The Trip Name for the Application is "Sudan III"

When I was first asked about going on the trip to Southern Sudan, I did not realize that I would have to complete an application. I received an email from Geoff Ashley on June 30, 2009 asking me if I what I had decided about the trip. That is when I learned about the application. Geoff said, "If you are interested go on and fill out the application ... The trip name is Sudan III."
Filling out an application is not a new thing for me. Over the years I have had my share. My wife and I had just completed a very detailed application required by our church in order to become home group leaders. I knew from that experience that there would be nothing simply about the application for the trip called "Sudan III." I was not disappointed.

When I looked at the mission trip application required by our church, I knew that I had a new problem. My first thought when I read over the application for the first time was that I would not be able to complete it in time. In fact it was already past time to submit the application. I was not sure what effect that would have. Filling out the application would require thought and I was not sure how much thought I could provide at that time. I had just about used up my thinking in making the decision to go. Of course, I was still thinking largely in terms of "me." I do have to say, though, that part of my concern was related to being sure this was what God wanted. I will address that aspect later; but, for now, I can just say that it did account for some of my concerns.

I knew that our church had a lot of mission trips; but I never realized what was involved in going on one of those trips. I quickly learned though that there was nothing casual about the process or the "vetting." Now that I had decided to go, I was not sure how things would work out once my application was considered. Initially, beyond putting my name in the application, I was at a loss as to how to properly fill it out. I am looking the application again as I write and remembering how blank my mind was the day that I first looked at the application.

The first thing staring me in the face was "Passport Information." Filling that part out would be easy because I didn't have a passport. I had know idea at that point how long it would take to get one or if I could get it in time for the purchase of tickets. There was a section in the application about ministry participation and then a whole page about medical information. I was in good health but I didn't know how my age would be weighed. I knew that I needed to talk to a doctor about the matter. I later did and his first reaction was, "We need to get you set up for a stress test right away." I guess health and age was a factor. It turned out that I had taken a stress test in February 2009 and had received great results. Health was a factor; but thankfully I was fine and as it turned out I never had any health problems while in Sudan or after my return.

Next was a section on my overseas experience and ability to speak foreign languages. That answer would be simple - "None." I had never been outside the United States and could not speak a foreign language. I didn't figure the Latin that I had studied in college would count. I would also be required to express in writing my personal testimony. I was given a page and a half to do that; but eventually only used half of page. I was not sure how a whole blank page would look. Another question was "How is God at work in your life now?" That caused some concern because of the struggle I was having about going on this trip. In looking back at the application, I had written a question that could have raised doubts. I had said, "Why after all these years have I been asked to be part of the presentation and teaching of the gospel to people on the other side of the world?" I haven't fully answered that because I am still learning, but even if I don't come up with a full answer, I am satisfied just to say, "Thank you, Lord. What a blessing." I am praying that it will be more than that and that one day I can fully see how God used this trip and time of teaching for His glory. I turned another page in the application, and it didn't get easier. "Tell us more about your passions, talents, work experiences, unique skills, cross cultural experiences and anything else that has shaped who you are." At that moment I knew that I wanted people to have a clear understanding of the gospel in terms of living because that is what I wanted. I thought, "Maybe I can answer that one." I skipped to the next series of questions - "What have been some of the defining moments of your life" and what "cross-cultural experiences have you had?" "What do you believe is the biblical purpose/goal of global missions?" "Why/how do you feel God is leading you in this trip overseas?" The questions just got deeper and deeper and I was pressed for time. By then I was feeling the pressure.

I guess that once again I was wanting an easy route and way through this. I knew that I was going to have to start thinking at a different level. I was also going to have to trusting God at a different level. I was starting to realize more and more that I really needed to turn to God in all of this. I also had a sense that maybe I had waited too late to do that. I was left with heavy weight on me. Had I sacrificed obedience for struggle and doubt? Had I listened to "Adam the First" too long? Had my delay really been retreat and had I crossed the line of going farther with God? Through out that day and evening I would try to fill out the application; but I drew an absolute blank on these questions. Guess what? I still had not quit trying in my own effort. I should have spent the day in prayer instead of trying to escape the reality that I would not be able to do this on my own. When I went to bed that evening, I did not sleep. I don't think I ever closed my eyes. I started praying; but even that was a struggle. I had decided to go but I could very well still sink the whole thing over the application. I am not sure what all God was letting me experience in this step of the process; but it was agonizing. What I needed the most at that time was to just give up on my own ability and admit that I couldn't do it without Him. Why has that been my struggle so much of my life?

I say I had decided to go on the trip, but I still had thoughts that maybe I wouldn't get to go. I also knew that God was not closing the door - yet. I was coming to the point of being troubled that after weeks of struggle, I might not get to go. I don't know if Josh Patterson, our Executive Pastor, was preparing me for that possibility. After I submitted the application, Josh told me that if it worked out for some reason that I couldn't go then maybe I could help the team in some other way.

After that sleepless night, I remember going to my desk at 5 AM the next morning and thinking "What am I going to do. It can't end like this." This was Thursday. The first meeting was on Sunday. I was far behind the curve. I had an early breakfast meeting with my friend, Dr. Steve Glaser. He and I lead a men's Bible study group and we were meeting to talk about that. Before I left home that morning, I sent Josh Patterson a note expressing some of the struggle I was having. Later, at breakfast, I told Dr. Steve Glaser, for the first time, about the trip and my concerns - especially about the physical aspects considering my age. We talked about a number of things concerning the trip; but one response he made that I won't ever forget was when he said, "Look at it this way. What is the worse that could happen to you?" I laughed and said, "That is one thing that I am thinking about." But I did begin to think about what he had just said in a much broader sense. I realized that the worse things that I had been thinking about included a bucket list of thoughts not worth pursuing and that the worse thing was not the worse thing. The worse thing would have been not to go. When I got home around 7:30 AM, a weight had started to lift. It was like the first ray of peace began to shine into my situation. I found that I had received a reply from Josh Patterson. His son had been sick and he was up at 5 AM that morning, as well, when my email came. He was able to reply immediately. With his response, my talk to Dr. Glaser and more talk with my wife, Betty, that morning, things began to come into focus.

For the first time I could actually do some clear thinking. They all had been encouraging me, in essence, to press forward in the Spirit's strength. Josh spoke in terms of putting off the old and putting on the new and of mortifying those things that were dragging me down and hindering a heart felt response. I recently asked Josh whether I should write about this struggle. The heart of his response echoed the words that he wrote to me the morning of July 9, 2009. He said, "I definitely think your writing needs to include the challenges to obedience and how this process exposed areas of your life. The vast majority of people who read this will identify with the struggle to obey and get to see how the Lord is faithful and gracious in it. They will see the process for what it is…a process. None of us are complete yet and certainly nobody is “finished”. So, we press on and see the love of the Lord and patience of His hand as He chisels and molds us into the image of His Son." For the first time on the morning of July 9, 2009 I had a peace that I had not had. The guilt that I was feeling over my struggle in the process began to lift. I knew that I had to take the baggage of fear, pride, concern about my reasons for going, physical concerns, financial concerns and get honest before God. I told Betty, I think, for the first time, at least in confidence and peace, that I wanted to go. It was becoming more and more a heart-work thing for me. I even felt that all I had been through was part of the process of preparation for the trip. I still had to pray, though, that I would not carry any unnecessary baggage with me. I am not referring to the 33 lbs limit on physical baggage that we were under. I immediately began to work on the application and within an hour it was completed. That in itself was a miracle. In fact, words were coming so fast that I had trouble typing fast enough. It was just one more gracious indicator that I was moving in the right direction. But the battle wasn't over. In fact, it will never be over this side of heaven. I was about to be reminded of that and those reminders would keep coming - not to drag me down - but to keep me heaven bound in my thinking - to keep me moving forward in dependence upon God. At times, though, I could still hear the call of "Adam the First." He never gives up.

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

An Encounter with "Adam the First"

I would like to be writing these words about the events leading up to the journey of a life time as Mr. Faith. Instead, my life for the next three or four weeks after Geoff Ashley first spoke to me about the trip to Southern Sudan, was one of struggle. As a rule, when it comes to making some decisions I will give the matter some thought. Sometimes this process can occur very quickly and at other times, it is a slower. The decision about going to Sudan was going to be one a more thought out decisions. I wanted to have a sense that this is what God wanted me to do. So far so good. It is good to have a sense of calling. It is good to "stand still" and make sure about the ground you are standing on. However, this approach is not without risks. The first problem was not turning immediately to God in prayer and opening my heart for Him to work. Instead, I began to focus my thoughts on me. Fear, pride, a sense of loss regarding the financial cost of the trip and ultimately a sense of inadequacy concerning my role in the teaching mission became the rule of the day. These and other things began to complicate the process.

Throughout my life I have had to fight against taking the more comfortable way. I have also tended to sell myself short - another battle that I fight from time to time. These self directed thoughts were starting to gain a foothold. They will do that if we are not alert. I realize now that I really didn't get started with God. But that is where God always starts and sooner or later that will have to be acknowledged.

It is strange that after all these years, I can still be naive when it comes to how God works in a person's life. I know that He can and will call you out. "Do you really mean what you are saying?" "You have just made some critical statements about your life. Do you mean that?" "Are you going to obey in faith or retreat in fear or concern for yourself?" "Are you going to go on this trip to Sudan out of fear or in dependence upon Me?" "Do you really want things to be different in your life?" Self has been my problem through out my Christian life. I don't think that is unique with me. But here I was on the threshold of a real breakthrough in my life and self was once again trying to rule and reign. I know that for some this matter of going to Southern Sudan would not have been a struggle. I know also that what is a struggle for one person may not be a struggle for someone else. Given the right set of facts, I don't think anyone is free from struggle - at least some areas. This decision that I faced was a struggle for me. The more I wrestled with it or tried to ignore it, the more of a struggle it became. There were a number of undercurrents at work. It took me a while to realize what they were and admit that they were at work. Much about all this became clearer in retrospect. One of the first undercurrents to gain a foothold related to my own ill defined zone of comfortable obedience. I never realized how tight my grip actually was on that aspects of my life. This was true even though I was wanting things to happen in my walk with God that went far beyond anything I could ever achieve through my own effort. I was wanting things far beyond any previous comfort level that had existed in my life. Yet here I was wanting God to give me so much more in terms of life with Him but I was reaching out with a closed hand. There can be so much subtly in and around our resolve unless God shines His light on your life. When that starts to happen, God will start revealing things in your life that you thought you had resolved. He can use a matter like the one that was confronting me over the trip to Sudan. I was going to have to decide how serious I was about my walk with God. It would not be an academic or theoretical decision. God had just cast all of this into a real life situation.

I have started reading John Bunyan's book, "The Pilgrim's Progress." I hate to confess that I have never read the book. I bought it to take with me on the trip to Africa; but never could find it amid the small amount of belongings that I was able to take with me. Strange. I went through my briefcase several times looking for it. I had all of those travel hours that I could have read it since I wasn't sleeping any; but I never found it until a few days ago. I found it among the things I had taken to Sudan. Stranger still. I started reading through the book and came to the part where the reader is introduced to "Faithful." There is a dialog between "Faithful" and "Christian" where "Faithful" speaks of meeting a man at the foot of the hill called "Difficulty." The "very aged man" asked if "Faithful" would be content to dwell with him. The "old man" said his name was "Adam the First." This sounded awfully like what was happening in my life. When I was confronted with the invitation to go to Southern Sudan, it was like I found myself standing at the foot of the hill, mentioned in Bunyan's story, called "Difficulty." "Adam the First" was bidding me to be content to dwell with him. But another one, not recognizable at first, the One for whom "Adam the First" was but a type, Jesus Christ, was also standing there gently urging me forward. While I heard nothing audible and was not even aware of this at the time, I know that I was being urged on. That has to be the reason I kept going. So there I was. Whose bidding would I follow? Whose voice would I heed?

I know now that the struggle I faced was not about going to Africa. The issue went much deeper. It is easy to focus on surface issues as I was doing; but beneath the surface there is always the spiritual. God is constantly calling us closer and closer to Himself - constantly confronting us with where we are and where He wants us to be. That is where I had, by earlier pronouncements, wanted to go. His call to continue the process toward maturity will take many forms. For me, it involved a teaching mission to Yei, Sudan. The real call was a call from self to Himself - to press on toward the high calling. When that call comes, you would think "I will be like "Faithful." "I will refuse to be inclined to hear the call of 'Adam the First.'" But we are all prone to listen to "Adam the First" and he knows exactly how to speak in a way that we will listen. I was listening. Figuratively speaking, he spoke the words he knew would get my attention and keep me from hearing, at least for a while, the voice of Christ. In a way I am sorry that all of this unfolded as it did; but because of God's mercy, I got to see something of His glory and grace as He chiseled away at the grip I had on my life - a pull that was keeping me earthbound and keeping me from the all sufficiency of His grace.

It is interesting to look at the thoughts that come during critical moments in our walk with God - thoughts aimed at keeping us earthbound in our journey. When Geoff Ashley spoke to me about the trip to Africa, I got a sinking feeling. I thought, "Why did I say anything to him about teaching?" At first, I tried to put the thought out of my mind; but a number of questions began to pop into my mind. "Why would I, as a 72 year old be asked to go on a trip like this?" "What could I do?" "Can't I better serve by helping others in other ways?" I almost made that statement to him; but kept silent. "What could happen to me physically?" "How could Betty and I financially afford to do this?" This was a big one. We had been making some financial plans and the $3000 to $4000 costs for this trip would go a long way in helping us meet those plans. The financial cost loomed large at that point especially since my work does not permit me to ask for financial help. On several occasions when I would mention the cost, Betty would say, "If this is what God wants for us the money doesn't matter." But truthfully, it was mattering to me and that bothered me. Again, in looking back, I realize that God had already been preparing her for this moment. Eventually God would work me through that issue to the point that I would not see it as a financial loss. I would see it as gain beyond anything financial.

I had other nagging concerns. There were all those statements I had made about wanting a new direction for my life. There were statements about not wanting to retire in my walk with God. I had said a number of times that I didn't want my life to become one of enjoying the place called "the comforts of my age." I was very bothered by the fact that all this "good resolve" could be just talk. In Bunyan's allegory there is always the possibility of being like "Talkative" - like those described in Matthew 23:3 as "They say, and do not" or "They preach, but do not practice." John Bunyan had this to say about those who are just talk:

How Talkative at first lifts up his plumes!
How bravely doth he speak! How he presumes
To drive down all before him! But so soon
As Faithful talks of heart-work, like the moon
That's past the full, into the wane he goes;
And so will all but he that heart-work knows.

Such talk can come from a true desire to walk and dwell deeply with God; but it can also proceed from pride or easily be left to the operation of the flesh or "Adam the First." I was leaning toward "wane he goes" and about to miss the experience of "heart-work." I know that was happening because I tried to put Geoff's question out of my mind rather than face the issues that it had raised in my life. I wasn't even trying to think it through or commit it to God. I thought, if I hear nothing else about this, then maybe I won't have to decide or maybe he wasn't really asking me. That seemed to be the course of things. I heard nothing else for several weeks. I began to relax. Then on June 30, 2009, Geoff sent me an email and asked me again about going. He said, "I was not sure how interested you were in the Sudan trip, but I just wanted to give you some details regardless. The dates are October 5-17th. If you are interested, go on and fill out the application. The trip name is Sudan III." So there it was - no escape. I had to decide.

I wasn't entirely sure how Betty would react if I decided to go; but, as I have said, she was way ahead of me. In fact, she was gently encouraging me to go. I am not sure what it would have been like had she not had this peace about it. I am glad that I didn't get to find out. As word got out to some about me being asked to go on the trip, they were encouraging me to go and talking about it as the experience of a lifetime. That was not helping me at the time. It was only making me more acutely aware of the struggle and how different talk and action can be. Guilt was knocking at the door. So here I was having just proclaimed that I wanted Jesus Christ to be my passion and priority. I wanted to treasure the sight of His glory by faith. I wanted a Holy Spirit led life of obedience. I said that I wanted His life to be a refreshing drink to my thirsty soul and that I wanted to live the essence of the gospel. I hate to think that my life could come down to just talk. This clearly left me with two choices. I could either go on the trip and move forward in my walk with God or I could retreat and forever lose, no doubt, what God had been preparing me for all these years. Just one more step; one more step. There actually was a third choice. I could go but for the wrong reasons. I could go out of fear. I could go to impress others that someone my age would do this. That troubled me even more. Too much was involved for me to go in that manner. Either way I decided, I knew it would involve surrender - either to fear or to trust - to self or to God. At that moment I was not sure how I would decide or maybe I did know, but I was not to the point where it would have been a willing, joyful surrender. I am thankful that this did come later, but at that point the battle was joined. What would my surrender look like? Would I move forward or retreat? Would I move forward in faith or fear? Would I decline to go because of fear or would I go because of fear? Would my concern for financial cost win the day? Stir into that mix a little pride in being asked to go and you have the makings of a mess. I did not want to deal with all of this; but now it was full blown.

It still bothers me now that I had these thoughts and that it got so out of hand; but I can't deny that is what happened. I would have much rather been "Faithful" and have jumped right in without any hesitation. It is obvious though that I had much to learn before that time came. I would much rather have been writing about an instant willingness to obey. Instead I was trying to live out a new version of the tale of Jonah. I knew there was some progress being made because as I got closer to deciding to go, I was convicted that if I went, it had to be for the right reasons. I was concerned that it would not be. I was concerned that it might be the same old fear response that had so often characterized my life. Regardless of what was happening or would happen, I just kept moving forward. That brought me to the mission trip application required by our church - something I had not expected. I just assumed that when I decided to go that would be it. Not so. There was the application. As Geoff said, "It is called Sudan III." By now the deadline for the application had passed.

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

What Does It Mean to be the Clay?

Part of the answer to the title question is that clay is to be molded in the potter's hand. It doesn't form itself. Scripture tells us that we are clay and God is the Potter. The same is true of us. There is a process that takes place through out our lifetime as children of our Heavenly Father. We are meant to be molded and shaped by His loving and gracious hands in to the image of Christ. He does just that. But unlike clay, in the clay of our humanity, we often resist and challenge the process of being transformed into that image. We often resist, sometimes in subtle and "acceptable" ways, God's call to be obedient and pliant vessels. I was about to find out in a very personal, but thankfully not a painful way, what it means to be the clay and not the potter.

On May 23, 2009 I posted the words contained in "I Went to the Woods." What I had written was too long so I decided to save the balance as part two. At least that was what I thought at the time. I believe now that God was going to let me face what I had written in a real life situation and begin to understand something of what that would mean in real life. In addition to those words, I had on a number of occasions made statements to my wife, Betty, to the effect that I did not want to "retire" when it came to my journey with God. I really felt that was an honest conviction about how I should live out my life in the "later" years as they are called. I had heard people say, "Well I have done my part. Now it is time for the younger folks." I really didn't want that to be true in my life. Words can just be words; but not with God. Sooner or later, I would be tested and stretched at this point.

We all face challenges when it comes to obedience and God has to expose areas in our lives - the rough places that require His attention as He shapes and molds us in to the image of Christ. I was about to find out that maybe I did enjoy a more comfortable role at this point in my life - that maybe my resolve was not as strong as I thought it was and that maybe until I was tested my convictions were not all that resolved. So in the writing that I had not posted, I was going to have to go beyond words. I had no idea that I had just written the prelude to what God was about to do in my life. I had just raised the issue - What does it mean to be the clay?

Within less than a month after I finished what would have been part two of "I Went to the Woods," Geoff Ashley, the Disciple Resource Pastor at our church, asked me a question that put the spotlight right on my heart. I think I had been walking in the shadows. In the course of an after dinner conversation on the evening of June 17, 2009, I had just made a statement about loving to teach. I was not expecting what followed when Geoff said, "Do you want to be part of a seven man team from The Village Church to travel to Yei, Sudan and teach a group of pastors?" As the football coach and commentator, John Madden would say, it was like "Bam!" In that moment I was being confronted with the fact that I did have a comfort zone. I had just been called out on my resolve. I had just been called out on the things I had written a few weeks earlier. This actually became clearer to me over the next few days. At first it was more of a sinking feeling. I wish I could say that I had been able to make the decision to go with great ease. I wish I could say that my initial reaction was one of thankfulness that I had been given an opportunity of a lifetime at this point in my life; and that I immediately said "Yes" out of a heart of gratitude and faith. That didn't happen immediately; but I did get to that point and that certainly is important. But, first, God had to do some things in my life. He had some work to do before I was ready. In looking back I have been disturbed about my hesitation but the more I have thought about it the more I have realized that even now, 63 years into my life as a Christian, God still is working in my life. That truth, in a greater sense, is refreshing. He hasn't put me on the shelf to gather dust. That is the kind of God He is - a loving and caring Father who wants more for His children than they often want for themselves. That can only be to His praise and glory. So, as regretful as I am in one sense that I didn't respond with immediate obedience, I am grateful that I can respond now with much gratitude for who He is and How He loves His struggling children. I had to write about this struggle and process that I was going to have to go through to reach the point where I was ready to say "Yes" with a heart of thankfulness. It is just one more example that we are moving toward the goal of the high calling and that we aren't there. It is exciting to know that God is not finished with you - that He is still molding and shaping - that you are still blessed to be clay in His hands and as the song goes - to realize that He doesn't throw the clay away. He lovingly and patiently walks you through the process of obedience as He chisels away from your life to bring you to completeness. I can say, as many can, that if you stay the course, it is, in a sense, like Isaiah wrote in Isaiah 29:17. "Is it not yet a very little while until Lebanon shall be turned into a fruitful field, and the fruitful field shall be regarded as a forest" and in Isaiah 29:19, "the meek shall obtain fresh joy in the Lord..." That is worth pushing ahead for - a fruitful field, a forest, and fresh joy. That is worth the experiencing the shaping hand of God.

As you read what would have been part two of "I Went to the Woods," you will see that I made a number of statements concerning my journey with God and what I desired for my life in the days ahead. I had previously dotted the roadside of my journey with statements to the effect that it was past my time to go on a mission trip to another country. I could, I guess, blame age for my hesitancy and struggle with the matter of going to Sudan; but I am not sure it would have been any different had I been 40 years younger. I have debated with myself about writing of this struggle; but then I decided to go ahead. I don't want to forget how gracious God has been in all of this as He patiently brought me through the issues and excuses that I raised. I really want to dwell on the fact that He did not let me miss something that I would have regretted the rest of my life. Just thinking about getting bogged down in the issues of comfort and the uncertainty that I perceived in such a trip makes me uneasy. I don't know how close I came to the line of retreating. I am not sure I want to know. I also want to talk about this struggle because I believe others struggle with similar issues - issues like trying to be obedient on their own terms. Our pastor, Matt Chandler, had just talked about how we can easily try to offer substitute forms of obedience that are more to our liking. I was reminded, too, in all of this struggle generated by Geoff Ashley's question that I was wanting to choose the classroom or setting for God's work in my life. I can't deny that I was trying to find a more comfortable form and path of obedience toward what God wanted for my life. I am thankful God didn't let that happen. I am thankful that Geoff was persistent and cared enough to not let the matter drop.

I know that we do not choose the classroom or setting for learning the lessons that God has for us even though our human nature says "Try." It doesn't matter how long you have been a Christian or how old you are. That truth doesn't change. To say we are God's children means more than a relationship. It means that because we are His children He continues to work with us as a loving Father even if we are His "elder" children. Philippians 2:12-13 remains true for our lifetime as a Christian. "Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure." This whole Sudan episode has been one of those working out moments.

I realize, now, that God had already chosen the classroom for me "to work in me, both to will and to work for his good pleasure." It would be in a church compound in a remote area of Africa called Yei, Sudan, helping teach the multifaceted, foundational aspects of the gospel (which I, too, desperately needed to understand) to a group of joyful, happy, God loving and worshiping brothers and sisters in Christ - learning from them and worshiping with them and seeing the gospel at work in their lives and seeing people living for God's glory even it meant suffering for them. It would be in the many hours spent studying and preparing for the talks that I would be giving and in the coming together of a team of dedicated young men and one guy nearly 40 years their senior. It would be in sitting on an airplane and in an airport for nearly 35 hours coming and going wondering what your 72 year old body was experiencing in all of that. It turned out even that part wasn't bad. You were in God's hands and as my friend, Dr. Steve Glaser said when I was trying to decide to go, "Just think. What is the worse that could happen to you?" It would be in the supportive praying and encouraging words of a loving wife who saw before I did the need for me to go to on this trip to Africa. It would be in me seeing how she would handle things in my absence and how she, too, grew from this experience. It would be in the days of struggle leading up to the decision to go in faith, not fear and in fighting against retreating and being flat out disobedient. It would be in learning the importance of being credible to yourself and others. It was learning, to use the words from a favorite movie of mine, that you don't "tuck tail and run." I have learned much up to this point; but I know there is more for me to learn. I don't want anything to be lost to memory or have the passage of time blur the details of this unbelievable journey - so I am trying to carefully record as much as I can - even the stuff that isn't all that complimentary.

To fully appreciate all that was about to happen, I have had to go back and read the words from the unpublished, "I Went to the Woods, Part 2." I know those words were used by God to set the stage for what was about to happen. Here is what I wrote and left unpublished on May 23, 2009:

I was privileged over the years to study God's Word and to pass the truth of God's Word on to others. That, however, did not always leave my heart full. Instead of taking my life deeper into the heart of God and bringing fresh communion with the Lord, those efforts, for the most part, were resulting in width - not depth. A little over two years ago when we moved to the North Texas area and became members of The Village Church, I found myself living in the shallows. I had retired after nearly 50 years of work (though I was still working some). I had just given up teaching, in our former church, a group of men and women who meant and still mean a great deal to me and my wife. That experience had been a real blessing to us. We would later realize that God had used that opportunity to prepare us for what He had for us here, as Paul said in Acts 17:26 in the "boundaries of our new dwelling" which He had "allotted to us." We just don't waltz around on our own. But even though we knew that God had brought us here and to The Village Church and even though we were under great teaching of the gospel, something was affecting the strength of grace in my life. With every passing day I was becoming more concerned about how I would finish the course of my journey. And then somethings began to happen in my life which in itself is another story. The path started to become clearer. The light started to shine a little brighter."As I write these words, I know that for me to go on and not live in mediocrity, the gospel had to somehow consume and dominate my life.

[Jerry Bridges and Bob Bevington expressed the important of this in their book, The Great Exchange. They wrote "Many believers view the gospel only as a message to be shared with unbelievers but not personally applicable to themselves anymore...We need the gospel as well. We need it to remind ourselves that our day-to-day standing with God is based on Christ's righteousness, not our performance. We need the gospel to motivate us to strive in our daily experience to be what we are in our standing before God. We need it to produce joy in our lives when we encounter the inevitable trials of living in a fallen and sin-cursed world."] [Discovered later as a result of preparing for this trip]

Jesus Christ has to be my passion and priority. I have to let Him define my life. I have to treasure the sight of His glory by faith. I have to have a Holy Spirit led life of obedience. Christ, through the Holy Spirit, has to stir up grace in me. The words of 2 Corinthians 3:18 has to become consistently true in my life. "And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit." My mind must be continually transformed. My vision of the glory of the Lord has to become clearer. And I have to find out how all this can happen. I realize that I have too much to live for and enjoy. I have a blessed marriage of shared dreams and hopes, a wonderful family and friends. I am in good health. I have a great place to worship and learn. On the list could go. I want my life to be one of gratitude. I know for this to happen that the light of faith must grow brighter and I must live in light of the truth expressed by Paul in Philippians 3:9. "...and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—" This truth is going to have to dominate my life. But I am apprehensive. I am not sure what all this will mean or in what direction God will take my life. Maybe I am concerned about whether I can meet the tests.

I know that I have been held captive much of my lifetime as a Christian by efforts to live in a righteousness of my own. I know that must change if I am to go on. I didn't wish that for my life. The words Paul wrote in Philippians 3:7-11 are very familiar to me. I know that in those words there is freedom to live. But what lies on the other side of those words causes me concern. I don't know what this desire will mean for me. Am I ready for this to happen? Am I sufficient for that kind of living? Where will this take me?

I left the baptismal services in August 1946 following the public statement of my faith in Christ and embarked on a journey that so many in my time would take. For years to come, the gospel served as my entry point into salvation. My understanding of the gospel was that it was primarily for the unsaved. [I had yet not read the words from "The Great Exchange" quoted above when I was writing this]. That left me beginning the journey with an understanding that the Christian life was one of trying to live a good life.

I have discovered that this approach to the Christian life will express itself in basically one or two ways. There will either be loathing of self because you can't live up to the standards or there will be pride because you think you have lived up to the standards. In that world, whether you are smug or crushed depends on how high the standards are set. I heard about religious living - about what to do and not to do. I never heard about the on-going importance and relevance of the gospel to my life as a Christian. I have heard about this truth in the last two and half years. But until then I never paid attention to the fact that much of the preaching of the gospel in Scripture was to the saved. That would, hopefully, have told me something. In what have been a life long approach to my new life in Christ, I came down most of the time on the side of being crushed and having a gut wrenching sense that I could never consistently measure up. I constantly battled fears of uncertainty. They still rise up at times in different ways than about my salvation. The thoughts of God's wrath were terrifying at times. As a result of this limited view or understanding, I was constantly asking God to "restore the joy of my salvation."

I have struggled greatly at times with understanding my acceptance by God but during the last few years something started happening in my life. Once I became clear about the correct order of the new birth and faith and began to face the realities of God's sovereignty in my salvation, I was able to think more and more about the awesome nature of Christ's death on the cross and what He did. I believe that the more I can focus on what Christ did on His cross and for whose glory He did it the more my perspective will change - the stronger I will grow - the more assured my steps will be. I am seeing evidence of that and I know I have a long way to go. I have got to learn, with God's help, to stand on the ground of Christ death on the cross in its true meaning. Yet, even now, I know that the truth of all that happened on the cross must still grip my life even more and I have to clearly see what and Who is mine by faith.

I am ready for Christ's life to be a continuous, ever increasing refreshing drink to my thirsty soul. I want to experience in a new and deeper way what it means to live on the basis of seeing Him crucified, exalted and glorified. I just don't know at this point how that is going to happen.

As I write these words today, I realize that God did know and in order to unfold all that in my life, He had to bring me to a very critical point in my journey. But as of May 23, 2009 or even up to the evening of June 17, 2009 and maybe for several weeks after that, I didn't have a clue how God was dealing with my life. I knew I had been shaken. I know that I had not faced up, as I should have, to the fact that He would work in my life on His terms and in His way. In fact I was so focused on me that I could not really see God in any of this at first. That explains a lot when it comes to the struggle that followed after Geoff Ashley asked me, "Do you want to go to Yei, Sudan?" At that point, my mind just froze on that question. In all that followed, God was about to give me a graceful reminder that I am the clay and He is the Potter. For that I am thankful because I would just make a mess of things.

Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Jerry Bridges & Bob Bevington, The Great Exchange, Crossway Books, 2007, p26.

An Amazing Journey

It has been nearly five months since the last post. I do not yet understand all that has happened in my life since then. The journey just got incredible. I began the last post with these words,

"I went to the woods because I wanted to see if I could not learn what life had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."

Little did I know what I was about to encounter - especially in view of the concluding words of that post:

"For the next series of posts, I want to explore what happened to my life and why it happened. I believe, for me, it will prove to be a time of on-going discovery and understanding - sort of a re-constructing of my life in light of the gospel. What I write today may have to be revised tomorrow. That probability is part of the journey. Ultimately, I am expecting to experience a total re-arrangement of my life - a clarifying of understanding when it comes to real living - gospel centered living. It will be a quest to understand the gospel and grow deeper in that understanding. I want the results expressed in Colossians 1:5-6, to be true of my life. "...Of this you have heard before in the word of the truth, the gospel, which has come to you, as indeed in the whole world it is bearing fruit and growing—as it also does among you, since the day you heard it and understood the grace of God in truth,..."

I was expecting to experience a total re-arranging of my life concerning what gospel centered living meant; but I had no idea what God was about to do in my life as part of that re-arranging. Within a little more than a month after I wrote these words, I found myself preparing for a journey of a lifetime - an experience that would take my journey with God deeper than anything I have ever experienced. So for however long it takes, I will be writing about that journey and seeking to understand all that God has given me and will give me in that experience. I will give you a hint. It has to do with Africa and a physical journey of nearly 20,000 miles; but a spiritual journey that I hope has no end this side of heaven. It began with doubt and fear and ended with a renewed faith beyond anything I could have imagined. When I began that last post and spoke of not wanting to come to the end of my life and discover that I had not lived, I had no idea what God was going to do. I had no idea of the classroom God had prepared for me. I soon found out it would go far beyond just an academic exercise.

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

I Went To The Woods

Some years ago I read these words by Henry David Thoreau:

"I went to the woods because I wanted to see if I could not learn what life had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."

I love the woods. I guess growing up on the Gulf Coast made me appreciate the woods even more. We lived for a period of time in a rural area surrounded by woods. I could look out the study window and see the woods in the background. One day I was fortunate enough to have my camera. It turned out this picture would be a reminder of what once was; but no longer exists. Hurricane Rita cleared the trees shown in the picture.

I first discovered the words of Thoreau while looking at this scene - of course, the deer were not always there. Most of the time they were. My thoughts often go back to the woods that surrounded our home on the hill. Today it caused me to think of Thoreau's words. I have been trying to understand my life in terms of my relationship to God through Christ. In the past two years I have had to make a number of adjustments in my thinking and understanding about what this new life means and how it is to be lived. I never dreamed that this would be happening to me at my age; but I am thankful that God has allowed to take this journey of discovery. It is like I have been given a new framework for living. It is like the number of pixels of a camera have been increased. As a result, images of understanding have become sharper. The key that has opened yet another door in my life has been the result of a fresh understanding that new life in Christ is basically one of living out the gospel. This has been a major discovery for me. Before that, I just saw the gospel as the entry point for my salvation - not something that was meant to engulf my life - not something that was meant to continually be a point of reckoning.

I often wonder how many people have or will discover, too late, perhaps, that they have not lived. I am convinced that many Christians will find that this has been true in their life. For those who care, I hope it will not be too late for them to do something about it. Many Christians may not recognize that they are living, at this very moment, a life that is empty and without real meaning. Some may; but they don't know what to do about it. They may know something is wrong; but they may not be clear about the problem. Their life can be just too cluttered with other things - with substitutes. They are just going through the motions - doing church. For them new life in Christ is a matter of religious performance. It is only an outward reality. Their life is one of trying to be a good person - trying to live up to moral standards that may be self imposed or imposed by others. They "go to church." They study God's Word and may even teach His Word. Some may wonder from time to time whether there is more to this "new" life. They may wonder what happened following their "experience" with Christ. The gospel came into their lives and they trusted Christ. And yet one day a person like this may say, "I thought I was really living the Christian life; but I haven't lived at all." I know from experience - this can happen. Why is that? What happens to people (not all people; but many)? Why do Christians settle for substitutes that leave them without deep reverence, repentance, and worship or concern for God's glory?

Conditions like these may explain why there is a growing emphasis on helping Christians feel better about themselves. Many Christians can recite Paul's great affirmation found in Philippians 1:21, "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain." Yet, these words, which express the reason for our being and the very essence of our new life in Christ, are just words. I am sad to say that for much of my life, those were words that I could recite and talk about; but they were not always words in my heart. I want to understand what happened and how I got off track. This has required, once again, that I go back to the summer of 1946 when I came to Christ in faith and retrace my steps from that point forward. What I have discovered so far has left me with both disappointment and gratitude. I am disappointed because I did not understand sooner the meaning and importance of gospel centered living. On the other hand, I am grateful that God, in His grace, is giving me the opportunity at this juncture in life, not only to understand what that kind of living means but also to allow me to start living that kind of life - experiencing the encouragement of Christ's presence and glory - beholding His glory and experiencing its transforming power by faith. I have already learned that my mind must be continually filled with thoughts of Christ. I must continually find delight in Him and pleasure in Him. I must identify the things that will hinder me in doing that and then seek, with His help, to deal with those hindrances. I realize that it sounds like I want to walk around with my head in the clouds; but that is far from the truth in terms of what God wants and what will happen when that is the characteristic of my life. I will be living out the gospel. At this point, I have no idea where all of this will lead in terms of my obedience to Him and that leaves me somewhat apprehensive. Yet that apprehensiveness is overshadowed by a greater concern for how I finish the journey.

For the next series of posts, I want to explore what happened to my life and why it happened. I believe, for me, it will prove to be a time of on-going discovery and understanding - sort of a re-constructing of my life in light of the gospel. What I write today may have to be revised tomorrow. That probability is part of the journey. Ultimately, I am expecting to experience a total re-arrangement of my life - a clarifying of understanding when it comes to real living - gospel centered living. It will be a quest to understand the gospel and grow deeper in that understanding. I want the results expressed in Colossians 1:5-6, to be true of my life. "...Of this you have heard before in the word of the truth, the gospel, which has come to you, as indeed in the whole world it is bearing fruit and growing—as it also does among you, since the day you heard it and understood the grace of God in truth,..."

I know for certain that from "the day I first heard it (the gospel) and understood the grace of God in truth" that it has been bearing fruit and growing in my life. I was not always aware that this is what was happening. One reason that I know this has been true is because of what is happening in my life. Without the gospel having taken root in my life, I would not be here today. I would not be seeking to understand it more and more. I am not sure where I would be; but I would not be on this journey.

In the last few weeks God has given me a picture of what this part of the journey will be like. I recently got a pair of progressive type glasses. The bifocal lens has been replaced with a progressive type vision. It has required some adjustment because I am having to learn to look at things through lens that are quite different. It is working; although, I had my doubts. The new lens for me in this journey will be gospel lens. It has already resulted in a time of adjustment and in a different view of things. I like this idea of progressing - especially at this point of my life.

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

The Trial of Faith (Part 2)

One of the most critical sources of evidence in our judicial system for determining identity or family relationships is obtained through DNA testing. DNA is the abbreviated name for a nucleic acid found in humans and most other organisms. The scientific name is deoxyribonucleic acid. The letters "DNA" are much simpler; but that is about as simplistic as it gets for non experts. It is a very complex aspect of biological science and even more complex is DNA testing. Over the years DNA testing has been recognized in our judicial system as a reliable and relevant source of evidence, that is, provided strict standards are met for testing.

In the trial of faith called for in 2 Corinthians 13:5 to determine the presence of Christ in our life or whether we are born of God, Scripture provides another source of evidence. It results from what could be called spiritual DNA testing. This testing will reveal certain clear cut, definite characteristics in one born of God.

If we are born of God, according to several key verses in 1 John, certain birth traits will be evident. We first need to identify the traits. Then comes the matter of comparison or a Holy Spirit aided introspection to determine the presence of these characteristics in one's life. In a sense this evidence is like scientific evidence - it has an objective nature. Even so, it can involve difficulties when we seek to apply it. That difficulty is caused by several factors. One major cause for the difficulty is abnormal spiritual growth.

There are several traits listed; but the first one that I want to note is found in 1 John 3:9. John says, "No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God's seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God. " John is talking about persisting in habitual and continual sin. From the very outset, there will be questions about this trait. Some may wonder how much of a Christian's life can be controlled by sin and that person still be born of God? That question actually raises a more serious question. Why would a person want to know that when the presence of sin, and certainly significant sin, is not in any way an acceptable characteristic of a Christian's life. Yet some walk very close to the edge in that respect. It will help to realize, too, that John is not describing a state of sinless perfection. He is describing the results of God's nature abiding in us - the presence of the divine life which, like a seed, grows and which will have a definite impact on one's life when it comes to the kind of life that is lived. This growth may be affected temporarily; but if there is no growth, then there is no divine life. The divine nature will cause a child of God to hate sin and love righteousness. It will give one born of God the desire and will to do God's will. The source of this desire, according to Philippians 2:13, is God.

As we look at our life and these traits in light of being born of God, we may see some serious issues concerning our sanctification. If so, that should be a wake up call. The seed is meant to grow. This aspect of identifying our spiritual roots, like all of the evidence will require a thorough understanding of and practice of progressive sanctification. There we will learn that while we are never free from sin, we never give up - we press on with the assurance that our identity with the One who lives in us will become more and more manifest. We strive. We pursue and continually go for more. We experience the tension that is within us. We stop playing games with the salvation God has granted to us. This will be true as to the remaining traits noted by John.

In 1 John 4:7-8, he says, "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love." There is a certain kind of love that can only originate from God. It reflects God's essential nature. It is produced by the Holy Spirit in the life of one born of God and one who is yielded to the Holy Spirit. It is the love reflected in 1 Corinthians 13. This characteristic of spiritual birth is expressed in the sense of continuous action. It is meant to be an on-going characteristic or trait.

A third trait is expressed in 1 John 5:4- 5. "For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?" A strong trait in one born of God is a continuous, unshakable faith that Jesus is the Son of God. This is more than mental assent. True faith works and involves transformation and repentance. The statement of John is both deep and broad. It means, for one thing, that Jesus is the focus of our life. It means that the gospel is more than the entry point for our conversion. Our life is gospel centered. We have a gospel centered view of life. It is the day-to-day controlling factor in our life because it is through the gospel that we see, by means of the inner witness of the Holy Spirit, "the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus." Paul speaks of this in 2 Corinthians 4:4-6. He calls this the gospel of the glory of Christ which encompasses all that the gospel is. This steady focus is the bedrock foundation for an overcoming faith. If the evidence of that trait is weak then the problem can be found in how much dominance the gospel has in our day to day life. It also may be true that we are relying on the wrong testimony. Certain witnesses are not true or reliable witnesses. John says in 1 John 5:6-11 "...And the Spirit is the one who testifies, because the Spirit is the truth. For there are three that testify: the Spirit and the water and the blood; and these three agree. If we receive the testimony of men, the testimony of God is greater, for this is the testimony of God that he has borne concerning his Son. Whoever believes in the Son of God has the testimony in himself. Whoever does not believe God has made him a liar, because he has not believed in the testimony that God has borne concerning his Son. And this is the testimony, that God gave us eternal life, and this life is in his Son." This trait of overcoming faith is not the faith exercised at the point of conversion. It is faith that is present now. That means the gospel should be driving our life moment by moment.

There is another factor that can have impact on recognizing these birth traits. In order to recognize this evidence we have to know something. John gives us this clue in 1 John 2:29. "If you know that he is righteous, you may be sure that everyone who practices righteousness has been born of him." He is speaking here of Jesus. The first knowing opens the door to the second knowing which is by means of experience. The more we know the first, the more we can know in the latter sense. This was a driving force behind Paul's statements in Philippians. This takes discovery of a family likeness to a much deeper level. John speaks of this in 1 John 3:1. "...The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him." In fact the natural mind actively works to suppress that knowledge and in so doing deprives itself of what it desperately needs. But for the one born of God, the light of the gospel has shone and enlightened our darkened minds so we may behold His glory. We need to let that light shine brightly. We need that if we are going to discover the critical traits of family likeness. We need this is we want to experience the life given to us through faith in Jesus Christ. We need this if we are going to be able to look into His Word - our true source of discovery - and see Jesus. Only that seeing will let us see the traits of one born of God. Just as DNA testing is one of comparison - so is spiritual DNA. Paul describes this process of discovery in the awesome words of 2 Corinthians 3:18. "And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit." Only as we behold His glory will the traits of family likeness be manifested.

If we want to find the evidence to successful conclude the trial of faith we need to look to Jesus or as the writer of Hebrews 12:1-2, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." Back up a chapter and take a good look at those witnesses and you will see how strong their spiritual birth traits were. The reason - they were strong in the faith and they were strong in the faith because of the One to whom they looked.

A trial should hopefully end with a verdict. Sometimes the fact finder, if it is a jury, cannot reach a decision and the judge must declare a mistrial. If the fact finder is a judge, inability to reach a verdict is not an option. A decision must be reached even though it may require more evidence. For the trial of faith, a decision has to be reached. It may involve seeking and developing stronger evidence. If you are of the faith, there is a way. Look to Jesus, pursue Him with the assurance expressed in 1 Thessalonians 5:23 "Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ." Pursue Jesus with all diligence or as Peter says in 2 Peter 1:10 "Therefore, brothers and sisters, be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall."

For some the evidence may be lacking - not because of abnormal spiritual growth but because that person has never been born of God. Some may have given external signs of conversion but have eventually fallen away. For some Matthew 7:21-23 may be an ever present frightening thought. If you are experiencing a sense of worry or fear or if the verdict is not favorable, seek help. Maybe you are experiencing a season of darkness and cannot hear the Lord's voice or experience a sense of His love and presence. Continue to seek Him in prayer, weeping, reading and hearing His Word. In "The Glory of Christ," John Owen said, "Faith continually seeks him and thinks of him, for in this way Christ lives in us...But we experience the power of his life in us only as our thoughts are filled with him and we continually delight in him. If, therefore, we would behold the glory of Christ, we must be filled with thoughts of Christ and his glory on all occasions and at all times. This is the mark of a true Christian...Let that glory so fill our hearts with love, admiration, adoration and praise of him that our souls will be transformed into his image." Finally, I would encourage you as I encourage myself, read and re-read the high priestly prayer of Christ in John 17. Faith ebbs and flows. There are degrees; but the object of our faith, Jesus Christ, does not. We may struggle at times to know if we are born of God. Not so with the Lord. 2 Timothy 2:19 "But God's firm foundation stands, bearing this seal: “The Lord knows those who are his..." Over the course of my life I have, at times, walked in seasons of darkness to the point of despair. I pressed on, realizing later that the Lord was pulling me. At times I pushed the trial too far and too long. It became my effort unaided by the Holy Spirit. The verdict would not come and I fell deeper into despair. I finally came to realize that while we should pursue the trial of faith with all diligence, we must do so carefully. We can lose sight of the purpose and forget there is a life to be lived by faith. We can let our own mind and heart dominate us in that pursuit. Our eyes and heart can become closed to His Word. John Piper, in his book, "When Darkness Will Not Lift," says, in effect, that introspection can become self-absorption and small mindedness. It may start out as introspection aided by the Holy Spirit; but it can, instead, be introspection of our own making. He says we "need to embrace a vision of life that is far greater than our present concerns." Pursue the trial of faith. If we find our hearts faint and starving, we need to repent and never stop trusting in the gospel. Then get on with living the faith that we have been freely given with knowledge, as stated in Philippians 1:6, that the Lord will complete what He started.

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

The Trial of Faith (Part 1)

In the field of law, evidence is essential in proving whether something is true. Rules of evidence exist to assure that fact finders base decisions on the most credible and reliable evidence. In a sense, the same is true when it comes to the higher call in 2 Corinthians 13:5 to test and examine to see if we are in the faith. We need reliable and credible evidence and an authoritative rule to know what evidence is admissible. That rule is the Bible.

In 2 Corinthians 13:5 Paul writes, "Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test!" In this trial, God's Word must be our standard. Any other standard or source is both faulty and foolish. Many, however, turn to themselves, others and traditions as the source of authority. They pursue human reasoning. The result of that pursuit will be dangerously flawed and can be eternally damning. Many people just avoid the process. It may seem too challenging. Maybe the question, "Will I be proven authentic?" is too unnerving and maybe there is a concern about being honest before God. The gravest risk, though, is not to "examine, test and realize." It is equally as risky to engage in this trial and not base the process on the Word of God.

Before examining the evidence recognized by the Bible as reliable and relevant, there are several questions we have to ask ourselves in light of 2 Corinthians 13:5. First, who is supposed to conduct the trial? There are always people who would love to do that with your life. But Paul is very emphatic at this point. He literally says, "You, yourself examine, test and realize." This trial is the primary responsibility of each individual for their own life.

Second, we need to know something about the procedures that are involved. We find guidance in this passage. The first step, Paul says, is to "examine." That word means to look for specific proof. It is a word that has the idea of optimism. You don't go at this in a negative way. Good things will come from this examination. Next he says "test yourselves." The word "test" speaks of an objective evaluation centered around a central issue. I have seen many trials where there is a lack of understanding of the issues. Without that understanding you will wander aimlessly and the discovery of truth will be an illusive endeavor. One critical part of legal training involves learning how to determine the issue or issues. Paul says that is important in this trial. Finally, Paul says there is something we need to realize about ourselves. That brings us to the real, central issue - realizing, based on what is true, whether you are in the faith, that is, whether Christ is in you. What Paul is describing is a picture of what takes place in our own judicial system. You determine who has jurisdiction to conduct the trial. You follow the correct procedure. You discover the evidence and determine what evidence is valid or admissible based on an authoritative rule. You present that evidence and a conclusion is reached based upon that evidence. In the trial of faith, the conclusion or realization that we seek is expressed in the question asked in verse 5, "Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you." The realization called for in this trial involves a growing awareness that Christ is in you. This ties us directly to the process of and importance of sanctification. For many there may be an arrested awareness. It is easy to have a lack of or a retarded growth of that awareness and there are many reasons for this. If this is part of our discovery, then we need to take steps to deal with it immediately.

Third, we must determine what evidence is valid when it comes to the trial of faith. What evidence is admissible in the trial to determine if we are in the faith and if Christ dwells in us? If you are in the faith and Christ dwells in you, you can start this process with the assurance that there will some evidence supporting that fact. If I am a Christian - that is, one in whom Christ dwells or one born of God then there will be evidence of that fact. You may have to reject alot of so-called evidence in the process of getting to the real evidence. Certain things may have to be ruled inadmissible. That will be good because of the result that can be achieved. You may find that the evidence has grown dim and become muddled. As you begin to place your life up against the Word of God and allow God's Spirit to reveal things in your life, you may also be confronted with the need to repent. We may have to deal with this need at every turn because of how muddled our lives have become or how neglectful we have been in the matter of progressive sanctification or growth to maturity. We may find it painful to ask, "Can I see Jesus in my life?" Can I see a transformation taking place? What ever it takes, though, know this - it will be worth the pain to ask serious questions and take stock of where we are in our spiritual journey.

Fourth, there will be witnesses that can be called in this trial. Again, we want reliable and credible witnesses. What are reliable witnesses according to Scripture? I will be brief in this; but I would challenge you, as I challenge myself, to keep looking in God's Word for these witnesses and sources of evidence.

There is the witness of the Spirit - an inner testimony. Romans 8:16 says "The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God..." I have struggled at this point - that is as long as I have struggled with the source of my faith. Once it became clear to me that faith followed the new birth, it became easier to listen to the witness of the Spirit. My mind was freed of an unnecessary burden or battle about how I got saved. I have also struggled because I have not fully understood the scope and might of God's forgiveness. Paul speaks of this in 2 Corinthians 7:10. "For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death." You cannot think or function properly if your life is weighed down with regret. God's forgiveness is so deep and complete that there is no need to fret with forgiving ourselves. With the Spirit's help and the power of grace, we need to understand and accept the completeness of God's forgiveness. Unconfessed sin will affect the witness of the Spirit. According to Ephesians 4:30, He is grieved and this grief will weigh you down. However, when the witness of the Spirit has been released, we also find the inner witness of peace through our Lord Jesus Christ. Paul says in Romans 5:1 "Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ." There comes a sense that the war has ended and God's justice has been satisfied. You start to see, in a clearer way, your righteousness in Christ. You begin to experience a deepening reality of the truth expressed in Philippians 3:12. "Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own." I realize, at this point, that I am doing more than mentioning evidence. It is really a two-fold point that I am trying to make - find the evidence and then make the evidence stronger. Paul says as much in this passage - "There is more, press on." There should also be evidence in terms of a desire and thirst to hear God speak. 1 Peter 2:2 says, "Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation—" There is also the matter of evidence seen in the driving force of one's life. What do we want the most? In Philippians 3:8, Paul says, "Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ." I have to say again, that, within each of us, these witnesses, if present, may only be faintly heard. That will have a lot to do with the extent of our growth into Christlikeness or our sanctification.

In "The Trial of Faith (Part 2)" we will consider the evidence of birth traits in those born of God. We will be looking at something akin to DNA results that aid in determining family relationships. However, this will be DNA of a spiritual nature. There is a condition when it comes to considering evidence of spiritual birth traits. In order to recognize this evidence we have to know something. We will consider that condition in part 2 of "The Trial of Faith." The trial of faith is not an ordinary or simple endeavor. It is one that demands utmost seriousness and effort. But behind this trial is an awesome promise. It is found in Colossians 1:27 where Paul says, "To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of the mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory." Paul says that this is God's promise to the saints. Announce ready for trial. Gain a growing awareness of Christ in you - not just ideas or knowledge about Christ that you may have, but CHRIST IN YOU - for real through faith.

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

Are You Of The Faith?

Over the last few weeks, I have looked at my life in light of the question "Why Did I Come to Jesus Christ in Faith?" I have really struggled with the thought that I had, in someway, initiated salvation by my own will. That idea hung like a dark cloud over my life. It was a cloud that continued to grow darker. The more I considered the verses about the unsaved person's spiritual deadness the more concern I had with the idea that I could have initiated faith. I wanted assurance that the door that was unlocked actually led to salvation and not to some imagined version. The words "I never knew you" kept haunting me. It was only when I came to understand that it was God who initiated everything in my life leading up to and including my act of faith and repentance that I found meaning and peace in what happened in my life that summer of 1946. I have found no other door through which I could enter and find peace other than the door that was unlocked by the sovereign act of God.

Up until recently most of my effort toward understanding was like a search and destroy mission. Finally it became a search and discovery mission. I have been both aided and challenged in this effort by something Paul said in 2 Corinthians 13:5. "Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test!" There is a lot in that verse that I would like to explore - and one day I hope I can. At this point, I just want to "examine" and "test" so that I can more fully realize this about myself - that Jesus Christ is in me and not only realize it but come to the point of consistently living in the reality of that great truth. Life is full of tests and much to my regret, I have not always met those tests. The test called for in this passage is one that I must not only pursue but actually meet. It is not that I haven't tried to test and examine my life over the years concerning my salvation, it is the fact that this effort has been more of a hit or miss endeavor - mostly miss. It was always from a wrong premise or framework. In the last few months, I decided to give it another go. I was concerned that I was just about to give up. I really don't think it was my decision other than to take the step God placed before me. Even then, I won't claim the credit. I know God was working in my life. He was doing that in a number of ways. One was through the prayers and encouragement of my wife. She knew how I was struggling. I also owe a great deal to those whom I have encountered at The Village Church. God has used their ministry and messages to help me escape from the murky waters that had engulfed my life. I believe that He is still using that ministry in ways that I have not fully realized.

The first stage of this examination dealt with the all important question of why I came to Jesus Christ in faith. I can't began to express what it has meant to be able to finally look at my salvation in the correct light of God's sovereignty and not through the lens of free will - that God had left some degree of will within me that, with proper stimulus, would enable me to receive His gift and that He chose me on the basis of knowing how I would respond. I believe in the important role of free will but, until recently, never fully understood that it first required God's work of regeneration. Until then, I was spiritually dead and could act only in keeping with that deadness.

When I found this long sought relief I almost stopped examining and testing - that is until I decided to look a little closer at Paul's statement in 2 Corinthians 13:5. It was then that realized I needed to go farther. I needed to take a specific course of action that involved several things. You not only have to look at how the journey started, you have to consider how the journey has progressed. For me that will involve digging through a lot of rubble. When I walked through the magnificent doorway of salvation into newness of life at age nine, I immediately became immersed in a sea of religion - of doing church - of trying to meet certain moral standards. I grew up in an environment that considered moral conformity and busyness "at church" as the essence of salvation. Going to church, being active in church and trying "to measure up" fairly well summed up my life for a long, long time. As a result I don't think that I have ever fully realized the awesome truth expressed by Paul - "Jesus Christ is in you." I don't think I will this side of heaven; but I know there is room for more understanding right now.

Regrettably my life became one of self effort. Only by God's grace am I here and able to write about this or even want to have more in my life when it comes to Christ. For many years, I knew very little about the role of the Holy Spirit or the critical importance of prayer. I just extended the idea that many have about how you get saved to how you live your life once that happens. That thinking became the basis for living the Christian life. It was all about me and my efforts - not Christ, what He had done and why He had done it. It was also all about repeatedly failing to measure up. The gospel became just an entry point rather than my life. I focused more on the life than the Giver of that life. I think I lived in an environment that got caught up in something described by John Piper in his book "God is the Gospel." He said "From the first sin in the Garden of Eden to the final judgment of the great white throne, human beings will continue to embrace the love of God as the gift of everything but himself." He points out that there are ten thousand gifts that flow from the love of God and then he says, "but none of these gifts will lead to final joy if they have not first led to God." Because of that, I know that part of the process of which Paul speaks will be not only be to examine and test but also to assure continued realization of the truth - "Jesus Christ is in you." That means my focus must be Christ-centered and not man-centered. That means I must pursue Christ and that I must live and breathe the gospel.

What I want in all of this is something Paul speaks of in 1 Corinthians 1:8. "Who will sustain you to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ." The word "sustain" in some translations read "confirm." It seems like a two edged sword. It speaks of a confirmed destiny and being sustained to reach the destiny of standing guiltless before Him. I want to live each day in light of an absolute, rock solid, sovereign guarantee of my future. I want to experience His sustaining power. What hope do I have that this will be true? There are basically two reasons. The first is "Christ in me." The second is expressed in 1 Corinthians 1:9. "God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord." And why do I want to test, examine and realize? It is because of the thought expressed by Paul at the end of 2 Corinthians 13:5 - "...unless indeed you fail to meet the test!" But here is the beauty of the process called for by Paul. Even though that result is possible, you undertake this process not from the standpoint of failing; but with fearless assurance of proving you are in the faith.

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

How Amazing is Grace

I have written quite a lot about faith; but without grace there would not be faith. It is well to remember words like these written by Charles Spurgeon. "Be careful that you don't fall into error by fixing your mind so much upon faith - which is the channel of salvation - that you forget God's grace, which is the fountain and source of even faith itself. Remember that. Faith is the work of God's grace within us...We are saved 'through faith' but salvation is 'by grace.' Grace is the fountain and the stream...Never make an idol of your faith...New life is found by looking to Jesus, not in looking to your faith." Grace kept us for salvation. It brought us to salvation. It brought us salvation. It envelopes our life, sustains our life, carries us forward and in the words of John Newton in the great hymn, "Amazing Grace," grace will lead us home. But grace is not just past, present and future. It is eternal. In Ephesians 2:6-7 Paul says "God...raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus." By grace we are strengthened. Hebrews 13:9, "Do not be led away by diverse and strange teachings, for it is good for the heart to be strengthened by grace, not by foods, which have not benefited those devoted to them." 2 Timothy 2:1, "You then, my child, be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus." It is all sufficient and all powerful. 2 Corinthians 12:9, "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." It flows from the God of all grace. 1 Peter 5:10, "And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you." It is beyond description and comprehension. It is truly amazing. This is captured in the video that I want to share. It is one more song for the "Amen Journey."





“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

Songs for the Journey

Some months ago I added a music player to the blog. A friend told me about it and some how I managed to overcome technical deficiencies and was to add the player. It took several attempts to get the version I wanted. At first, I think I was just intrigued with it as a gadget. As I began to look for songs to include in the play list, my thoughts starting changing about why I wanted to include the music player and music. That eventually led to a change in the title for the music player. I think it went from "Music Player" to "Songs for the Journey." I wanted to add the dimension of music and singing to what I was trying to say in words. I came across the words of a poem that my college choir director often quoted. It was one of his favorites and it reflected his love for music - especially choral music. It explains, in a way, why I wanted to add the music.

For the common things of every day, God gave us speech in the common way; For the higher things we think and feel, God gave the poets words to reveal; But for heights no tongue or pen can reach, God gave us music—the soul's own speech.

I know that words alone can not express all that I want to say. So along the way of this "Amen Journey" I will include, in addition to the play list selections, other thoughts in song that may help reach a little deeper into our souls. I have tried to do that in the selection of songs; although this is a work in progress.

I have been writing about the matter of my salvation. There are a number of songs that express my "soul's own speech" when it comes to salvation and the greatness of that gift. I have chosen "A Sinner Saved By Grace" by the Gaither Vocal Band. This song is a type of benediction to the series of posts about why I came to Jesus Christ in faith. From my stand point and those who have experienced God's gift of salvation, it really comes down to that one word - GRACE. In this song the writer affirms an awesome truth. "I am a sinner saved by grace. Loved and forgiven; back with the living; all because He (Jesus) took my place." That was true of me in the summer of 1946. It is still true - all because of that place - the cross of Calvary.