followed I wish this could have been said of my life, "and immediately he recovered his sight and followed him, glorifying God. And all the people, when they saw it, gave praise to God"(Luke 18:43). Now after all these years I am thankful that, because of God's grace, this can still be a reality for my life.

I didn't know for a long time that I had been called to an impossible task. When I finally reached that conclusion, I still did not fully realize that God already knew of this impossibility. In fact He said so in Mark 10:27. “With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God.” And because I didn't know that God knew this and had made provisions for that impossibility, I struggled through much of my life as a Christian. I knew that I needed Jesus to be my salvation. What I didn't realize, as fully as I should have, was that I needed Him to be my life, my purpose, my joy and my peace. What I didn't realize either was the means by which this could happen. I kept going down roads that brought a lot of struggle. In my own strength I could not stay on the true road - the one that Jesus travels. So at this point of my life and by God's help, I am making the words of Psalm 16:2, 5 my affirmation. "I say to the Lord, You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you...The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot."

I saw this truth in the life of my Mother and Daddy. They loved the Lord. He was the treasure of their life. So was His Word. Many things proved that, like the worn pages of their Bibles. I am not sure where I would be here today had it not been for them demonstrating that devotion to Jesus. What a legacy. I want to finish the course as they did. I want to leave the kind of legacy they did. I pray that every day will be a "I didn't know that" day of discovery as God opens up His Word to me. There will always be more to learn so that our hearts might continue to respond, our lives might continue to be transformed more and more into the image of Christ and that we might be led continually closer to God. I have my "Big Chief" notebook and I am ready.


“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

Disillusioning Illusion

"...we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are seen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18.

Seeing, in the sense that it is used in 2 Corinthians 4:18, is important. It is important where and how we look. This raises questions. What is true and not an illusion? What is reality? What is lasting? How do we decide? I took this picture a year ago and each time I look at it, I have to think about it. Am I looking at water? Am I looking down? Which way is up? And the big one is what kept me from falling into what ever this is? If I look at it long enough I start to get disoriented. It looks like several pictures mixed into one. Life can be like this. Things that are seen or experienced through our senses can be illusive. People speak of being "disillusioned." If that describes the undoing of illusions or discovering that something we thought, incorrectly, was true then that could be good. It might be painful. Even then it is better to deal in truth.

When I look at this picture, I have to remind myself that I am looking down into a very deep part of the Frio River. I took this picture one afternoon during a break from a conference that my wife and I were attending. We got to spend several days at Laity Lodge and were privileged to hear J. I. Packer. He autographed a book that I have about worn out - Knowing God. That book has had a powerful impact on my life. It is worth reading. It is saturated with Scripture. But, back to the picture. If I had not been the one who took the picture, I don't think I would really know what it depicted. Much of life is like this picture. It is illusive and so are many of the solutions we resort to for understanding. Finding the right authority for answers can be even more confusing. Many people turn to their minds, emotions and conscience as the source for guidance and understanding. The problem - all three are flawed and defective and we end up filling them with equally flawed and defective information.

There is only one real authority and source for true understanding - God's Word. The psalmist speaks of God's divine disclosure in terms of the "wonderful things in the Word of God." Of course, the most wonderful thing of all is His self-disclosure. When we open the pages of God's word, it is meant to be much more than an academic exercise. We are really getting to meet and understand the living God. We find Jesus. We can study and study; but if we miss Jesus, we will not have life and we will not understand life. Life will remain an illusion. Study is important. In God's Word we discover many things concerning His wisdom and knowledge; but keep this in mind - truth is Jesus. Our pastor, Matt Chandler, spoke about this in his message entitled "Family Traits: Truth" on June 12, 2005. He spoke about the importance of studying God's Word. He stressed how important it is to study to find Jesus.

There are many helps to aid us in serious study. I came across this information from TheResurgence. Just "click" the following link: Six Study Essentials | TheResurgence. You will be directed to a page that gives both printed and on-line resources as well as some steps for Bible study. I would add also the site-address for our church, The Village Church. Just "click" on the highlighted name. The homepage contains a link to the sermon/music library.

As I look back over the years of my journey with God, I have found extremes when it comes to the study of His Word. It ranges from intense study to very little study. There were times when I gained knowledge through my intellect but not through my heart - in other words I had not asked God to open my heart to hear His Word. There were times, especially in the early years when my study was very shallow or nonexistent. It was either a "baby food" diet or starvation. A large part of the time, it was mainly about studying and gaining knowledge. To a large extent I was missing out on being brought face to face with Jesus. The flames of devotion to Him were not being kindled. I was missing the "wonderful things in the Word of God." I was missing the force that would drive me beyond self and lead me to live for God's glory. God is gracious. He is giving me another opportunity to get it right.

It is painfully obvious to me that I cannot make it without a daily intake of God's Word to feed my mind and heart. I know that is true for all of us. I have tried to coast; but that is dangerous for at least two reasons. First, because of the world in which we live. The world has achieved new heights in presenting lies dressed up in truth or even worse making "truth" whatever one says it is. Second, it is dangerous because we will be deprived of the life giving flow of Jesus Christ - the True Vine. We will not be abiding in the Way, the Truth and the Life, Jesus Christ.

The only thing we have to counter these dangers and assure our "abiding" attachment to the flow of life is to study God's Word - to dwell upon it and meditate upon it; to obey it and have it abide in us. We need biblical content and we need the Holy Spirit to give us illumination - to enlighten the eyes of our hearts. We need apprehension and appropriation. We need Spirit-filled and gifted teachers.

We need motivation - that is, we must have a desire to study, learn and appropriate God's Word. We need to see that it is relevant - that it relates to us and the world in which we live. There must be a sense of readiness to study and to turn to God's Word. This aspect will vary with each person. There have been times in my life when God created such conditions or circumstances that I could not get to the Word fast enough. God will do that. He will arrange our circumstances to cause this to happen. We all have different rates of growth - both physically and spiritually. That will be a factor in readiness. Readiness can be affected by other things - like not being yielded to the Holy Spirit or spending time in prayer as we study.

We can learn from the psalmists when it comes to the importance of prayer as it relates to the study of Word of God. In Psalm 119:36 - 37 the psalmist prayed, "Incline my heart to your testimonies and not to selfish gain! Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways." In Psalm 119:18, the psalmist prayed, "Open my eyes, that I may behold the wonderful things from Your law." We must pray for the type of commitment and seriousness in our study as expressed in Psalm 119:147, "I rise before dawn and cry for help; I wait for Your words."

We desperately need insight and understanding - the full knowledge of God. We are walking in a minefield. We need constant transformation to live in this harsh environment. We need God's Word. It is the answer to our cry for help. Here is the promise of Proverbs 2:3-5, (just one of many) "yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God."

So let us be about disillusioning illusion. Look to Christ - the Wisdom and Power of God and the Word of the cross.

"For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written, “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and the discernment of the discerning I will thwart.” Where is the one who is wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since, in the wisdom of God, the world did not know God through wisdom, it pleased God through the folly of what we preach to save those who believe. For Jews demand signs and Greeks seek wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men. For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 1:18-31.

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

Remembering, Realizing and Returning

Have you ever sensed that God was doing something in your life; but you were not quite sure what? That has been my experience this past year and especially in these last few weeks as I began this journal entitled "Amen Journey." I have been drawn back to the day I began this journey in order to look at the direction my life took from that moment forward. I have never really done that. I have usually just held on to the moment that I accepted God's gift of grace and this has been especially true during times of doubt. That could be important; but sometimes we need to move forward because there we may find a different story. We may need to do that so God can correct the course of our life and times of drifting. I remember in a study of Jeremiah years ago seeing how God worked to deal with the nation of Israel. He began by calling them to remember what their life with Him had been like; to realize where they were and what had happened to them; and to return to the place where they got off track or lost their way. We may have to do that if there is to be true repentance and correction. God had a fourth word for Israel. It was a warning that an end for this opportunity would come. God stated this truth in the form of a question. He says in Jeremiah 5:31 "but what will you do when the end comes?" I don't want to find that out. So I am "remembering," "realizing," and "returning." At this point, I don't really know where all this will lead. I do believe it will result in a closer walk with God and that it will result in making Jesus the focus of my life. For that reason, I will hold on to God's promise in Jeremiah 29:10-14.

These steps have caused me to think a lot about the gift of salvation that God gave me and how it has worked out in my life over the years. I am looking forward to God continuing to open the eyes of my heart and to fill it with the wonder of Jesus. He did this for Paul and left Paul with a burning desire to know Christ. In Philippians 3:8, Paul said, "Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord." Jesus invites us to do this. This raises some questions that have to be answered. (1) Do I want to know Christ for who He is? (2) Do I want Him to be the focus of my life? (3) Am I willing to live in a way that proves that this is what I want? Our pastor, Matt Chandler, expressed these thoughts this way concerning the invitation of Jesus. He said it was pretty simple the way Jesus put it. "Come live as I live...come, walk as I walk...come, follow me." Matt then said that we need to "figure out what that looks like...to get behind Him...to stop being a lot of admirers and be followers..." (October 16, 2005 - Rhythm: Part 4). The answer to understanding what that looks like is found in God's Word. If I want more of Jesus then I will have to go to God's Word, study and pray that the Holy Spirit will open the eyes of my heart. I will also need to answer these three questions "yes." So with God's help, I say "yes." Now I must trust God to direct my steps. Jeremiah gives the reason. "I know, O Lord, that the way of man is not in himself, that it is not in man who walks to direct his steps" (Jeremiah 10:23). I have been down that road. You will find a lot of things along the way; but you will not find Jesus. He will not be your life, your joy and your peace. He will not be your reason for living and you will never experience or show the surpassing worth of knowing Him.

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

Good And Faithful Servants - Gospel Messengers

1 Peter 1:3-12

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time...

Concerning this salvation, the prophets who prophesied about the grace that was to be yours searched and inquired carefully, inquiring what person or time the Spirit of Christ in them was indicating when he predicted the sufferings of Christ and the subsequent glories. It was revealed to them that they were serving not themselves but you, in the things that have now been announced to you through those who preached the good news to you by the Holy Spirit sent from heaven, things into which angels long to look."

I am thankful for godly messengers of the Good News. They do not serve themselves. They serve God and the ones to whom they speak. Godly messengers are those who preach the Good News by the Holy Spirit. If Christ is your Lord and Savior it is, in part, because of godly messengers of the Gospel who have been faithful in presenting the Word. Acts 26:17-18 records the Lord's words to Paul; but I believe they apply to all godly messengers:

"...I am sending you to open their eyes, so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me."

I am thankful that God calls and sends His messengers. It made an eternal difference to me that Sunday morning in August 1946 at First Baptist Church of Velasco Texas, when God used one of His messengers, J. R. Graves Darby, "to open my eyes so that I might turn from darkness to light, from the power of Satan to God to receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in Jesus Christ." My memory of that day and the part Bro. Darby had is limited to just a few moments. I wish I could remember more about that day. I wish I knew more about the man, Graves Darby. I have recently learned some things. I contacted the Conference of Texas Baptist Evangelist and received a reply from Bill Sky-Eagle, another faithful messenger of God. I first met him in the summer of 1970. He was part of a youth evangelism team at the time. I appreciate him taking time to do some research on Graves Darby and giving me permission to share that information. He describe his research with these words. "I was happy to do the research and have enjoyed learning about this man of God who was one of our faithful predecessors in vocational evangelism." I also have enjoyed learning about Graves Darby.

"J. R. Graves Darby, a blind Texas Baptist minster and evangelist, was born in Florence, Williamson County, Texas on November 29, 1890. He was the seventh of eight children born to John Oscar Darby and Emma Lee Gilliland. His younger brother, Ozelle Bennett Darby, was also blind. In 1910 the two brothers were students at the Texas State School for the Blind in Austin, Texas.

Graves Darby was a ministerial student at Baylor University in 1912. He was employed at Baylor at the time he registered for the draft. While living in Calvert, Robertson County, Texas, he was described as being tall, of medium build, with brown eyes and brown (balding) hair.

He and his wife, Alice L. Darby were married about 1917. In 1920 he and his wife lived in Madisonville, Texas where he was a Baptist minister. His wife was employed as a high school teacher. By 1930, they had moved to Cross Plains, Callahan County, Texas, where he was pastor of a Baptist church. Sometime before 1938, he and his wife moved to Waco, Texas, where they resided for the remainder of their lives.

An effective evangelist, Graves Darby conducted numerous revivals throughout Texas. As early as 1917-1918, he preached a revival at Henry Prairie Missionary Baptist Church in Robertson County, Texas. Between 1943-1946, he conducted other revivals that resulted in a number of baptisms. One of those revivals was at First Baptist Church of Conroe, Texas. The Amarillo Daily News for Saturday, October 26, 1940, carried this article, 'Blind Evangelist Begins Gospel Series at Local Church Sunday. A series of revival services, to run two weeks, through November 10, will begin Sunday morning at the San Jacinto Baptist Church, at Fifth and Caroline. Rev. Graves Darby, noted blind evangelist will do the preaching and Hooper Dilday will lead the music. This will be Rev. Darby's first meeting with that church. Mr. Dilday, who is educational director for First Baptist Church, Port Arthur, Texas, was reared in Amarillo.'

Bro. Darby's evangelistic ministry was especially effective in Galveston, Texas. The Galveston Daily News for Monday, October 10, 1938, mentioned, 'Rev. Graves Darby of Waco [will speak] at Broadway Baptist Church...' The Daily News for Saturday, December 12, 1942, says, 'Revival services at the Texas City Heights Baptist Church will continue tomorrow and through next week, conducted by Rev. Graves Darby of Waco, Texas.' The Daily News for Saturday, October 19, 1946, reported that he was again preaching in the city. The El Paso Herald-Post for Saturday, September 23, 1950, reported 'Rev. Graves Darby, evangelist of Waco and Harry Brooks of El Paso are leading the Immanuel Baptist Church [in revival].'

After many years of faithfully preaching the Good News of Jesus Christ, J. R. Graves Darby went to be with the Lord on February 4, 1962 in Waco, McLennan, Texas. Alice Darby followed him in death on December 30, 1977."

This is just a small record of Bro. Darby' ministry and life. During his years of ministry, it does not appear that he held back in his commitment to God. Graves Darby faithfully shared the Good News. Through Bro. Darby's preaching God open the eyes of many. Thank you Bro. Darby and all the countless faithful, godly messengers of the Good News. May we all be as faithful.

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

A Blind Evangelist And A Boy Who Needed To See

In 1 Corinthians 13:12 Paul wrote:

"12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known."

This verse has special meaning to me today as I think about a Sunday morning in August 1946. The memories of that day are like photographs - small glimpses of one of the greatest moments in my life. The First Baptist Church of Velasco, Texas was having "revival" services. It was the last service as I recall. I sat on the 10th row, left side. J. R. Graves Darby was the evangelist. He was blind; but that didn't seem to bother him. I can't recall his sermon that morning; but I do remember what happened at the end. It was during what we, as Baptist, call the "invitation" time - a time to make big decisions about your life like "accepting Jesus and being saved." They don't get any bigger than that. I think that the "invitation" period had gone on for awhile or that is how it seemed to me. No one had walked down the aisle. Bro. Darby stopped the singing. He took a coin out of his pocket and held it up. He said, "I will give this to anyone who will come down here and receive it. Do you believe that?" I was sitting next to the aisle and I had a quick route to him. I was thinking about taking him up on the offer; but then what would people think if I did that and what would I do next? Besides, embarrassing myself like that for a quarter, wasn't that appealing. I am not proud of the attitude I had that day. Sadly it did reflect the condition of my heart and how resistant I had become to God's call. These thoughts, though, were not what stopped me. Bro. Darby put the issue squarely in my face. It was like he looked right at me when he said, "This is like God's offer of salvation. He wants to give you Jesus as His gift. You just need to reach out in faith and receive Him." The weight of what I was feeling grew heavier in that moment. I still was resisting. I was thinking, "What am I going to do? He is not ending this." Suddenly a young girl ran to the front and took the coin from his hand. I thought, "I am going to make it past this moment after all." He talked to her and had her sit down on the front row. He told us that the girl had just accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior. I have to tell you something about her. She had a sad life. She had few friends. Kids constantly made fun of her - many of them to her face. They mistreated her. I felt sorry for her; but I never stop others from mistreating her. I guess I was afraid of what other kids might think of me or say. That weakness has always been lurking at the door steps of my life. I try, with God's help, to keep it contained; but it will surface from time to time. On one occasion I did take some action; but only through someone else. I had walked down to a friend's house. I saw this frail and frightened girl trapped on the roof of a shed. Some kids were throwing rocks at her. She was crying hysterically and pleading for them to stop. I have never seen such fear in a person's face. I ran to a neighbor's house to get help. The kids fled and the neighbors helped her down. That was just one of many abuses that she had to face. I am sorry that I was not a friend to her and for that, I have asked God to forgive me. It is in her memory that I write these words of thanks for the part she played in my life that day. I never told her "thank you." Bro. Darby didn't know anything about her. Though he was blind, I am sure he saw a young girl in need of the one true Friend, Jesus Christ. I know he saw her need for a Savior - something I was refusing to see in my own life. That Sunday morning as I watched her run to the front it was like God stabbed me in the heart. I had been thinking that this girl needed help and I didn't. She was hurting; but I wasn't. There I stood in nicely pressed clothes. I had loving parents. I had a good life or so I thought. Suddenly God let a nine year old boy feel the weight of sin and shame. In an instant God let me see Jesus in the words of John 3:16. I saw Him as my salvation. In one moment I couldn't see the condition of my life and the need for Jesus but in the next moment I could. I headed down the aisle and spoke the most important words I would ever speak, "I am trusting Christ to save me." That afternoon I was baptized along with about 10 of my friends. While I didn't know this at the time, it turned out that I would have many years to understand what this gift of grace meant to me; to learn what it meant to open up my heart to the richness of Christ.

For the young girl it was a different story. One day, years later, she took her life. To this day, I can't understand why a tragedy like that happened or why she had to endure so much. There are countless others like her. They suffer terribly. I will not question the love of God in any of this. Who am I to do that? I choose to believe truth such as that expressed by David in Psalm 34:18.

"18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."

and in Psalm 103:11

11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;

I don't know why God gave me all these years to learn what it means to be His child. I am glad He did. His grace is amazing - like using this young girl that day in August 1946 to reach out to me and give me Jesus. That was the day I got to see; but there were things I didn't get to see.

That has been true through out my life and journey with God. I began my journey with God by getting to see my need for Jesus and what it meant to believe. I thought that this new way of seeing would be the norm for my life because I was now a Christian. I didn't realize that for the Christian there would now be two ways of seeing - seeing with the eyes of the head and the eyes of the heart. I had not heard words like "seeing they do not see" (Matthew 13:13). I had never heard of the prayer of Paul asking that God open the eyes of our hearts to understand. I didn't understand the need to pray continually that God would give me a heart to know (Deuteronomy 29:2-4). I thought my ability to unlock God's Word would come through my own mental faculties and that it would naturally happen because I was a Christian. I would go for years without understanding otherwise. That did change; but not without struggle.

I see a lot of things differently now. I see that God's Word must go beyond the mind to the heart; that it must be received not just with our external senses but also with out spiritual senses (Ephesians 1:18); that God must teach us and make us understand His Word. I see now how desperately we need Him to cause our hearts to be inclined to His Word. I know now that without His continual supernatural work we cannot see the revelation of the glory of God in the face of Christ - the very purpose for which understanding of the Word is given.

Even after seeing these truths, I have not always listen to or studied the Word in dependence upon His supernatural help. It has only been in recent months that God has impressed this truth on me in a much deeper way. I have been blessed over the years to gain knowledge in the study of God's Word but too much of that knowledge never consistently penetrated my heart. I have struggled with this. At times I wanted to ask an unsaved person to read a passage so I could find out if they saw the same thing I did. I was never sure how to go about doing that; plus I knew the empty feeling that it would bring to me if our understanding were the same. I never had to do that because God took care of the matter. He brought me to the desert.

I want to share what that last desert experience was like and how God, on May 13, 2008, began to call me out - to let me see again the wonder and awe of my salvation - Jesus Christ and to see how deeply I am known and accepted by Him. I close this post by recommending that you read a quote from a blog site called "Of First Importance." (You can read the quote by "clicking" on the highlighted title just as you can read the Scripture verses by "clicking" on the highlighted verses; but then you probably knew that before I did.)

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

A Dog Named Rex & A Journey of Discovery

I recently came across a photo that I took in May 1950. I was sitting on the back steps of our home in Velasco, Texas. I was twelve years old. From those steps you could see our church house and the town's water tower. Guess what got my attention that day? It was Rex. I don't know if he was upset with me or just in deep thought (indulge me on this one). As a young boy, I would often sit on those steps. During the war years the steps served as my fighter plane in imaginary battles over Europe and the islands of the Pacific. As I grew older, I would sit on the steps and think about things that were happening in my life. The last time I sat on those steps was when I was 26 - November 22, 1963 to be exact - the day President Kennedy was shot. I had just finished a three year tour in the Air Force. I was thinking about the direction of my life - how it was all going to play out. This photograph brought back those memories. Now it is 45 years later. I find myself sitting on those steps again. Of course, not literally; but in my mind.

This past year has been a significant one. It was my first year of retirement. We moved to a totally new location, became members of a new church and I was 70. In the midst of all of that I was looking for God or that is how it seemed. I thought I was having to redefine my life. Actually it was God who was doing it. Several months ago, something began to happen in my life and in my walk with God. I can't fully explain it; but it was like I was on a journey of discovery - finding out things about my life and about what should matter most. This is what it began to look like. For a large part of my 70 years I have been absorbed with my own life - very reflective in my thinking - like what I feel about myself; and what God feels or thinks about me. Sixty two years ago God had given me the only thing I would ever need; the only thing that should have consumed my life, thoughts, emotions, and will. It was Jesus Christ; but over time it was like my understanding of Him was becoming a dream and not a reality - like I was the one holding on and struggling to make it real. I am afraid that this experience may be true for many. For some it is easier to stop struggling - just surrender - without pressing on and finding answers. I want to say more about this battle later.

For the last year, through searching, praying, pleading, the prayers of my wife, the words of our pastor, Matt Chandler, the words of Josh Patterson, the music of Michael Bleecker, all of The Village Church and the writings of men like John Piper, God has confronted me with this issue - making the Lord, as the psalmist says in Psalm 16:5, my chosen portion and cup. It is as if I have, in some way, returned to that day when, as a 9 year old boy, God's call finally penetrated my heart and I received His gift - His Son, Jesus Christ. I have this strong sense that I am getting to understand some things in ways that I have missed. Here is where it gets even more amazing. Several months ago I read some words by T. S. Eliot and by G. K. Chesterton.

"We shall not cease from exploration and the end of our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time." (T. S. Eliot)

"Every discovery is a sort of homecoming; and because every homecoming is a discovery, there is an element of delight and surprise in every instant of it." (G. K. Chesterton)

I thought, could this be what is happening to me. In this journey of discovery is God bringing me back to the place where I started that Sunday morning at age 9? I know this sounds strange. It is unlike anything I have ever experienced. I know you can't go back - or can you? Just to think that it may be possible, at this point in my life, to go back to the place where I started and know "the place for the first time" is too good to be true. Then I read these words from Jeremiah 29:10-14.

"For thus says the Lord: When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will visit you, and I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord..."

As I looked at the picture of my dog Rex and the calmness of my world on that spring-like day in 1950, it was sort of a homecoming for me; but nothing compared to coming home in a spiritual sense to the place that I thought had long since passed - a place with a future and a hope; a place where opportunities abounded; a place where I could find the Lord because He said I could. I see that happening. I am no longer sitting on the back steps. I am standing on the threshold. What will I do now? There is only one thing to do - call upon Him; seek Him with all my heart. Please pray that I will do that.

The picture from the back steps and a dog named Rex may not resonate with you as it did for me. God used those memories as a young boy and the powerful words of Jeremiah 29 as part of my journey of discovery. Each life is different. I pray that our life together becomes one of discovery of the vastness of the treasures of the divine life that is ours. I pray that God will use something in your life to cause you to return to the place you started and know it for the first time. I will pray that every discovery we make will become an experience of delight, surprise and wonder because of the One we will be discovering.

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”