Why Did I Come To Jesus Christ in Faith? (Part 2)

This is a picture of one of the natural lakes in New Hampshire. I can remember thinking, as I looked across the lake to the trees and mountains, "God did this." Today as I look at the picture and recall the beauty of God's creation, I have another thought. I am aware that, by the will of God, all of creation has been subjected to futility and is under the bondage of decay as the result of Adam's sin. But I know that is just a momentary thing. There is an ultimate reality. One day, God's creation will be set free from this bondage. There will be a renewed creation - greater than the first. As I write this post, I am thinking, though, more about God's ultimate creation - man. There are no words to describe this creation. I am thinking, too, about something that casts a dark shadow over this wonder - mankind is under God's wrath. We are all born into a state of sin and death and we face the punishment reserved for Satan and his angels. Yet behind this deep shadow is the brilliant light of an awesome truth. It is expressed in Romans 5:8-11. "(B)ut God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation."

Ephesians 2:8 explains how this blood bought salvation and reconciliation can become the reality of our life. "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God." In John 3:16, Jesus said, "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." Over the last year, I have looked closely at that time in my life when, as a nine year old boy, I turned to Jesus in faith. I have been more intense about this in the last few weeks. Why did I come to Jesus in faith? These efforts have been bolstered by the words of 2 Corinthians 13:5. "Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test!" While Paul was dealing with persistent wrong behavior in the lives of some to whom he wrote, he also expressed a need for all who profess to be Christians. It is proper and important for us to ask at times if we are true Christians. Are we putting on a front? Are we in the faith? Is there any evidence that Jesus Christ lives in us? I want to address these questions in more detail later; but first I want to know why am I in the faith. Was I drawn by God and the power of His Word or by other means? If it was by any other means or for any other reason, then the foundation upon which I am resting my eternal destiny is false. It is sand. If I came to Jesus by any other power, I really never came to Him. I have struggled over the years because I have not been able to be clear about this. I have been haunted by the words in Matthew 7:23 that Jesus will speak to many, "Depart from Me, I never knew you." I have pursued this question because I want to be assured (and put to rest any question to the contrary) that the war is over. I want to know that I am no longer under the wrath of God because God does not intend for Christians to live as if they are still under His wrath. I want to live in peace in my relationship to God. This goes to the heart of the issue raised by Paul. My salvation must be true according to Scripture. I want to make sure that it is and that Romans 5:1 is true in my life. "Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ."

So, as a nine year old boy, why did I believe the Gospel? I need to preface what I have discovered and am discovering by some of the things I strongly believe about salvation. Some of these beliefs are long standing. There are some things I am now understanding with greater clarity and conviction. I believe in the Biblical doctrines of the sovereignty of God and human responsibility. I believe that both must be kept in balance. We must have a strong view of God's sovereignty. It must not be one that is imbalanced and unbiblical. I believe we have a responsibility to present the Gospel to all mankind and offer Christ to the world. We do not know who will be saved. Only God knows. I believe that the Gospel calls all sinners to repentance and faith and that it calls for a response. I believe that response, though, is preceded by the hearing of the Word and the work of the Holy Spirit in our hearts. I believe that everyone who comes to Christ will be saved. I also strongly believe in truth like that expressed in John 6:37 where Jesus says, "All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out. " I believe that the presentation of the Word and the offer of Christ must be done with intensity - even to the point of imploring. In 2 Corinthians 5:20, Paul said, "Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God." We are to stand with conviction and intensity in Christ's stead and plead to lost mankind. In other words, evangelism and missions are essential responsibilities for all Christians toward mankind. The presentation of the Gospel must not be supplanted by a message of election and reprobation nor entangled in debate. Efforts to understand the validity of our salvation must not become one of introspection to know if we are one of God's elect. I have struggle in my life at that point; but God brought me out of that assurance killing endeavor. Finally, as a preface to what I have discovered and am discovering, I do not ascribe to any teaching that minimizes this truth: Salvation is of the Lord.

I have considered a number of explanations about the moment of salvation in a person's life. It is not my purpose in this writing to delve too deeply into these doctrines and "isms." I just want to nail down some basics. When it comes to how a person is saved and how we should present the offer of salvation there are a number of ideas floating around. Some speak of "leading a person to Christ." People are told that they need to ask "Jesus to come their heart." Some are asked, "Do you want to go to heaven?" That will certainly attract some people - especially children. A series of questions have been formulated that people are called upon to answer and then they are asked to pray "the sinner's prayer." I have even heard people say things like "You should accept Jesus as your Savior so He will not have died in vain." I have seen efforts to use human wisdom and persuasion in place of the power of the Gospel and the work of the Holy Spirit. Today it is popular in some circles to hold up the possibility of riches and wealth to those who "turn to Jesus." If any of those things are necessary, then I missed the gift. None of that happened to me. To assure that I did not miss God's gift and ended up with some human version of the gift, I have gone back in my thoughts to the summer of 1946 and have asked God to help me understand what happened during those critical weeks of my life. Through the years, God has enabled me to retain several very vivid memories of those days when I experienced the power of the Gospel in my life. It has been only recently that I have, with God's help, been able to look at those memories and understand their significance in light of Scripture.

From the time I was about 4 or 5, I can remember spending a lot of time in our church building attending various services and activities. I was involved in Sunday School and Vacation Bible School. I heard stories about Jesus and other stories from the Bible. I was very familiar with the words of Jesus in John 3:16. By the time I was nine I knew the facts about Jesus dying on the cross for my sins and about His resurrection on the third day. I had heard about believing in Jesus. One of the first significant things I remember during the summer of 1946 is the occasion when someone spoke to me about my personal salvation. It made an impression on me. The impression was that I did not want to be bothered. One day during those summer months of 1946 I was sitting on the floor behind the sales counter in my parents' store. I can't remember why. Maybe God just sat me down because of what I was about to hear. I can still see my mother looking down at me and asking, "Do you think it is time you thought about believing in Jesus and being saved?" That was all she said. She never mentioned it again. My response was silence. I don't know all that was going on in my life at that time concerning salvation; but those words, I believe now, were more than just a mother's words of concern to her son. I believe that was part of God's call to me as a lost sinner. On the Sunday I went to the altar of our church, there was no pressure placed on me. There was a deep concern expressed by the evangelist about a person's need for God's gift of salvation. I am sure God was using those words in my life. At the front, when I stood before the pastor, he did not ask me to pray the "sinner's prayer." I just told the pastor, that I was trusting Jesus for my salvation. By then deep burdens had already been lifted from my life. By then I realized that I was a sinner. That was the second significant thing that God did in my life. He let me see my sinfulness and sin in my life in a way that made me ashamed. I also felt terrible guilt. It happened just after my mother spoke to me about salvation. I never forgot what I did. Until these last few days I never understood the significance of what happened. I was sitting in a little tent that I had built in the backyard of my parent's home. It had repeatedly collapsed on me that day. Suddenly, for no reason apparent to me at the time, I began to curse using God's name. It wasn't just one time. I repeated that curse word several times. I had never heard the words "God" and "damn" spoken together. It was not just a word that I was speaking - a byword. I knew that it reflected a view of God that I never realized I had or could have. That terrified me. Until that moment, I had seen nothing sinful about my life. One moment there wasn't a problem. There wasn't any concern about sin or being sinful. But as soon as those words stopped flowing from my mouth, I knew. I became painfully aware of my sinfulness. I had a sense of doom that I have never forgotten. The third significant thing that happened was that in those moments the awareness of my need for Jesus as my Lord and Savior began to change. In fact in those early moments of what I now realize was the power of the Gospel working in my life through God's Holy Spirit, my view of sin and the sinfulness of my life dramatically changed. I felt a tremendous weight of what I now understand was the wrath of God. I was almost to the point of despair because I had cursed God's holy name. I realize now that I was coming alive to the realities of the deadness of my life and my bondage to sin. It wasn't just cursing that was being evidenced in my life. The fourth thing that happened was even further revealing about my sinfulness. I begin to resist God. I was resisting and fighting Him; but I was also trying to change on my own. I guess, at first, my human nature was saying, "You can still pull this off." The fifth thing that happened was when I realized I was powerless. I could not do one thing to change what I had done or what I was or how I degraded God. No human told me that. God did in His Word. I am not sure when God began His call of mercy and grace in my life. It was like Jesus described in John 3:7, "The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.” The wind grew in intensity to the point that there was only one thing I could do - turn to Jesus Christ in repentance and faith. I know that I did. The question I am finally able to ask is why did I do that. I don't know that you can ask that question if you have doubts. Maybe that is why it has taken me so long. I am looking forward to being able to express what I have discovered in the next post entitled, "Why Did I Come to Jesus Christ in Faith? (Part 3).

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

Why Did I Come To Jesus Christ In Faith? (Part 1)

Note: Please remember that the Scripture can be viewed in a separate window by placing the "glove" or "hand" over the reference.

For a long time it was never clear in my mind why, as a 9 year old boy, I believed in Jesus. Was it because a human being convinced me that was what I needed to do? What part did my will or the will of man have in my salvation? Over time there were more questions; but I basically just accepted the traditional views about salvation without ever having a clear understanding about why I believed. Regrettably, most of what I understood was a mixture of different teachings, opinions and inferences of others. I realize now that a lot of those ideas did not square with the plain statements of Scripture. They didn't seem to start with Scripture.

I am thankful that in the midst of my "amen journey" of discovery and some deep spiritual struggles that I have experienced this past year, God has caused me to ask this question and seek answers. As a result I have gained new and fresh understanding about my salvation. It is not new truth; but it is new, clear and personal to me. One of the most welcomed things that happened was being able to separate the exercise of faith in Jesus Christ from the act of openly expressing that faith during the invitation time of our church that Sunday morning in 1946. Some time before that open expression, I began to see Jesus and the truth of my "salvation verse," John 3:16 in a totally different way. I have not been able to express that difference adequately until just recently. It has been only after God continually confronted me with 2 Corinthians 4:6. I know now that God, at a critical moment in time, spoke these words into my life: “Let light shine out of darkness.” That sovereign and supernatural act brought "the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ" to my heart. In that moment a number of awesome things happened in my life, one of which was that I went from just knowing facts about Jesus to seeing for the first time something of His beauty, loveliness and worth - in other words, His glory. I would not have used these words then to describe that time in my life - mainly because I didn't have the understanding that I now have. In retrospect, they do describe what I felt and thought. As I recall those days and moments leading up to my public declaration, I realized something had noticeably changed in my thinking about Jesus and His words in John 3:16. I also began to experience a battle like I had never known. I mentioned this in an earlier post. It would mark the beginning of a life long warfare that is the lot of every Christian. Much of the battle has centered on the matter of my salvation and acceptance by God. It has been a battle that I have run from; but no longer. This "amen journey" is, in essence, a counter-offensive and with God's help His victory will be my victory. The battle has already been fought and won. I just haven't lived from that perspective.

I also understand now that what I saw in that salvation moment was just meant to be the beginning. I missed the fact that my whole life was to become one of constantly seeing in a deeper and deeper way the beauty, loveliness and worth of Jesus - that Jesus was supposed to become the devotion of my life; that I was to see and live upon the basis of His total sufficiency for my life; and that I was supposed to see Him through the eyes of faith. I know there were times that I did see Him in this way. I just did not fully understood the significance of what I was seeing and why it was so critical to the purpose of my new life in Christ - to know and enjoy the glory of God; and to make the most of Him in all things. Much of this struggle has been directly related to the fact that I did not have a clear, personal understanding that Jesus alone is the Lord of my salvation. Had that been true, I would not have wasted years living on the basis of the weakness of human understanding and explanations. I would not have been so earth bound when it came to the source of faith and the exercise of faith. I would have experienced the truth of 2 Corinthians 3:18 in a totally different way.

This journey of discovery has been a gift from God. So have the messages that I have heard over the last year and a half at The Village Church - messages that have caused me to focus on the beauty, worth and value of Jesus and the need to press hard after Him. I have learned some awesome things about God's sovereignty - especially as it relates to salvation. I am beginning to understand in a much clearer and personal way why God has accepted me. Over the years I have been beaten down as I have focused on "my worth" and on the validity of "my faith." I should have focused on the person of Jesus, His righteousness and worth and upon Him as the Lord of my salvation.

As I began to think about the question expressed in the title of this post I had intended to get right to the point. I was not sure why my focus turned to Jesus; but then I should have known especially after I read these words by Jonathan Edwards. He said, "This sense of the beauty of Christ is the beginning of true saving faith in the life of a true convert." My first question was "How can this be?" I then came to realize that the answer lies in the source of the new sense and awareness of the beauty of Christ. It means something dramatically happened in my life - like the truth of 2 Corinthians 4:6. As I reflect upon what is now happening in my life, it is like a door has been opened. It is also like there are a number of doors waiting to be opened and I am not sure which one the Lord will open. One that has been opened has led me into a room of thought where I have found reason to rejoice in God alone when it comes to my salvation. Here I have found an answer to the question of why I came to Jesus in faith. It is here that I have finally been able to deal with the issue of human cooperation in salvation. It is a room devoid of a lot of ideas that held sway in my life that clouded the truth that "salvation is of the Lord" and things that kept me from experiencing peace, assurance and security. I pray that I will be able to explain in more specifics what I have I discovered for my life that has finally brought a large measure of peace, assurance and security to my soul.

An Interlude in the Journey

I wanted to point out a new feature in the Amen Journey blog. I am not sure what I am doing other than following directions (hopefully). RefTagger has been added. It is a new web tool that will cause Bible text references to pop up in a small window. Just hover the mouse arrow over the reference and the text will appear. In the lower left corner you will find the words "more." Click on that and it will take you to an expanded version of the text. In the left column of the blog there is a section entitled "Logos.com." It will let you select the Bible version that you want to see when the text pops up. Click on "Save" after you have selected the version. It is supposed to work. Like I say I am not a whiz when it comes to working with scripts. Hopefully it will help to be able to reference the text or a larger view of Scripture using RefTagger. I am including a link for further reading. Just click on the word RefTagger. Here is a sample verse: 2 Corinthians 4:4-6.

I am working on a new post entitled, "Why Did I Believe in Jesus Christ?" I have gone back to the time I first believed and asked "Why." I am not questioning that I did; but I really want to look at what happened and why it happened. If you are reading this, I would appreciate your prayers.

We Have An Altar

Hebrews 13:10:

"We have an altar from which those who serve the tent have no right to eat. (ESV)"

I have been thinking about altars these last few days. Betty and I are volunteers in an altar prayer ministry at our church. The altar of our church consists of the platform steps at the front of the room in which our services are held. At the end of each service, people are invited to come there to meet with our pastors for prayer or just to talk. Some remain seated and pray during those times while others depart quietly. Our worship leader sings in a Spirit led way. I don't mention this to make a judgment about "altar calls" or to promote one method over another. I mention it and what follows to relate something that has happened in my life and how the "altar call" affected me.

I grew up in a church that had altar calls. This took place during what we called the "invitation time." I responded to one of those altar calls and it had a long lasting impact on my life. Through the years I associated my response to the altar call as the moment I received God's gift of salvation - Jesus Christ. I have described that moment and my understanding of it in the posts of August 26 and September 2, 2008. For me, and perhaps others, this moment of going to the front during the invitation came to represent the moment I got saved. I had heard the verse in Matthew 10:32-33 where Jesus says, "So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven, but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven." In my mind that was linked inseparably to my response of faith. Over the years my focus has been on that moment. That has led to great struggle in my life. Responding to the altar call became the point for measuring the validity of my salvation. As time past, I would think, "Why did I go to the front?" Was it to please my parents? Did I just respond to the call of man in a man made moment or was it a response to the call of God and the exercise of faith that He had given me? I can't begin to tell you how this has troubled me. On October 8, 2008, God did something in my life that I will never forget. He helped me separate this altar event from the moment I responded to His call. I have come to see that the two responses were totally separate. That meant I could have had a 1000 reasons for going to the front of the church that Sunday in August 1946 and it would have had nothing to do with my salvation. I probably did go because of my parents and to put their minds at ease. I did go because I wanted to acknowledge Jesus and I wanted to follow Him in baptism. I wanted to acknowledge Him before men. My problem was that all of this got blended into one moment. I now realize more clearly than I ever have that what really mattered had already happened in my heart. That is what gave meaning to my public acknowledgment of Christ and His gift of salvation. It gave meaning to my response to the altar call rather than the altar call giving meaning or validity to my salvation. To be able to roll the clock back beyond the altar call response and see, for the first time, that God had already done something in my heart, has been one of the most liberating moments of my life. I don't know why it took so long to see this and, as a result, get rid of self imposed baggage that God never intended for me to carry. But then, part my "Amen Journey" was to experience something I mentioned earlier - to arrive at the place where I started and know it for the first time and find that every discovery is a sort of homecoming; and because every homecoming is a discovery, I could experience delight and surprise in every instant of it. (A Dog Named Rex - A Journey of Discovery, August 28, 2008).

I said at the outset that these comments were not meant to be critical of altar calls. As I have said, I am not judging methods or promoting methods. I am just talking about what happened to me. Based on my own experience, I believe great care should be exercised in using altar calls and in helping people understand what is involved. Great care should be exercised to protect a person's response of faith. Coming forward in response to an altar call can be so associated with the act of faith that confusion can result. A person can be led to think that a public act is part of the salvation process. Public decisions are not reliable as means of verifying conversion. The fruit of the Holy Spirit is. The real cause of conversion - the work of the Holy Spirit - can be overshadowed. That work will happen whether there is an altar call or not. Overemphasis of the public response can eclipse that truth. Failing to emphasize the distinctiveness of the two events can lead to confusion. Having said that, I do believe there is a place for altar calls. It is appropriate to invite people to a place and time to pray, a place to deal with spiritual battles, burdens, questions, a place to deal with broken hearts, a place to talk with a pastor and seek help about the state of one's soul and a place to call upon the Lord. Even the playing of music or singing has its place. It is still a time of worship. I am thankful for having had the opportunity to respond to an altar call. I regret that this initial experience produced such confusion in my life. I am thankful that God has now removed that confusion. I am thankful that our church as well as others provide such a quiet place to kneel and speak to God. I am thankful for altar ministers who are there for those who come seeking help and direction. I am thankful that there is a commitment to avoid the possibility of confusion when it comes to the most important moment of all - the moment of salvation. But most of all, I am thankful that we have an altar call from God that goes beyond a call to a physical altar. It is a call to a greater altar.

Hebrews 13:10 says, "We have an altar from which those who serve the tent have no right to eat." The context for this statement is important. The writer had just said, "It is good for our hearts to be strengthened (nourished) by grace - to be immersed in a sea of grace." Elsewhere the Bible says that this will not happen to the soul that is unbowed before God. Humility attracts the tremendous weight of grace. The source of that life giving, strengthening grace comes from the altar - the cross from which we are nourished and sustained by nothing less than the life of Christ. One writer says that "Christ must become our constant meal - our food, our drink, our life. " God's altar call continues in terms of our response to the truth, "We have an altar..."

Hebrews 13:13-16: "Therefore let us go to him outside the camp and bear the reproach he endured. For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come. Through him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name. Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God."

The response of those who have received God's gift of grace: First, we must make much of Christ in our life. We must seek and see His glory. Second, we must give ourselves in the service of Christ and others. I have struggled for many years because I was unable to disentangle God's effectual call from the altar call of man. Now because of God's work in my life in giving me a clearer vision at this point, I choose this as my response:

Psalm 43:4 "Then I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy, and I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God."

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

I Didn't Know That

"But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen. " 2 Peter 3:18

The year - 1943. The occasion - first grade and the first day of school. The unhappy look - my picture was being taken. I was not dressed up for a picture; but parents see things like that differently. We were living in the small Gulf coast community of Velasco Heights. It consisted of two roads, some houses and one or two small stores. Our community was bounded on one side by acres of salt grass and rattlesnakes (the forbidden zone) and on the other side by Dow Chemical. The house we lived in had two rooms - a small kitchen and a large bedroom/living room. Two of my uncles built the house for us. My dad built my bed. It was a square box that fit under the large bed and was designed to slide out when I needed it for a bed. One day we got a couch that was supposed to open into a bed; but it never did as I recall. I am not sure I slept on the couch. I guess I thought it would fold up on me.

My memories of the first day of school consist of this scene and the walk home. The bus let us out on the highway and then we had to walk. Fights would break out. That would be a common occurrence. We had a lot of dirt clod fights. I still have a scar on my head from a flying clod. Miraculously we all survived. When I look at this picture, I am reminded that this was the beginning of getting to learn alot of new things. I had my "Big Chief" notebook and I was ready. The title for this posting reminded me of this picture and that day. In the years that followed, I could say, "I didn't know that" about a lot of things. At this point in my life, I am thankful that I can say "I didn't know that" because it means I am still learning and that I want to learn. I have believed for a long time that the moment I ever thought I knew everything or enough, that would be the moment I stopped learning.

It is interesting, when you allow God to examine your life, what He will use to remind you of issues in your life. For me it was this little phrase - "I didn't know that." In the last few years of my Dad's life when he would discover something new, he would often say, "I didn't know that" . Now anytime Betty or I learn or hear of something new, we find ourselves saying, "I didn't know that." That causes us to smile because it brings back fond memories. Recently those words have brought into focus some things that I wish had not been descriptive of my walk with God. In returning to the place where I started that walk, I have had to look closely at the direction my life and what defined my life over the years. I struggled in my walk with God. In the early years it stemmed directly from what I didn't know. I later gained knowledge through studying God's Word; but, as I have mentioned before, much of that never got beyond my mind to my heart. There were moments when it did or I wouldn't be writing this journal or longing for a deeper walk with God and a greater passion for Jesus.

In 2 Corinthians 4:6, Paul said, "For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ." I know this happened to me. I wish I had discovered this verse and others like it sooner in my life. Sadly, though, it would be years before that happened. It wasn't just this truth either. "I didn't know that" covered a large part of my life when it came to my relationship and fellowship with God. Over the years, I did gain knowledge from the study of God's Word; but at the level of my heart, "I didn't know that" remained true about a lot of things.

What I didn't know has caused much of my walk with God to be more man-centered than God-centered. My life consisted a great deal in what I did for God or what I should be doing for God. I could sum up the early years of my Christian life with a check list found on church offering envelopes - "attending church; studying the lesson; bringing my Bible to church; giving and staying for the preaching service." As I grew older the list included work in the church. I also felt that I needed to develop certain rules consisting of things I could do and things I shouldn't do. None of these things were necessarily bad. The problem - they were not meant to define the eternal life promised in verses like John 3:16. God had allowed the light to shine out of darkness in my life for basically one thing - to magnify His glory and His presence in the face of Jesus Christ. That should have been the direction of my life and the defining, motivating principle of my life.

So here I am, at age 71, trying to properly define my life in Christ and my purpose for living. What I am seeing is that over the years I did get some things right but I got a lot wrong. In this process, familiar verses have taken on new meaning. In Luke 11:2 Jesus expressed the answer in terms of our prayer life - "Father, hallowed be your name." Everything in our life should have God as its focus and direction - even our prayers. 1 Peter 3:18 says, "For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit..." As believers all that we are and do should point to God and should bring us to God in our daily experiences. 2 Corinthians 4:4 says "In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God." At one time we could not see the "light of the good news of the glory of Christ." Now, as believers, we can and not just at the moment of salvation. That truth should always be working to define who we are and what we say and do. This is the key to real living. It is the key to being transformed, as expressed in 2 Corinthians 3:18, "and we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit." Because I didn't know that and did not realize the tremendous role of the Holy Spirit, not only for salvation but for living, guilt became a constant enemy. Growing in joy and peace was a struggle. I experienced guilt because I repeatedly failed, in my mind, to measure up to what I thought God expected of me. To overcome guilt, I would determine to try harder. From time to time I would rededicate my life. That would help for awhile; but it brought only temporary relief. I eventually stopped doing that. Because of what I didn't know, I struggled often with my acceptance by God. The truth of election and calling would become nightmares rather than points of comfort. This struggle goes back to having to say "I didn't know that" about the great truths of justification, sanctification and mortification. My answer to this insufficiency of knowledge was to strive harder to feel good about myself and my relationship with God. That brought more frustration. Living in that state of not knowing caused a lot of scars and scar tissue to build over time. It has been a constant battle to keep the face of Jesus from growing dim. Keeping the flame burning brightly has been a wearisome task at times. It has been a battle to keep from feeling like I was on the outside looking in to the feast that others were enjoying. I could still sing about Jesus. I could still speak words of praise to Him. I could still pray, study and teach. I could do all those things and countless other; but there was often something missing. Job 22:25 describes the missing aspect of real living this way, "then the Almighty will be your gold and your precious silver." I wanted that but because of what I didn't know, it was like chasing a dream or looking for the illusive pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Sometimes I just got tired.

When God caused the light to shine in my heart that day as a nine year old boy, I was like a blind person who had been given sight. In the years that followed I wish this could have been said of my life, "and immediately he recovered his sight and followed him, glorifying God. And all the people, when they saw it, gave praise to God"(Luke 18:43). Now after all these years I am thankful that, because of God's grace, this can still be a reality for my life.

I didn't know for a long time that I had been called to an impossible task. When I finally reached that conclusion, I still did not fully realize that God already knew of this impossibility. In fact He said so in Mark 10:27. “With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God.” And because I didn't know that God knew this and had made provisions for that impossibility, I struggled through much of my life as a Christian. I knew that I needed Jesus to be my salvation. What I didn't realize, as fully as I should have, was that I needed Him to be my life, my purpose, my joy and my peace. What I didn't realize either was the means by which this could happen. I kept going down roads that brought a lot of struggle. In my own strength I could not stay on the true road - the one that Jesus travels. So at this point of my life and by God's help, I am making the words of Psalm 16:2, 5 my affirmation. "I say to the Lord, You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you...The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot."

I saw this truth in the life of my Mother and Daddy. They loved the Lord. He was the treasure of their life. So was His Word. Many things proved that, like the worn pages of their Bibles. I am not sure where I would be here today had it not been for them demonstrating that devotion to Jesus. What a legacy. I want to finish the course as they did. I want to leave the kind of legacy they did. I pray that every day will be a "I didn't know that" day of discovery as God opens up His Word to me. There will always be more to learn so that our hearts might continue to respond, our lives might continue to be transformed more and more into the image of Christ and that we might be led continually closer to God. I have my "Big Chief" notebook and I am ready.


“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”